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Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone (c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009 Fran Williams
A Rose Upon Her Stone
Chorus) Beneath the dark blue skies We all sing her favorite song On the coldest November day The Good Lord called her home Our family tells the special stories How we loved her, Thur the years I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes And laid, A Rose Upon Her Stone
V) Whispered that she loved me Said she was on her way home Heard my baby scream out, as She hung up her cell phone
Bridge) Highway was slick and snowy on that fateful night Car speeding by a drunken driver, ran the red light
V2) An urgent call from the hospital Doctor, said she didn't have long We gathered around her bedside Said prayers, to help stay strong
Repeat Chorus)
Instrumental Break) Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song On the coldest November day, tears fall upon her stone
V3) Cold winds blow, say a last goodbye She is hard to let go, on this sad day Wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes An angel,whispered, she will be okay
Tag) As the angel took her home I lay A Rose Upon Her stone
PS, all constructive suggestions are appreciated.
Fran Williams
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Joined: May 2009
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Hey Fran, IMO, this is your best song to date!
My only tweaks: Slick and snowy highway on that fateful night Speeding car, drunken driver, ran the red light
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Hey Fran, IMO, this is your best song to date!
My only tweaks: Slick and snowy highway on that fateful night Speeding car, drunken driver, ran the red light Hi Shayne, thank you for the excellent suggestions. This lyric, has had some awesome comments in the past to help bring it this far. I plan to have a good quality demo made when I can get it ready for music. I really do appreciate you and your talents..Thanks again.. Moments to cry for, Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Poignant for sure, Fran. Lovely title. A few comments/suggestions below. KOS, of course. Donna Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone (c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009 Fran Williams A Rose Upon Her Stone Chorus) Beneath the dark blue skies We all sing her favorite song On the coldest November day Not clear whether she died on the coldest November day or she was buried on that day.The Good Lord called her home Our family tells the special stories How we loved her, through the years I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes And laid lay, A Rose Upon Her Stone V) She'd whispered that she loved me The verb tense needs to reflect that this was happening before events in the chorus.Said she And was on her way home Then I Heard my baby scream ing out Not immediately clear who was doing the hearing.As she hung up dropped her cell phone Fran, I wonder whether it's worth re-thinking V1? Maybe it's just me, but I can't get past the image of the girl talking on her cell phone while driving in slippery, icy conditions, especially at night. I feel this could lessen audience sympathy, particularly given the fact that increasingly strong campaigns currently warn about the dangers of talking on a cell phone while driving (and even walking). Had the girl not been on the phone, she'd possibly have been able to take evasive action. I wonder whether you could have her making the call before she sets out, and then - while he's replaying the tragic scenario in his mind - the singer imagines her screaming. I feel this would strongly increase the emotional impact. Responsibility for the accident would then lie squarely on the shoulders of the drunk driver. No ifs, ands, or buts. Bridge) Highway was slick and snowy on that fateful night Car speeding by a drunken driver, ran the red light Suggest making this punchier. Something like: A slick and snowy highway on that grim November night A speeding car, a driver drunk, a useless red lightV2) An urgent call from the hospital Doctor, said she didn't have long We gathered around her bedside Said prayers, to help stay strong Repeat Chorus) Instrumental Break) Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song On the coldest November day, tears fall upon her stone V3) Cold winds blow, we say a last goodbye She is hard to let go, on this sad day Suggest using a word that shows sadness rather than telling us the day is sad.I wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes An angel,whisper s, she will be okay Tag) As the angel took her home Not clear when the going home took place.I lay A Rose Upon Her stone PS, all constructive suggestions are appreciated. Fran Williams
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Hi DonnaMarilyn, I appreciate all your awesome suggestions. I intend to do a complete re-write. I have used several of your recommendations and will try to consider all comments by others for a much needed do-over..Thanks! Donna, I believe you are a very talented professional songwriter. Fran
Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone (c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009 Fran Williams
A Rose Upon Her Stone Re-write
Chorus) Beneath the dark blue skies On this Cold November Day We all sing her favorite song Our family tells the special stories How we loved her, through the years I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes And lay, A Rose Upon Her Stone
V) She'd whispered that she loved me Said, she was on her way home Then I heard my baby screaming As she dropped her cell phone
Bridge) A drunk driver, in a speeding car, ran the light On A slick and snowy highway, that fateful night
V2) An urgent call from the hospital Doctor, said she didn't have long We gathered around her bedside Said prayers, to help stay strong
Repeat Chorus)
Instrumental Break) Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song On this cold November day, my tears fall upon her stone
V3) Cold winds blow, we say a last goodbye She is hard to let go, on this grim day I wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes An angel, whispers, she will be okay
Tag) As the angels take her home I lay A Rose Upon Her stone
PS, all constructive suggestions are appreciated.
Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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I'm a sucker for sad songs, so this hits home for me. To be nit picky I'm not sure if she should have been driving and using a phone (unless it was handsfree of course). Very thoughtful lyric. Vic
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I'm a sucker for sad songs, so this hits home for me. To be nit picky I'm not sure if she should have been driving and using a phone (unless it was hands-free of course). Very thoughtful lyric. Vic Hi Vicarn, your comments and suggestions are excellent. I am going to try a change a few lines to eliminate the cell phone problems. Thanks! Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Good call, Fran. I was hoping you'd get rid of it. Donna
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Good call, Fran. I was hoping you'd get rid of it. Donna Hi Donna, do you think this would work?? I would appreciate any suggestions, from you and other songwriters for this verse. Thanks.. V1) Called, and said she loved me That she was on her- way home It was the last time- we'd talk Before everything went- wrong PS, I know this can be a good lyric when finished. Speak soon, Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Good call, Fran. I was hoping you'd get rid of it. Donna Hi Donna, do you think this would work?? I would appreciate any suggestions, from you and other songwriters for this verse. Thanks.. V1) Called, and said she loved me That she was on her- way home It was the last time- we'd talk Before everything went- wrong PS, I know this can be a good lyric when finished. Speak soon, Fran Williams Fran, one possibility might be: She called to say she loved me Just before she left for home It was the last time we'd talk Before everything went wrong This implies either that she phoned before getting into the car, or that at least she wasn't on a cell phone when the accident happened. I realise there are 2 x 'before' in the verse, but I think the repetition serves to contrast the difference in the nature of the events. I feel 'called to say' is more poignant and dramatic than 'called and said'. Anyway, just a thought. Others will no doubt chime in. Just thought of another possibility. She called to say she loved me And was leaving soon for home It was the last time we'd talk Before everything went wrong Donna
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Hi Donna, I believe this would work very well. It will eliminate, the problems of the cell phone, and give a more heart felt story-line. I also want to thank you for all the precious time you gave to help me out on this lyric..I appreciate you.
V1) She called to say she loved me And was leaving soon for home It was the last time we'd talk Before everything went wrong
Speak soon, Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone (c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009 Fran Williams
A Rose Upon Her Stone Re-write
Chorus) Beneath the dark blue skies On this Cold November Day We all sing her favorite song Our family tells the special stories How we loved her, through the years I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes And lay, A Rose Upon Her Stone
V) She called to say she loved me And was leaving soon for home It was the last time we'd talk Before everything went wrong
Bridge) A drunk driver, in a speeding car, ran the light On A slick and snowy highway, that fateful night
V2) An urgent call from the hospital Doctor, said she didn't have long We gathered around her bedside Said prayers, to help stay strong
Repeat Chorus)
Instrumental Break) Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song On this cold November day, my tears fall upon her stone
V3) Cold winds blow, we say a last goodbye She is hard to let go, on this grim day I wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes An angel, whispers, she will be okay
Tag) As the angels take her home I lay A Rose Upon Her stone
PS, Donna I really appreciate all your help.
Best, Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone (c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009 Fran Williams
A Rose Upon Her Stone Re-write
Chorus) Beneath the dark blue skies On this Cold November Day We all sing her favorite song Our family tells the special stories How we loved her, through the years I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes And lay, A Rose Upon Her Stone
V) She called to say she loved me And was leaving soon for home It was the last time we'd talk Before everything went wrong
Bridge) A drunk driver, in a speeding car, ran the light On A slick and snowy highway, that fateful night
V2) An urgent call from the hospital Doctor, said she didn't have long We gathered around her bedside Said prayers, to help stay strong
Repeat Chorus)
Instrumental Break) Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song On this cold November day, my tears fall upon her stone
V3) Cold winds blow, we say a last goodbye She is hard to let go, on this grim day I wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes An angel, whispers, she will be okay
Tag) As the angels take her home I lay A Rose Upon Her stone
PS, Donna I really appreciate all your help.
Best, Fran Williams Update: This lyric is available for a singer/songwriter/musician to develop. Any word changes to accomplish a finished song is approved. Would be a 50/50 co-write..Thanks! Moments to cry for, Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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Beautiful, I love it. Dennis
Dennis Wright
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Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone (c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009 Fran Williams
A Rose Upon Her Stone Re-write
Chorus) Beneath the dark blue skies On this Cold November Day We all sing her favorite song Our family tells the special stories How we loved her, through the years I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes And lay, A Rose Upon Her Stone
V) She called to say she loved me And was leaving soon for home It was the last time we'd talk Before everything went wrong
Bridge) A drunk driver, in a speeding car, ran the light On A slick and snowy highway, that fateful night
V2) An urgent call from the hospital Doctor, said she didn't have long We gathered around her bedside Said prayers, to help stay strong
Repeat Chorus)
Instrumental Break) Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song On this cold November day, my tears fall upon her stone
V3) Cold winds blow, we say a last goodbye She is hard to let go, on this grim day I wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes An angel, whispers, she will be okay
Tag) As the angels take her home I lay A Rose Upon Her stone
PS, Donna I really appreciate all your help.
Best, Fran Williams Update: This lyric is available for a singer/songwriter/musician to develop. Any word changes to accomplish a finished song is approved. Would be a 50/50 co-write..Thanks! Moments to cry for, Fran Williams Folks, this lyric has had some awesome help and suggestions!! I want to find a singer/ musician to develop a demo and it could be a 50/50 Co-Write!! Thanks, Fran Williams
"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them
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