Here is one of my songs.
Rough demo: My voice + ukulele

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13847761

Hello and welcome to JPF, Guy:

Much potential in this song. Is it "over-simplified" lyrically? Depends upon the tempo, melody and musical instruments you employ to bring out the spirit and meaning of the song. The message is simple. How you "weave" all those repetitive verses into variations on a theme... to keep the listener engaged is the challenge.

Experimentation and patience will eventually lead you there. You may even decide to insert a verse or two stated differently but with the same meaning. Enjoyed my listen. I hope you will continue working to bring it All my best to you for success... and "Welcome to JPF." I hope you've found a home with us.

----Dave

Welcome Guy!

It's refreshing to hear some music at it's raw production--just you an the uke. I'm getting a Cole Porter vibe a bit and could see Sinatra singing this tune. Like Dave said, there is potential with this tune. I have a couple of sugs for you to use or lose.........I'd cut the intro to 4 bars as this "cute type of song" needs to jump out of the box a bit quicker. I like the 8 bars with the solo area.

My only nit would be the chorus melody could use a little more change-up with melody to improve the hook--although JMO. You might on the 2nd chorus crush rise up the scale with melody on those two in each of those 2nd lines, then on the final chorus line for better resolve, alter that melody line by rising on "I". Your pitch is fine, but maybe sing with a little more passion in the "chorus area" with your vocal? - like you "really" have a crush!

You have a sweet song here and many options for production arrangements. If you just want to keep it simple however, that's fine as well. Nice work, great start!

steady-eddie

Hi Guy,

I enjoyed your song and appreciate you sharing with us. I saw on your SoundClick profile that you have at least 128 songs under your belt as this point. Extremely impressive!

I tend to agree with Dave's comments above. The song is indeed simple and singable, and your playing and relaxed vocal style do compliment this type of song. I do think you could find opportunities within the verses, or even the choruses, to both tighten up the lyric and find room for some (at least minor) melodic variation. Sometimes changing just a word or two in a repeated chorus can give it more depth and color.

A couple notes on the lyric:

1) The 3rd line in the second verse - "I want a place for both we" - hits the ear a little funny, and I think could be fairly easily reworded while still keeping the rhyme with "dreamy"

2) There are essentially two people living in this song (the crush and the crushed, we could call them), but there are an awful lot of "I"s. More of the interplay/dynamic between the two characters might add some depth and interest. The relationship is alluded to in your best lines "I never saw the warning/That was there in your eyes" and "Hope we can stay together/Hope we can get along." I'd like to see more of that tension.

Overall, great work! Keep writing, playing and sharing and I look forward to hearing more from you.

Cheers from Kansas!
Adam

Many thanks for listening and commenting.

If someone is interested by the chord progression,
click this link (one page pdf file):

Box link: CRUSH ON YOU (1 page lead sheet music)

https://app.box.com/s/ezkzzlfuqupqxllg5eak0riwvibynmih

If you like my songs, please donate:
https://www.paypal.me/guyetrep
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Have fun!

Guy,

Gotta love a good ukulele tune . . .cute song! Would love to hear a more developed version, but, even then, I wouldn’t add too many layers, keeping it simple. That’s in part what makes it endearing.

Kind regards,

Deej

I like my UKE too Guy.
Nice easy song on the ears
Regards John