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#1152827 - 04/20/19 05:41 PM Only Ravens Know  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 580
Moosesong Offline
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Moosesong  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 580
Roseville, CA, USA
3:01 PM

Only Ravens Know
 
 
 
Professor speaks of lore and legends
Where often ravens played a part
As he’s speaking of the Myans
His frail hand grasps at even frailer heart
 
A trucker’s been awake since Tuesday
A road sign warns the grade is steep
Another sign warns of a hairpin
But he’s doesn’t seem to read them in his sleep
 
A Golfer scoffs at rain and thunder
Puddles soak his spikes and heels
Near the apex of his backswing
His hair begins to feel like squirming eels
 
A toddler sits upon the curbside
Kitten meows across the street
Before there’s anyone to see her
She’s up and moving quickly on her feet.
 
Her bigger brother was to watch her
Cuz his mother told him so
But 5 year old boy minds can wander
Off to places even ravens seldom go
 
A bone cold wind blows down the highway
Tumbling leaves and souls in tow
They float up high above the tree tops
Heading for a place that only ravens know.

The Toddler wakes up from her coma
As if the past months were a snooze
Stations rush to send reporters
To film a feel good fluff piece for the news
 
Cameras jam the room and hallways
Film crews lined up in a row
Their faces soon gape wide in wonder
As she begins to teach the things that ravens know.
 
The time has come to learn what ravens know


David the (rather not be so very) Elder
Music page
www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandid=707030

The Russian government interfered in the 2016 presidential election in sweeping and
systematic fashion.
https://www.justice.gov/storage/report.pdf
#1152848 - 04/21/19 11:41 PM Re: Only Ravens Know [Re: Moosesong]  
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 571
Leanne Marchand Offline
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Leanne Marchand  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 571
Morgantown IN
David, doesn't editing down suck when every verse you write sounds good? That being said, I would shorten this up by taking out the verses about the trucker and the golfer and use them in another song about people moments before they die from doing something foolish. Then I would put the verse about her big brother before the verse about seeing the kitten, this would establish that she was a toddler without having to say toddler in two verses because I don't think the word "toddler" sings very well. So I would replace toddler with the girl's name, like Rachel or something. I hear the part about the "bone cold wind" as the bridge. Good imagery in this work!

#1152859 - 04/22/19 05:08 PM Re: Only Ravens Know [Re: Moosesong]  
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 171
Perry Neal Crawford Offline
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Perry Neal Crawford  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 171
California
We at Fort Irwin CA in the Mojave desert lived your sixth verse from December to March. Winds at temperatures 40-45 degrees colder than temps at noon hit us by the end of the workday. Ravens rule here, and know too much about the secrets the humans think they're keeping. If we were all born with black shiny feathers we would not qualify to be ravens.

#1152951 - 04/24/19 11:38 PM Re: Only Ravens Know [Re: Moosesong]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 580
Moosesong Offline
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Moosesong  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 580
Roseville, CA, USA
Thank you for the read and reply Perry.

Those incredible temperature shifts that happen in nature occasionally are amazing. when a nice warm day turns cold and windy in a matter of minutes, its hard for even a logical mind not to entertain thoughts of it being more than weather fronts and inversion layers. Makes one wonder "whats up with that?".

Leanne, thank you for the great advice.

I like the idea of putting the verse of the distracted brother ahead of the toddler crossing the street. and Rachel seems like the perfect name. maybe its some movie or book from a long time ago that I have mostly forgotten, but to me the name seems to fit perfectly for a child knowing far more than she should.

I agree the wind down the highway verse would make a good bridge. now that I'm thinking about song structure, I should probably write a chorus as well.


David the (rather not be so very) Elder
Music page
www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandid=707030

The Russian government interfered in the 2016 presidential election in sweeping and
systematic fashion.
https://www.justice.gov/storage/report.pdf

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