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#952649 03/30/12 08:17 PM
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Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone
(c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009
Fran Williams

A Rose Upon Her Stone

Chorus)
Beneath the dark blue skies
We all sing her favorite song
On the coldest November day
The Good Lord called her home
Our family tells the special stories
How we loved her, Thur the years
I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes
And laid, A Rose Upon Her Stone

V)
Whispered that she loved me
Said she was on her way home
Heard my baby scream out, as
She hung up her cell phone

Bridge)
Highway was slick and snowy on that fateful night
Car speeding by a drunken driver, ran the red light

V2)
An urgent call from the hospital
Doctor, said she didn't have long
We gathered around her bedside
Said prayers, to help stay strong

Repeat Chorus)

Instrumental Break)
Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song
On the coldest November day, tears fall upon her stone

V3)
Cold winds blow, say a last goodbye
She is hard to let go, on this sad day
Wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes
An angel,whispered, she will be okay

Tag)
As the angel took her home
I lay A Rose Upon Her stone

PS, all constructive suggestions are appreciated.

Fran Williams

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,067
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Hey Fran, IMO, this is your best song to date!

My only tweaks:
Slick and snowy highway on that fateful night
Speeding car, drunken driver, ran the red light


“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard

Co-writing = Compromise!


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Originally Posted by R. Shayne Vaughan
Hey Fran, IMO, this is your best song to date!

My only tweaks:
Slick and snowy highway on that fateful night
Speeding car, drunken driver, ran the red light


Hi Shayne, thank you for the excellent suggestions. This
lyric, has had some awesome comments in the past to help
bring it this far. I plan to have a good quality demo made
when I can get it ready for music. I really do appreciate
you and your talents..Thanks again..

Moments to cry for,
Fran Williams


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Poignant for sure, Fran. Lovely title. smile

A few comments/suggestions below. KOS, of course. wink

Donna

Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone
(c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009
Fran Williams

A Rose Upon Her Stone


Chorus)
Beneath the dark blue skies
We all sing her favorite song
On the coldest November day Not clear whether she died on the coldest November day or she was buried on that day.
The Good Lord called her home
Our family tells the special stories
How we loved her, through the years
I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes
And laid lay, A Rose Upon Her Stone

V)
She'd whispered that she loved me The verb tense needs to reflect that this was happening before events in the chorus.
Said she And was on her way home
Then I Heard my baby screaming out Not immediately clear who was doing the hearing.
As she hung up dropped her cell phone

Fran, I wonder whether it's worth re-thinking V1? Maybe it's just me, but I can't get past the image of the girl talking on her cell phone while driving in slippery, icy conditions, especially at night. I feel this could lessen audience sympathy, particularly given the fact that increasingly strong campaigns currently warn about the dangers of talking on a cell phone while driving (and even walking). Had the girl not been on the phone, she'd possibly have been able to take evasive action. I wonder whether you could have her making the call before she sets out, and then - while he's replaying the tragic scenario in his mind - the singer imagines her screaming. I feel this would strongly increase the emotional impact. Responsibility for the accident would then lie squarely on the shoulders of the drunk driver. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Bridge)
Highway was slick and snowy on that fateful night
Car speeding by a drunken driver, ran the red light
Suggest making this punchier. Something like:
A slick and snowy highway on that grim November night
A speeding car, a driver drunk, a useless red light


V2)
An urgent call from the hospital
Doctor, said she didn't have long
We gathered around her bedside
Said prayers, to help stay strong

Repeat Chorus)

Instrumental Break)
Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song
On the coldest November day, tears fall upon her stone

V3)
Cold winds blow, we say a last goodbye
She is hard to let go, on this sad day Suggest using a word that shows sadness rather than telling us the day is sad.
I wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes
An angel,whispers, she will be okay

Tag)
As the angel took her home Not clear when the going home took place.
I lay A Rose Upon Her stone

PS, all constructive suggestions are appreciated.

