Who's Online Now
20 registered members (couchgrouch, Ellen M, Adam_of_the_Universe, BobDobbins, Everett Adams, Gary E. Andrews, 9ne, Calvin, 5 invisible), and 329 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
MidniteBob
MidniteBob
Raleigh, ya'll
Posts: 2,707
Joined: January 2008
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
WORDWORTH'S BREATH. DEEJ TRAVIS. ( Revised)
by Travis david. 05/23/19 04:50 PM
Conversations
by Gerry. 05/23/19 01:09 PM
A Sailor's Life
by Ray E. Strode. 05/23/19 11:46 AM
Four Reasons To Hire A Pro-Demo Singer
by Ray E. Strode. 05/23/19 11:27 AM
The Strangest Song You Ever Wrote
by Marc Barnette. 05/23/19 09:16 AM
Back In The Zone (final rewrite)
by nightengale. 05/22/19 11:34 PM
Hello Everyone
by Brian Austin Whitney. 05/22/19 11:07 PM
The Weakness
by RainyDayMan. 05/22/19 06:00 PM
New singer/songwriter tune
by Kolstad. 05/22/19 07:53 AM
LOVE PLACED YOU RIGHT IN ITS WAY
by Neil Cotton. 05/22/19 07:36 AM
Gold Heart, Bleeding Heart
by Calvin. 05/22/19 07:04 AM
::: I DON'T KNOW WHY I LOVED YOU SO :::
by Deej56. 05/21/19 10:33 PM
If You Stay
by Deej56. 05/21/19 10:30 PM
LOVE PLACED YOU RIGHT IN MY WAY
by Neil Cotton. 05/21/19 04:34 PM
IRS rejected me
by Everett Adams. 05/21/19 02:27 PM
New Bluegrass Recording
by Ray E. Strode. 05/21/19 09:41 AM
For Better Or Worst
by Neil Cotton. 05/21/19 08:36 AM
A Daniel Come To Judgement
by nightengale. 05/21/19 07:09 AM
Face the Dragon
by nightengale. 05/21/19 06:43 AM
Sail Away
by nightengale. 05/21/19 06:37 AM
Please name this tune...
by Brian Austin Whitney. 05/20/19 06:45 PM
The Reason for Me
by swestern. 05/20/19 04:23 PM
April's Fool
by ckiphen. 05/19/19 02:03 PM
Drink until you drop
by ckiphen. 05/19/19 01:59 PM
SONGLAND
by Martin Lide. 05/19/19 12:52 PM
Strange Apparitions
by couchgrouch. 05/19/19 12:31 PM
Call Me Long Gone + Remix
by Gerry. 05/18/19 03:11 PM
Run Away From Yourself
by Travis david. 05/18/19 02:56 PM
Analog Recording
by Dave Rice. 05/18/19 11:05 AM
Time
by Dave Rice. 05/18/19 10:50 AM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,725
Travis david 11,450
Kevin Emmrich 10,544
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,572
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,844
glynda 8,590
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,903
couchgrouch 7,493
Corey 7,357
Dave Rice 7,225
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,453
Joe Wrabek 6,403
ben willis 6,099
Vicarn 6,052
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,475
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
Neil Cotton 4,768
DonnaMarilyn 4,635
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,356
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,033
nightengale 4,031
Roy Cooper 4,019
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,799
Dan Sullivan 3,710
MFB III 3,687
beechnut79 3,492
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
E Swartz 3,324
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,812
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,570
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,203
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,982
maccharles 1,933
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,645
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,596
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,461
Tom Franz 1,453
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
GocartMoz 1,396
Martin Lide 1,393
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Ian Ferrin 1,230
PeteG 1,229
Glen King 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,139
summeoyo 1,116
Fdemetrio 1,099
joro 1,081
BobbyJoe 1,075
lane1777 1,057
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
Deej56 990
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 947
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
9ne 878
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
90 dB 767
teletwang 762
Andy K 740
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Irwin 619
Mel 614
Pat Hardy 604
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
Moosesong 576
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
R&M 488
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1153109 - 05/02/19 06:53 PM ::: CRUSH ON YOU :::  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 19
Guy E. Trepanier Online content
Casual Observer
Guy E. Trepanier  Online Content
Casual Observer

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 19
Quebec
Here is one of my songs.
Rough demo: My voice + ukulele

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13847761

CRUSH ON YOU
_______________________________________________
© Words and music: Guy E. Trépanier, 2018.
All rights reserved: Guy E. Trépanier.

If you like my songs, please donate:
https://www.paypal.me/guyetrep


Intro: 8 bars (key of D)

I didn't see it coming
It took me by surprise
I never saw the warning
That was there in your eyes

I have a crush, such a big crush,
I have a crush on you
I have a crush, such a big crush,
I have a crush on you


You make me feel so dreamy
When you are by my side
I want a place for both we
A place where we can hide

I have a crush, such a big crush,
I have a crush on you
I have a crush, such a big crush,
I have a crush on you


Instrumental: 8 bars

I wanna be your lover
I will be fair and strong
Hope we can stay together
Hope we can get along

I have a crush, such a big crush,
I have a crush on you
I have a crush, such a big crush,
I have a crush on you

I have a crush, such a big crush,
I have a crush on you
I have a crush, such a big crush,
I have a crush on you


I have a crush on you


Guy E. Trepanier #348
Melody: sept 2018. Lyrics: sept 2018.


