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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/04/24 12:47 PM
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https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?songID=13853714Mother Nature’s Circle (Neil Cotton) Stop embrace the green as the leaves unfurl New trees spring forth from the sweet warm Earth Farmers' fields yield clover and grain Setting the table for life’s refrain May Mother Nature’s circle Keep turning round and round. A circle of promise Where blessings abound Stop consume the colors autumn serves up Thank mother nature for showing her love A fiery show before the cold that winter brings She’ll need forgiveness long before it’s spring May Mother Nature’s circle Keep turning round and round. A circle of promise Where blessings abound Stop enjoy the snow blowing round your yard The sun sparkling on its diamond chards Travel tragedies list white outs as the cause Soft and gentle is a paradox May Mother Nature’s circle Keep turning round and round. A circle of promise Where blessings abound Stop enjoy the green as the leaves unfurl New trees spring forth from the sweet warm Earth Farmers' fields yield clover and grain Setting the table for life’s refrain May Mother Nature’s circle Keep turning round and round. A circle of promise Where blessings abound Mother Nature’s circle Where blessings abound
Last edited by Neil Cotton; 03/18/19 11:21 PM.
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I like the positive vibe of the music, fits the theme of the lyric. Could use a better vocal.
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Hi Neil. To be honest, I feel it needs a more distinct melody. What you have is a little generic. Have another go.
Vic
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I think the lyric is good Neil . The melody/ vocal i feel needs beefing up with more contrast as the song progresses. To my failing ears anyway John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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I think the lyric is good Neil . The melody/ vocal i feel needs beefing up with more contrast as the song progresses. To my failing ears anyway John Thanks for the kind remark re the lyric. I'm not sure what this means??? "beefing up with more contrast" The verses and chorus are different in melody and there is a key change indicative of the circle beginning again...spring, summer, fall, winter>spring. sorry, I don't mean to be argumentative...just clarification. The vocal always is an issue LOL
Last edited by Neil Cotton; 03/25/19 08:39 AM.
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On ABOUND last line of the chorus i think higher rather than dropping down a notch would work.Then perhaps repeat that last line again. Worth trying?
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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On ABOUND last line of the chorus i think higher rather than dropping down a notch would work.Then perhaps repeat that last line again. Worth trying?
yes ...Ok...I'll try it. Thanks
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Enunciation is of strategic importance. The Singer 'sends' a communication. Listeners have to 'receive' to complete and qualify as 'communication'.
The "Mother Nature's Circle" Lyric is poetic, which isn't always easy to sing. Poetic lines can be obscure as to meaning and in sentence structure. While you know what the words and overall story is the listener doesn't. If they miss a word a whole line may fail to achieve its place in the story. To paraphrase a quote I forget the source of: "For want of a nail (word) a shoe (line) was lost. For want of a shoe (line) a horse (Verse) was lost. For want of a horse (Verse) a soldier (Song) was lost. For loss of a battle a war was lost."
Altering pronunciation can obscure word meanings, causing listeners to miss words. Every word matters. Lose enough and the whole is lost. I noticed this on 'clo-ver', just for example, where you hesitate between the two syllables, where normal enunciation is for the second syllable to closely follow the first/accented syllable. Often this is due to a singer being 'obedient' to a Melody or Rhythm instead of bending it to accommodate 'communication'.
Your repertoire continues as I type, so I'm hearing a variety of your works. Your singing style is what I'd call 'Recitation Style', again, working like a poet. A 'Singer Style' is more flowing, more conversationally speech-like. You're sustaining words as notes that might work better if simply pronounced as words. Listening to Bob Dylan I noticed he didn't drop his vocal Melody off in obedience to the predictability of Melody dictates, at the end of lines, those strategic Rhyme-Words that are so strategic to 'hooking' listeners, keeping the words up in pitch, and crisp enunciation, so they were communicated, not lost buried among the rest of the instruments.
