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Love Is Lukewarm
(C) 2019 Geneva Griffin
V1 Our burning love has turned to coal Your open arms seem so far away The flame in you eye has lost its glow But I know your heart is here to stay
CH Love is lukewarm It's neither hot nor cold Love has lost its touch Passion once overflowed Tho we'll never be strangers Our hearts beat to distant drums Remember back when we were young The honeymoon is done Love is lukewarm
V2 We don't hold hands when we walk Laugh about life like we used to Tho the fire in our kiss is dead and gone Our lips don't forget those I love yous
CH Love is lukewarm It's neither hot nor cold Love has lost its touch Passion once overflowed Tho we'll never be strangers Our hearts beat to distant drums Remember back when we were young The honeymoon is done Love is lukewarm
Bridge We're become like two old friends It's about time we catch up There's no time like the present To wrap our arms around the future And get back in touch
CH Love is lukewarm It's neither hot nor cold Love has lost its touch Passion once overflowed Tho we'll never be strangers Our hearts beat to distant drums Remember back when we were young The honeymoon is done Love is lukewarm
Last edited by nightengale; 04/23/19 06:51 AM.
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Hi Gen Really like this but I stumbled over the first line. Turned to coal. Is that meaning black dark,perhaps worthless? Wasn't sure? Regards John
Last edited by Travis david; 04/24/19 11:45 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Nightengale, it's difficult to get this one up into story form. Those Characters don't seem fully formed. You're working around that concept of 'lukewarm' but it's not coming across in a strong way, to me.
Love Is Lukewarm (Our? Love Is Lukewarm)
(C) 2019 Geneva Griffin
V1 Our burning love has turned to coal (I think you mean 'coals', the still hot remains of a wood fire. It implies the 'heat' is still there, but it's not the roaring fire it once was. The last Line solidifies that idea, 'here to stay'. The 'fire's' not 'out'. The word 'coal' made me think of the black, cold fossil fuel, a different metaphor altogether. I'm wondering how it will come across when sung, as opposed to read from the written page.) Your open arms seem so far away The flame in your eye has lost its glow But I know your heart is here to stay (Delete 'But'?)(This Line suggests the Love-Interest Character is still 'in'. Where is the Singer-Character on the issue?
CH Love Is Lukewarm (Our Love Is Lukewarm?) It's neither hot nor cold Love has lost its touch Passion once overflowed (where passion once overflowed) Though we'll never be strangers Our hearts beat to distant drums Remember back when we were young (Delete 'Remember'?) The honeymoon is done (This suggests the 'coals' have gone out, abandoning the 'Lukewarm' idea.) (I think you need a Rhyme for 'Lukewarm in that last Line above. Born, adorn, form, morn', storm, torn, worn) Love Is Lukewarm (Our Love Is Lukewarm)
V2 We don't hold hands when we walk Laugh about life like we used to Tho the fire in our kiss is dead and gone (dead but NOT gone) (Keep the 'coals' alive.) Our lips don't forget those I-love-you's
CH Our Love Is Lukewarm It's neither hot nor cold Love has lost its touch (Has love lost its touch? Asking, instead of declaring.) where passion once overflowed Though we'll never be strangers Our hearts beat to distant drums back when we were young Can a new fire be born when Our Love Is Lukewarm?
Bridge We're become like two old friends It's about time we catch up There's no time like the present To wrap our arms around the future And get back in touch (The Bridge picks up a note of hope for rekindling the flame of the love they once knew. I'm hearing a more passionate plea. Will you burn--- for me! Like I burn-- for you! Can a new fire be born when Our Love Is Lukewarm?)
CH Our Love Is lukewarm It's neither hot nor cold Has love lost its touch where passion once overflowed? Though we'll never be strangers (Rising emotional Melody) Our hearts beat to distant drums back when we were young Can a new fire be born when Our Love Is Lukewarm? (Coda) Can a new fire be born when Our Love Is Lukewarm?
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Thank you Travis, I really appreciate you eyes on this It's not clear enough and I need to work on that. I'm gone for the weekend and will try and get back to it then.
Geneva
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Thank you Gary for your insite.
I really appreciate a critic that will make me think about how I worded or missworded what I was trying to say.
It's all about becoming a batter writer.
Geneva
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