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#1152063 - 03/28/19 06:10 AM When Life Throws Us A Curve  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,083
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Eugene, Or USA
When Life Throws Us A Curve

(C) 2019 Geneva Griffin

V1
When life throws us a curve
Like your mamas old hairpin
We can harbor it for keeps
Keep it out or let it in
We can embrace the pain
In each other's arms
To discover the pearl
Being uncovered in our hearts

CH
Miles of hurt become
Oceans of pearl
When life throws us a curve

V2
Been a long and winding road
Down loves unknown footpath
Your forbidden right of ways
My well trodden side tracks
A quiet escapade
A private heart to heart
And we're walking hand in hand
Nothing can keep us apart

CH
Miles of hurt become
Oceans of pearl
When life throws us a curve

BR
Our unforgiving little ways, are just steps across the line
I can forgive a big mistake, if you can consider mine
CH
Turns miles off hurt into
Oceans of pearl
When life throws us a curve

Last edited by nightengale; 05/16/19 11:51 PM.
#1152172 - 03/29/19 06:53 PM Re: When Life Throws Us A Curve [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,557
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Geneva welcome back.Where have you been?
I like your lyric very poetic i particularly liked the second verse. The chorus is short but powerful.
Regards
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1152249 - 03/30/19 12:16 PM Re: When Life Throws Us A Curve [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,370
Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Gary E. Andrews  Offline
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Posts: 1,370
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Philosophical Songs don't seem to work for me. I think it's because the Singer-Character seems to be an abstract narrator, as opposed to a person 'in' the Song, telling his/her story First-Person.
Rhyme can strengthen a Song immensely. Nursery Rhymes work for a reason. Young children, with limited vocabularies, learn Rhyming words more easily, thereby comprehending the larger context of the words within the Lines. I think listeners get Songs better too, when they hear Rhymes.

I wondered if this one would be stronger if you said 'you' instead of 'us' and 'we'.

When Life Throws YOU A Curve

(C) 2019 Geneva Griffin

V1
When life throws YOU a curve
Like your mama's old hairpin
YOU can harbor it for keeps
Or decide to polish it
Embrace the pain
In each other's arms
To discover the pearl
GROWING in YOUR heart

CH
Miles of hurt become
Oceans of pearl
When life throws you a curve

V2
(IT'S) Been a long and winding road
Down love's unknown footpath
Your forbidden right of ways (See? There's a person 'in' the Song, talking directly to another person.)
My well trodden side tracks (And the Singer-Character, 'in' the Song.)
A quiet escapade
A private heart to heart
And we're walking hand in hand
Getting our lives back on course

CH
Miles of hurt become
Oceans of pearl
When life throws YOU a curve

BR
The unforgiving path is just a step across the line
Our forgiving approach, though much less defined

CH
Turns miles of hurt into
Oceans of pearl
When life throws YOU a curve
When life throws you a curve
When life throws you a curve


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1152324 - 03/31/19 09:38 PM Re: When Life Throws Us A Curve [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,083
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Eugene, Or USA
Thank you Gary,

I really appreciate the time you took to Express your thoughts on this.

It started out as YOU, then I changed it, I dunno why.
I was feeling unsure and haven't written anything in a couple years except the 2 I recently posted, and this one isn't really my usual country write.

I will definately use your suggestions in the rewrite.

Geneva

#1152332 - 04/01/19 08:14 AM Re: When Life Throws Us A Curve [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,083
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,083
Eugene, Or USA
Thanks Travis,

I been loving the RV lifestyle, but I think we need to go back home, at least for a while.

I missed my computer til I got used to not having one. I get a signal on my phone for the most part and lurk a little but writing on my phone is a pain.

Geneva

#1152345 - 04/01/19 12:54 PM Re: When Life Throws Us A Curve [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,370
Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Gary E. Andrews  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,370
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Geneva, I may have jumped too quickly. Rereading, I think you've got a couple in the story, working through it together when life throws them a curve. I'm still hung up on the Rhyme-Scheme.
But I think I missed the Characters when I read it before and perceived it as an abstract or generic philosophical Lyric. Now that I see the Love-Interest Characters I'm much more engaged by the emotion of it.

When Life Throws Us A Curve

(C) 2019 Geneva Griffin

V1
When Life Throws Us A Curve
Like MY mamas old hairpin
We can harbor it for keeps
KEEP IT OUT OR LET IT IN
(We can) Embrace the pain
In each other's arms
To discover the pearl
Growing in our hearts

CH
Miles of hurt become
Oceans of pearl
When Life Throws Us A Curve

V2
(IT'S) Been a winding road
Down love's unknown footpath
Your forbidden right of ways
My well trodden side tracks
A quiet escapade
STILL walking hand in hand
A private heart to heart
LIFE AT OUR COMMAND

CH
Miles of hurt become
Oceans of pearl
When Life Throws Us A Curve

BR
The unforgiving path is just a step across the line
I'LL FORGIVE YOUR MISTAKES IF YOU'LL FORGIVE MINE

CH
Let's turn miles of hurt into
Oceans of pearl
When Life Throws Us A Curve
When Life Throws Us A Curve
When Life Throws Us A Curve


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1152423 - 04/03/19 07:06 PM Re: When Life Throws Us A Curve [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,083
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Eugene, Or USA
Thanks Gary,

They are a couple but that may need to be clearer.
I've been thinking about which way to go here.

I'm leaning towards WE rather than YOU. I Like that route better, I must've or wouldn't have changed it.

Mostly I want it clear and understandable,, then I'll work on the rhyme.

Geneva

#1152766 - 04/17/19 09:38 AM Re: When Life Throws Us A Curve [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,370
Gary E. Andrews Offline
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Gary E. Andrews  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,370
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
It occurred to me a 'You and I' could make it clear, early, that it is a love Song, a conversation between the Singer-Character and a Love-Interest Character.

V1
When Life Throws Us A Curve
Like MY mamas old hairpin
YOU AND I can harbor it for keeps
KEEP IT OUT OR LET IT IN
(We can) Embrace the pain
In each other's arms
To discover the pearl
Growing in our hearts

Or;
V1
When Life Throws Us A Curve
Like MY mamas old hairpin
We can harbor it for keeps
KEEP IT OUT OR LET IT IN
(YOU AND I can) Embrace the pain
In each other's arms
To discover the pearl
Growing in our hearts


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1152974 - 04/25/19 09:49 PM Re: When Life Throws Us A Curve [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,083
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,083
Eugene, Or USA
Thank you so much Gary for all your thoughts and insight on this. This one will be my next rewrite.
I hope to revisit it next week

#1153384 - 05/16/19 11:26 PM Re: When Life Throws Us A Curve [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,083
nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Posts: 4,083
Eugene, Or USA
Thank you Gary for all your thoughts on this

I went with your last post in the latest revisions so far

Geneva


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