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Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 91
Serious Contributor
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Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 91 |
©luna simone
v1 Take my hand, dear It's the fleeting of spring. The time to fall in love. Mating season for creatures Flowers to bloom in May From April Rain I love this time of year Affection within me
CHORUS But the one thing I love Is the beauty of how Earth has its ways Earth tenses up in thunder Works its wrath in hurricanes
I wish I had the power To tame it Because as far as I believe If the Earth laughs in flowers It deserves it.
v2 I can't go to sleep Knowing it's almost summer And the heat and the heartache I can't stand being part of our destruction I wanna be a bird that spreads Its wings And finds beauty as far as the eyes can see.
CHORUS Cause the one thing I love Is the beauty of how Earth has its ways Earth tenses up in thunder Works its wrath in hurricanes
I wish I had the power To tame it Because as far as I believe If the Earth laughs in flowers It deserves it.
REPEAT CHORUS Yes, the one thing I love Is the beauty of how Earth has its ways Earth tenses up in thunder Works its wrath in hurricanes
I wish I had the power To tame it Because as far as I believe If the Earth laughs in flowers It deserves it.
Yes, the one thing I love Is the beauty of how Earth has its ways Earth tenses up in thunder Works its wrath in hurricanes
I wish I had the power To tame it Because as far as I believe If the Earth laughs in flowers It deserves it.
Yes, the one thing I love Is the beauty of how Earth has its ways Earth tenses up in thunder Works its wrath in hurricanes
I wish I had the power To tame it Because as far as I believe If the Earth laughs in flowers It deserves it.
Aries. INFP-T. Artist of all trades. Listener and creator of vast, unexpected musical genre writings/compositions. Art is the journey of a free soul. -Alev Oguz http://soundcloud.com/lunasimone
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,174
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Hi Luna. What music are you hearing with this lyric? As a singer, I'm trying to discern a meter with this one. It would appear that this could be a folk tune. You may need to give attention to syllable counts, etc. My main focus though here is structure. You have an ABABBBB - which could be improved. Have you thought of putting a bridge in this one? With the chorus you may want to reconfigure your thoughts so that the power - flower rhyme puts your title (and hook line) as the last line in your chorus.
Summeoyo
Last edited by summeoyo; 05/10/19 07:30 PM.
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,668 Likes: 42
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Such a whimsical title could become the main idea of the Song. It would then be the main idea in the Chorus. What you label as Chorus seems like more 'exposition', appropriate to Verses. I don't perceive a summary idea in the Chorus Lines that would usually be the title, THE Hook you hope keeps playing in their heads after they listen.
A 'rule' (Or as Andy Rasmussen says, 'a tool') of Songwriting ideology, stated by Mr. Trepanier, is K.I.S.S., "Keep it simple, and singable."
Simplicity can work more effectively in Song than complexity, although complexity can work too, if the Lyrical subject matter merits it. Simplicity means you don't have to be a scholar to 'get' the ideas, the story if there is one, the coherence of a theme. Simplicity marries Lyric well with Melody, prosody. Listeners become 'hooked' by the early sounds, and can stay hooked for the duration, partly because it is simple, easy to 'learn' the Melody, easy to comprehend the words, both in hearing them pronounced, and getting the meaning.
The main thing I think would be to get that whimsical title, easy to comprehend, into a Chorus, and see if you can 'craft' the Verses to make the title a summary statement about what the Verses say.
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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