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#1152809 - 04/19/19 08:46 PM A Hop in My Walk  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,863
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,863
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?songID=13866458

A Hop in My Walk

Whistling the sweet tweets
Of the Cardinal’s song
I hear that spring is here
And summer’s comin’ on

Walking home the long way
To buy myself more time
Breathing in the warm air
Gets me energized

I’ve got a hop in my walk
& It didn’t take much
warm days, steady breeze
Sunshine brings the green
Spring
Puts a hop in my walk

Kids are playing street games
Cell phones put aside
Play-offs are underway
Imaginations fly

These are more sure signs
My blues are at an end.
I’m not going back inside
Gonna scoot around again

I’ve got a hop in my walk
& It didn’t take much
warm days, steady breeze
Sunshine brings the green
Spring
Puts a hop in my walk


Last edited by Neil Cotton; 04/19/19 08:46 PM.
#1152832 - 04/20/19 07:12 PM Re: A Hop in My Walk [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,023
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Posts: 1,023
Neil,

Really like your melody here and the fiddle out of the gate is engaging. Nice transition and production touches into and in the chorus. Wondering if a bridge might be something worth considering to give maybe a little bit more backstory—for example, to explain why the singer is feeling blue. Though, that said, I also like this a short, focused tune.

A coupe of words and phrases worth considering would be, for me at least: Replacing “I hear” in the third line, and going with something stronger (isn’t he already feeling and seeing Spring?); maybe “makes me feel alive” in lieu of “gets me energized”; stay more in the moment on line 4 of the chorus . . . “sunshine brings the green” describes what will happen or how it happens, not what is putting he hop in his walk (if that makes sense); those last two lines of the third verse seem disconnected from what the singer is experiencing on his walk—maybe continue to describe what the singer is observing; and you say “these are MORE sure signs” . . . maybe consider replacing “more” with an alternative to avoid potential confusion as to what the other signs are?

These are all just thoughts and suggestions, Neil. Use or lose as you see fit. Just think there’s an opportunity to really accentuate the strong melody with some tweaks here and there (though my suggestions are not necessarily the ones that will get you there, LOL!).

Hope all is well with you,

Deej

#1152843 - 04/21/19 03:01 PM Re: A Hop in My Walk [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,863
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Thanks Deej
The hear was referencing the cardinal, the energized seems more " exciting" than feelin alive.
Your other comments are helpful...thanks...I'll chew on them.


Those were some sure signs
Winter blues have ended.
I’m not going back inside
Gonna scoot around again

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 04/22/19 07:47 AM.
#1152871 - 04/23/19 02:05 AM Re: A Hop in My Walk [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,527
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
I like the theme and can connect with the feeling of contentment. Slamming the door and on the sometimes awful winter and feeling that sun on your back again.
The melody is good too.
Yes a feel good song which worked for me


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1152885 - 04/23/19 06:54 AM Re: A Hop in My Walk [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,863
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Thanks Travis....took a walk and had to write it..LOL

#1152944 - 04/24/19 06:27 PM Re: A Hop in My Walk [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,302
Dave Rice Offline
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Dave Rice  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,302
Texas
Hi Neil:

You've already had some great advice and comments. I enjoyed my listen and the sentiment of the song.

All the best, ----Dave

#1152946 - 04/24/19 07:14 PM Re: A Hop in My Walk [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 42
Guy E. Trepanier Offline
Serious Contributor
Guy E. Trepanier  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 42
Quebec
Very nice song. Simplicity is always a winner.
I played it several times.
I like the ending.


Have fun!


K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple and Singable
Soundclick: Songs buy Guy E. Trepanier

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