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Fde,

I think you have a John Mellancamp/Taylor Swift song rolled up into one. I could hear both influences in this write-Taylor more lyrically, John M more vibe-wise. I like the concept and your tongue and cheek approach. I think with a great production this song is definitely worth pursuing--lots of fun, lots of teenagers would relate as well. I do think the "all the cheerleaders say" line could be improved--not sure how off hand, but would look there for possible experimentation "melody & timing-wise." Of course JMO. I really like the lyrical effect of "lets all do the wave."

Good luck with this!

steady-eddie

Hi FD:

Thanks for sharing. I'm guessing many in your JPF audience can "relate" to the story line. Eddie said things pretty well for me regarding the Mellencamp/Swift similarities... but I have no nits other than to say you need to continue it's development a tad if you plan to "pitch it." Enjoyed my listen... and best of luck with it.

I get a Tom Petty vibe from it particularly in the chorus. (American Girl)
The sort of outsider's angst seems Petty-ish also.

I liked it.

Someone once asked me who I would like to be tomorrow morning when I wake up?
My response was an elite NFL quarterback. Rogers, Manning, Brady, Montana, Namath....What group of people anywhere on this earth would they envy? (Linebackers and defensive ends aside. )

Your song captured that answer in another way.

Martin

Thanks Eddie for your comments. I absolutely got Mellencamp on my radar, Taylor Swift, the only thing I can see you getting that from is the subject matter involving youth.

The cheer leaders say is an internal rhyme and breaks down the chorus so it can start over again into the vesre. I actually think I used the wrong chord there, I use an augmented chord, which sounds a bit more haunting than fantasy like. If I did it again id make it smoother, it should sound like a less startling transition if done again.

Thanks for taking the time will mull over your ideas

Thank you Dave, Well it doesnt even have bass in it, i have so many songs ive started but didnt finish for whatever reason.

I wouldnt pitch as is, thanks for your ears.

Thanks Martin. Yeah? I said the same exact thing when somebody asked me in the past. Something about a quarterback, expecially winning the game in the last seconds that transcends everything else. I wouldnt mind being Elway or Marino when I was a kid.

Back in school, and somewhat in college, and my dad used to work at a college, he had similar observations. The women just flock to star athletes, its not cause they like football or basketball, they like the popularity the guy gets and wanna be part of it. Even the freakin teachers wanna be "cool" more so today.

They say, if a hollywood star, a rock star and a sports star walk into an event, everybody in the place gravitates towards the athlete. Joe Namath would turn more heads than say...Robert Redford.

Im a huge Tom Petty fan so no surprise there, thanks for your comments.

Fdemetrio,

A pretty cool tune you have here . . . sure, it’s a little raw, but all the bones are there. At the risk of making you cringe (again), I get Eddie’s reference to Taylor Swift, and it goes beyond the lyric. There’s a catchy, pop vibe running through this—which is what Taylor—like her or not—excels at . . . and so that’s a good thing. But it’s also reminiscent of some of the artists others have mentioned—and yet it’s still unique. Also a good thing.

Oddly enough, I’m not quite hearing Mellencamp on this one. Go figure. But the Petty influence, for sure.

I also stumbled on the “cheerleader” line—but I think you have the right of it . . . seems like a backing chord is just a tad off. But regardless that’s an easy fix. Definitely worth finding the time to fine tune. Enjoyed it!

All the best,

Deej

Hello Fdemetrio,


I enjoyed your song.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hey Dee thanks for listening. Yeah i already fixed the one chord, I think at the time i just thought it needed a different chord there, picked the wrong one..."ahh amateurs" lol

Well Taylor doesnt use electric guitar riffs, she uses pop hooks and vibes, id say this is closer to All American Rejects or something like that. I dont dislike Taylor but I dont listen to her other than the times shes been on the radio

Just another work in progress, which will stay in the same place if as it was finished....

Thanks Calvin!

I suppose many guys can relate to the story of the good looking athlete who seems to have it all, the one the girls swoon over.
As for me i was a sex symbol for girls who weren't too fussy.
Some good lines there. The my mom line reminded me of Millhouse in the Simpson's.
Never properly listened to Taylor Swift or Mellencamp but I do get Dave's reference to the late lamented Tom Petty..
Nerds seem to be an integral feature of US culture and much kinder than some of our labels.
Yes it is raw but it works which is important.
I have heard snatching of Mellencamp and perhaps I should listen to TS.
John