Fran Williams


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




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Hi DonnaMarilyn, I appreciate all your awesome
suggestions. I intend to do a complete re-write.
I have used several of your recommendations and
will try to consider all comments by others for
a much needed do-over..Thanks! Donna, I believe
you are a very talented professional songwriter.
Fran


Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone
(c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009
Fran Williams

A Rose Upon Her Stone
Re-write

Chorus)
Beneath the dark blue skies
On this Cold November Day
We all sing her favorite song
Our family tells the special stories
How we loved her, through the years
I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes
And lay, A Rose Upon Her Stone

V)
She'd whispered that she loved me
Said, she was on her way home
Then I heard my baby screaming
As she dropped her cell phone


Bridge)
A drunk driver, in a speeding car, ran the light
On A slick and snowy highway, that fateful night


V2)
An urgent call from the hospital
Doctor, said she didn't have long
We gathered around her bedside
Said prayers, to help stay strong

Repeat Chorus)

Instrumental Break)
Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song
On this cold November day, my tears fall upon her stone

V3)
Cold winds blow, we say a last goodbye
She is hard to let go, on this grim day
I wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes
An angel, whispers, she will be okay

Tag)
As the angels take her home
I lay A Rose Upon Her stone

PS, all constructive suggestions are appreciated.

Fran Williams


"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them smile
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916
Likes: 9
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I'm a sucker for sad songs, so this hits home for me.
To be nit picky I'm not sure if she should have been driving and using a phone (unless it was handsfree of course).
Very thoughtful lyric.
Vic


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Originally Posted by Vicarn
I'm a sucker for sad songs, so this hits home for me.
To be nit picky I'm not sure if she should have been driving and using a phone (unless it was hands-free of course).
Very thoughtful lyric.
Vic


Hi Vicarn, your comments and suggestions are excellent.
I am going to try a change a few lines to eliminate the
cell phone problems. Thanks!

Fran Williams


"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them smile
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Good call, Fran. I was hoping you'd get rid of it. wink

Donna


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




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Originally Posted by DonnaMarilyn
Good call, Fran. I was hoping you'd get rid of it. wink

Donna


Hi Donna, do you think this would work??
I would appreciate any suggestions, from
you and other songwriters for this verse.
Thanks..

V1)
Called, and said she loved me
That she was on her- way home
It was the last time- we'd talk
Before everything went- wrong

PS, I know this can be a good lyric when finished.

Speak soon,
Fran Williams


"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them smile
Joined: Aug 2008
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Originally Posted by MusicJams
Originally Posted by DonnaMarilyn
Good call, Fran. I was hoping you'd get rid of it. wink

Donna


Hi Donna, do you think this would work??
I would appreciate any suggestions, from
you and other songwriters for this verse.
Thanks..

V1)
Called, and said she loved me
That she was on her- way home
It was the last time- we'd talk
Before everything went- wrong

PS, I know this can be a good lyric when finished.

Speak soon,
Fran Williams


Fran, one possibility might be:

She called to say she loved me
Just before she left for home
It was the last time we'd talk
Before everything went wrong

This implies either that she phoned before getting into the car, or that at least
she wasn't on a cell phone when the accident happened.

I realise there are 2 x 'before' in the verse, but I think the repetition serves to contrast the difference in the nature of the events.

I feel 'called to say' is more poignant and dramatic than 'called and said'.

Anyway, just a thought. smile Others will no doubt chime in. wink

Just thought of another possibility.

She called to say she loved me
And was leaving soon for home
It was the last time we'd talk
Before everything went wrong

Donna


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




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Hi Donna, I believe this would work very well. It will
eliminate, the problems of the cell phone, and give a
more heart felt story-line. I also want to thank you
for all the precious time you gave to help me out on
this lyric..I appreciate you.