K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple and Singable
Soundclick: Songs buy Guy E. Trepanier
#1153120 - 05/02/19 11:22 PM Re: ::: CRUSH ON YOU ::: [Re: Guy E. Trepanier]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,225
Dave Rice Offline
Top 30 Poster
Dave Rice  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,225
Texas
Hello and welcome to JPF, Guy:

Much potential in this song. Is it "over-simplified" lyrically? Depends upon the tempo, melody and musical instruments you employ to bring out the spirit and meaning of the song. The message is simple. How you "weave" all those repetitive verses into variations on a theme... to keep the listener engaged is the challenge.

Experimentation and patience will eventually lead you there. You may even decide to insert a verse or two stated differently but with the same meaning. Enjoyed my listen. I hope you will continue working to bring it All my best to you for success... and "Welcome to JPF." I hope you've found a home with us.

----Dave

#1153127 - 05/03/19 12:10 PM Re: ::: CRUSH ON YOU ::: [Re: Guy E. Trepanier]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,324
E Swartz Offline
Top 100 Poster
E Swartz  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,324
Ohio
Welcome Guy!

It's refreshing to hear some music at it's raw production--just you an the uke. I'm getting a Cole Porter vibe a bit and could see Sinatra singing this tune. Like Dave said, there is potential with this tune. I have a couple of sugs for you to use or lose.........I'd cut the intro to 4 bars as this "cute type of song" needs to jump out of the box a bit quicker. I like the 8 bars with the solo area.

My only nit would be the chorus melody could use a little more change-up with melody to improve the hook--although JMO. You might on the 2nd chorus crush rise up the scale with melody on those two in each of those 2nd lines, then on the final chorus line for better resolve, alter that melody line by rising on "I". Your pitch is fine, but maybe sing with a little more passion in the "chorus area" with your vocal? - like you "really" have a crush!

You have a sweet song here and many options for production arrangements. If you just want to keep it simple however, that's fine as well. Nice work, great start!

steady-eddie

#1153129 - 05/03/19 12:26 PM Re: ::: CRUSH ON YOU ::: [Re: Guy E. Trepanier]  
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 6
Adam_of_the_Universe Online content
Casual Observer
Adam_of_the_Universe  Online Content
Casual Observer

Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 6
Lawrence, Kansas
Hi Guy,

I enjoyed your song and appreciate you sharing with us. I saw on your SoundClick profile that you have at least 128 songs under your belt as this point. Extremely impressive!

I tend to agree with Dave's comments above. The song is indeed simple and singable, and your playing and relaxed vocal style do compliment this type of song. I do think you could find opportunities within the verses, or even the choruses, to both tighten up the lyric and find room for some (at least minor) melodic variation. Sometimes changing just a word or two in a repeated chorus can give it more depth and color.

A couple notes on the lyric:

1) The 3rd line in the second verse - "I want a place for both we" - hits the ear a little funny, and I think could be fairly easily reworded while still keeping the rhyme with "dreamy"

2) There are essentially two people living in this song (the crush and the crushed, we could call them), but there are an awful lot of "I"s. More of the interplay/dynamic between the two characters might add some depth and interest. The relationship is alluded to in your best lines "I never saw the warning/That was there in your eyes" and "Hope we can stay together/Hope we can get along." I'd like to see more of that tension.

Overall, great work! Keep writing, playing and sharing and I look forward to hearing more from you.

Cheers from Kansas!
Adam

Last edited by Adam_of_the_Universe; 05/03/19 12:27 PM.
#1153321 - 05/12/19 02:47 PM Re: ::: CRUSH ON YOU ::: [Re: Guy E. Trepanier]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 19
Guy E. Trepanier Online content
Casual Observer
Guy E. Trepanier  Online Content
Casual Observer

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 19
Quebec
Many thanks for listening and commenting.

If someone is interested by the chord progression,
click this link (one page pdf file):

Box link: CRUSH ON YOU (1 page lead sheet music)

https://app.box.com/s/ezkzzlfuqupqxllg5eak0riwvibynmih

If you like my songs, please donate:
https://www.paypal.me/guyetrep
_ _ _

Have fun!


K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple and Singable
Soundclick: Songs buy Guy E. Trepanier
#1153378 - 05/16/19 11:09 PM Re: ::: CRUSH ON YOU ::: [Re: Guy E. Trepanier]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 990
Deej56 Offline
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 990
Guy,

Gotta love a good ukulele tune . . .cute song! Would love to hear a more developed version, but, even then, I wouldn’t add too many layers, keeping it simple. That’s in part what makes it endearing.

Kind regards,

Deej


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
MrGrhamT, JSB, peyton11, Twodozens, kayleenora
21195 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics118,956
Posts1,121,167
Members21,195
Average Posts Daily19
Most Online1,541
Feb 21st, 2019
Just Plain Quotes
"If you are stuck in your musical composing, be unreasonable. Change your environment. If you are stuck in your lyrical efforts, instead of forcing the same old words out, force yourself to do unreasonable things." -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0