Study your works to see if you can spot where the words aren't 'sent' in ideal ways for listeners to 'receive'. I'd point you to your Rhyme-Words at the ends of sentences, as a starting point. You may spot others anywhere else in a line. If you can spot that end-of-line 'dropoff' in obedience to predictable Melody and 'play' with it, giving it more emphasis, altering the note, usually simply up instead of down, you might become your best critic. Study other peoples' too. See if you can spot how they get across words and lines and Songs.
Before you know it we'll both be old men and none of this will matter!
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Gary....thanks very much...this is the most help I have ever received re my vocals . I will be more attentive in the future.
BTW, old can be applied to this man. LOL
Last edited by Neil Cotton; 03/25/19 11:41 PM.
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Neil,
There a lot of nice lines here, and I do like the structure of the song being built around the four seasons. For me, the second half of the song seems stronger musically—kinda of like you hit your stride there a bit more. Not sure what exactly you are doing differently, but it’s more engaging than the opening, which ultimately you needed regardless given you went without a bridge—so the change up is nice.
Some really good tips above that are worth playing with. Keep at it, Neil.
Regards,
Deej
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Neil,
There a lot of nice lines here, and I do like the structure of the song being built around the four seasons. For me, the second half of the song seems stronger musically—kinda of like you hit your stride there a bit more. Not sure what exactly you are doing differently, but it’s more engaging than the opening, which ultimately you needed regardless given you went without a bridge—so the change up is nice.
Some really good tips above that are worth playing with. Keep at it, Neil.
Regards,
Deej when I find out what I did differently I'll let you know. LOL Modulated is the only thing. Added instrumentation ( fiddle) to reduce boredom.???
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I enjoyed this, Neil. I like the jaunty melody and the full circle structure is satisfying. For some reason, I can hear this working very well with a female singer. Gary's points about the importance of hearing the lyrics make sense. Could it have something to do with your recording set-up? The line "A fiery show before the cold that winter brings" sounds different, as if it had been added later, and it sounds clearer. Was your mic positioned differently? If so, it worked better I'm not a huge fan of this line,"Setting the table for life’s refrain." I don't see how you can set a table for a refrain. I can't think of an alternative suggestion off the top of my head. I'm also not entirely sure about the injection of tragedies into the mix when talking about snow. The rest of the song is upbeat, and I'm not sure that this short reference to the other side of nature's work fits in. That's just my feeling and others might disagree. Thanks for posting this. I really enjoyed the listen.
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I enjoyed this, Neil. I like the jaunty melody and the full circle structure is satisfying. For some reason, I can hear this working very well with a female singer. Gary's points about the importance of hearing the lyrics make sense. Could it have something to do with your recording set-up? The line "A fiery show before the cold that winter brings" sounds different, as if it had been added later, and it sounds clearer. Was your mic positioned differently? If so, it worked better I'm not a huge fan of this line,"Setting the table for life’s refrain." I don't see how you can set a table for a refrain. I can't think of an alternative suggestion off the top of my head. I'm also not entirely sure about the injection of tragedies into the mix when talking about snow. The rest of the song is upbeat, and I'm not sure that this short reference to the other side of nature's work fits in. That's just my feeling and others might disagree. Thanks for posting this. I really enjoyed the listen. Thanks Gavin, you have injected some new perspectives. More good food for thought. I think that line was added later. I guess if I have to explain the refrain line, it might not be working as I had thought it would. Cheers
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I listened after reading the lyric. It's a great song idea... and you've had comments out the kazoo on how to improve things... so I don't need to add anything. Gavin may be right... a female vocalist might be exactly what the song needs... but only after the melody is re-worked a bit. Thanks for sharing and best of luck with it.
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I listened after reading the lyric. It's a great song idea... and you've had comments out the kazoo on how to improve things... so I don't need to add anything. Gavin may be right... a female vocalist might be exactly what the song needs... but only after the melody is re-worked a bit. Thanks for sharing and best of luck with it. my head is spinning and so is my kazoo. LOL Thanks for popping by.
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I have addressed 2 issues raised.
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