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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237 Likes: 11
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237 Likes: 11 |
Here is one of my songs. Rough demo: My voice + ukulele https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13847761CRUSH ON YOU_______________________________________________ © Words and music: Guy E. Trépanier, 2018. All rights reserved: Guy E. Trépanier. If you like my songs, please donate: https://www.paypal.me/guyetrepIntro: 8 bars (key of D) I didn't see it coming It took me by surprise I never saw the warning That was there in your eyes I have a crush, such a big crush, I have a crush on you I have a crush, such a big crush, I have a crush on youYou make me feel so dreamy When you are by my side I want a place for both we A place where we can hide I have a crush, such a big crush, I have a crush on you I have a crush, such a big crush, I have a crush on youInstrumental: 8 bars I wanna be your lover I will be fair and strong Hope we can stay together Hope we can get along I have a crush, such a big crush, I have a crush on you I have a crush, such a big crush, I have a crush on you
I have a crush, such a big crush, I have a crush on you I have a crush, such a big crush, I have a crush on youI have a crush on you Guy E. Trepanier #348 Melody: sept 2018. Lyrics: sept 2018.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831 |
Hello and welcome to JPF, Guy:
Much potential in this song. Is it "over-simplified" lyrically? Depends upon the tempo, melody and musical instruments you employ to bring out the spirit and meaning of the song. The message is simple. How you "weave" all those repetitive verses into variations on a theme... to keep the listener engaged is the challenge.
Experimentation and patience will eventually lead you there. You may even decide to insert a verse or two stated differently but with the same meaning. Enjoyed my listen. I hope you will continue working to bring it All my best to you for success... and "Welcome to JPF." I hope you've found a home with us.
----Dave
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
Welcome Guy!
It's refreshing to hear some music at it's raw production--just you an the uke. I'm getting a Cole Porter vibe a bit and could see Sinatra singing this tune. Like Dave said, there is potential with this tune. I have a couple of sugs for you to use or lose.........I'd cut the intro to 4 bars as this "cute type of song" needs to jump out of the box a bit quicker. I like the 8 bars with the solo area.
My only nit would be the chorus melody could use a little more change-up with melody to improve the hook--although JMO. You might on the 2nd chorus crush rise up the scale with melody on those two in each of those 2nd lines, then on the final chorus line for better resolve, alter that melody line by rising on "I". Your pitch is fine, but maybe sing with a little more passion in the "chorus area" with your vocal? - like you "really" have a crush!
You have a sweet song here and many options for production arrangements. If you just want to keep it simple however, that's fine as well. Nice work, great start!
steady-eddie
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Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 16
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 16 |
Hi Guy,
I enjoyed your song and appreciate you sharing with us. I saw on your SoundClick profile that you have at least 128 songs under your belt as this point. Extremely impressive!
I tend to agree with Dave's comments above. The song is indeed simple and singable, and your playing and relaxed vocal style do compliment this type of song. I do think you could find opportunities within the verses, or even the choruses, to both tighten up the lyric and find room for some (at least minor) melodic variation. Sometimes changing just a word or two in a repeated chorus can give it more depth and color.
A couple notes on the lyric:
1) The 3rd line in the second verse - "I want a place for both we" - hits the ear a little funny, and I think could be fairly easily reworded while still keeping the rhyme with "dreamy"
2) There are essentially two people living in this song (the crush and the crushed, we could call them), but there are an awful lot of "I"s. More of the interplay/dynamic between the two characters might add some depth and interest. The relationship is alluded to in your best lines "I never saw the warning/That was there in your eyes" and "Hope we can stay together/Hope we can get along." I'd like to see more of that tension.
Overall, great work! Keep writing, playing and sharing and I look forward to hearing more from you.
Cheers from Kansas! Adam
Last edited by Adam_of_the_Universe; 05/03/19 12:27 PM.
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237 Likes: 11
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237 Likes: 11 |
Many thanks for listening and commenting. If someone is interested by the chord progression, click this link (one page pdf file): Box link: CRUSH ON YOU (1 page lead sheet music) https://app.box.com/s/ezkzzlfuqupqxllg5eak0riwvibynmihIf you like my songs, please donate: https://www.paypal.me/guyetrep _ _ _ Have fun!
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Guy,
Gotta love a good ukulele tune . . .cute song! Would love to hear a more developed version, but, even then, I wouldn’t add too many layers, keeping it simple. That’s in part what makes it endearing.
Kind regards,
Deej
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
I like my UKE too Guy. Nice easy song on the ears Regards John
Last edited by Travis david; 06/17/19 07:18 AM.
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