V1)
She called to say she loved me
And was leaving soon for home
It was the last time we'd talk
Before everything went wrong

Speak soon,
Fran Williams


"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them smile
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 210
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Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone
(c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009
Fran Williams

A Rose Upon Her Stone
Re-write

Chorus)
Beneath the dark blue skies
On this Cold November Day
We all sing her favorite song
Our family tells the special stories
How we loved her, through the years
I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes
And lay, A Rose Upon Her Stone

V)
She called to say she loved me
And was leaving soon for home
It was the last time we'd talk
Before everything went wrong


Bridge)
A drunk driver, in a speeding car, ran the light
On A slick and snowy highway, that fateful night


V2)
An urgent call from the hospital
Doctor, said she didn't have long
We gathered around her bedside
Said prayers, to help stay strong

Repeat Chorus)

Instrumental Break)
Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song
On this cold November day, my tears fall upon her stone

V3)
Cold winds blow, we say a last goodbye
She is hard to let go, on this grim day
I wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes
An angel, whispers, she will be okay

Tag)
As the angels take her home
I lay A Rose Upon Her stone

PS, Donna I really appreciate all your help.

Best,
Fran Williams


"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them smile
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 210
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Originally Posted by MusicJams
Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone
(c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009
Fran Williams

A Rose Upon Her Stone
Re-write

Chorus)
Beneath the dark blue skies
On this Cold November Day
We all sing her favorite song
Our family tells the special stories
How we loved her, through the years
I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes
And lay, A Rose Upon Her Stone

V)
She called to say she loved me
And was leaving soon for home
It was the last time we'd talk
Before everything went wrong


Bridge)
A drunk driver, in a speeding car, ran the light
On A slick and snowy highway, that fateful night


V2)
An urgent call from the hospital
Doctor, said she didn't have long
We gathered around her bedside
Said prayers, to help stay strong

Repeat Chorus)

Instrumental Break)
Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song
On this cold November day, my tears fall upon her stone

V3)
Cold winds blow, we say a last goodbye
She is hard to let go, on this grim day
I wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes
An angel, whispers, she will be okay

Tag)
As the angels take her home
I lay A Rose Upon Her stone

PS, Donna I really appreciate all your help.

Best,
Fran Williams


Update:
This lyric is available for a singer/songwriter/musician
to develop. Any word changes to accomplish a finished
song is approved. Would be a 50/50 co-write..Thanks!

Moments to cry for,
Fran Williams


"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them smile
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Beautiful, I love it.
Dennis


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Originally Posted by F Williams
Originally Posted by MusicJams
Title: A Rose Upon Her Stone
(c) All Rights Reserved, 08/18/2009
Fran Williams

A Rose Upon Her Stone
Re-write

Chorus)
Beneath the dark blue skies
On this Cold November Day
We all sing her favorite song
Our family tells the special stories
How we loved her, through the years
I wipe frozen tears, from my eyes
And lay, A Rose Upon Her Stone

V)
She called to say she loved me
And was leaving soon for home
It was the last time we'd talk
Before everything went wrong


Bridge)
A drunk driver, in a speeding car, ran the light
On A slick and snowy highway, that fateful night


V2)
An urgent call from the hospital
Doctor, said she didn't have long
We gathered around her bedside
Said prayers, to help stay strong

Repeat Chorus)

Instrumental Break)
Beneath the dark blue skies, we sing her favorite song
On this cold November day, my tears fall upon her stone

V3)
Cold winds blow, we say a last goodbye
She is hard to let go, on this grim day
I wipe the frozen tears, from my eyes
An angel, whispers, she will be okay

Tag)
As the angels take her home
I lay A Rose Upon Her stone

PS, Donna I really appreciate all your help.

Best,
Fran Williams


Update:
This lyric is available for a singer/songwriter/musician
to develop. Any word changes to accomplish a finished
song is approved. Would be a 50/50 co-write..Thanks!

Moments to cry for,
Fran Williams


Folks, this lyric has had some awesome help and suggestions!!
I want to find a singer/ musician to develop a demo and it could
be a 50/50 Co-Write!!

Thanks,
Fran Williams


"Dreamin' Big Dreams", Wake Up And Go For Them smile

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