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#1152614 - 04/11/19 06:34 PM LEAVE IT WHERE IT IS (AND MOVE ON).  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 47
LunaSimone Offline
Serious Contributor
LunaSimone  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 47
I was inspired by the hard times so many young children are going through to claim their sense of self, or of any other age for any serious reason they cope with.

Genre wise, I started trying to make this alt-rock and it didn't happen, but more than anything this really reminds me of a great rap-to-singing ballad that I can imagine Lauryn Hill or Alicia Keys singing
(Alicia Keys didn't rap-sing in one song really however; if she had to do a lot of the rapping it would be a collaboration with a rap artist, but Lauryn was THE ICON of making this kind of stuff original and fresh).

So if anyone needs a good beat-driven, soulful melody inspiration from either artist to get an idea of what this should sound like,
here are a couple of songs you might dig, even if they don't go from rap to singing and back within a musical group or with one musician:

TLC "Waterfalls"
Alicia Keys "Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart"
JoJo "Too Little Too Late"
Mary J. Blige "Be Without You" (Remix version, it's better)

So here's the song for critique. Verses outside the choruses are the only parts where I'd rap.

V1
I think you should know
A piece of advice
If you're complaining too much
About life
Please don't end it
Even if you try not to cry
You are worth more to more than you know
So be wise

V2
What some say is only
Pressure to feel bad of yourself
Don't listen to them
They want to always be right
And keep you from feeling the need
To become strong

CHORUS
Leave it all where it is and move on
Dear there's no use in dwelling
Sitting and moping around will do nothing
If you want to hold to the truth and be something
Failing to look around and see the beauty of the world
You'll miss it all
Don't be afraid to take control
Look forward to see what's within
And leave what's behind out of sight
Leave your past behind
And move on

V3
Whether you always have to sport a fake smile
To claim you're a-okay
Don't be nervous
Or make them consider you shamed
If anything they don't know who's really out there losing the game

V4
People giving criticism these days
Is a river that oughta run dry
If you've got potential
I know I have
Hard times are meant to plague us all
And so I had to put this in a song

rep chorus

BRIDGE
Move on now
Save the world
Make a difference as it's spinning
It's only human
To try to find our worth
We all face challenges as we exist
Make this life worth living

Repeat the chorus to preferred amount, rapping in the end is optional smile

#1152615 - 04/11/19 06:40 PM Re: LEAVE IT WHERE IT IS (AND MOVE ON). [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 47
LunaSimone Offline
Serious Contributor
LunaSimone  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 47
I was actually just thinking the chorus is too wordy.
I'm gonna take some sentences (or stanzas? I forget all that poetry talk lol) out, that makes sense.
Besides that, any advice or comments?


Aries. INFP-T. Artist of all trades. Listener and creator of vast, unexpected musical genre writings/compositions.
Art is the journey of a free soul.
-Alev Oguz
http://soundcloud.com/lunarsimonamusic
#1152673 - 04/14/19 01:10 AM Re: LEAVE IT WHERE IT IS (AND MOVE ON). [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 5
forbiddencolours129 Offline
Casual Observer
forbiddencolours129  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 5
manchester ( uk )

Hi

Maybe have a look at each verses , v1 has 8 lines, V2 has 6 lines,V3 has 5 lines and also look at the syllable count its not consistent.Good luck with it.

Paul.

#1152676 - 04/14/19 04:31 AM Re: LEAVE IT WHERE IT IS (AND MOVE ON). [Re: LunaSimone]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,809
Brian Austin Whitney Offline
Brian Austin Whitney  Offline

Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,809
Indianapolis, IN USA
Welcome back Luna! Glad to have you!


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