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#1151336 - 03/03/19 08:04 AM Craving For Your Smile  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 153
Mimmo Offline
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Mimmo  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 153
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Thanks to Earl Steely for all his big help on the guitars tracks...
John Vaughan for the lyrics.

I did the rest of the track including the vocals.
Thanks for listening


https://soundcloud.com/domenic-mercurio/craving-for-your-smile-john-vaughan

Craving for your smile. (John Vaughan)

V1
Our love was falling apart
It really broke our hearts
Then someone else took you away... from me
Taking my song my sweet melody
Still loved you all the while
Nearly over you, but I知 still craving for your smile
CH
I知 craving for your smile
your lips that I used to kiss
My Eyes that looked at you with a yearning
looked away with tears, my tears are burning
I知 craving for your smile
Yes I知 craving for your smile
V2
Starting today I知 moving on
not looking for another one
Hope you are happy in your new life
and that it works out right for you
As for me, it'll take a while
But one day I will stop
craving for your smile
CH2
I知 craving for your smile
your lips that I used to kiss
My eyes that looked at you with a yearning
looked away with tears, my tears are burning
I知 craving for your smile
Yes I知 craving for your smile
BR
Sometimes I'll look at your picture
I know I shouldn't do
But at midnight when I miss you
It's all I have of you
CH
looked away with tears, my tears are burning
I知 craving for your smile
Yes I知 craving for your smile
I知 craving for your smile
Yes I知 craving for your smile

Last edited by Mimmo; 03/04/19 08:00 AM.
#1151340 - 03/03/19 02:54 PM Re: Craving For Your Smile [Re: Mimmo]  
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Posts: 11,963
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Best of luck with it Mimmo.


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1151343 - 03/03/19 06:27 PM Re: Craving For Your Smile [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Dave Rice (D) Offline
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Texas
Good to see another song post, Guys:

Best wishes for success with it. My only "nit"... it may be too close to the five minute mark for some publishers or producers. (Depending on whether or not you plan to pitch it.) As always, Mimmo, your vocals are so well performed. Thanks for sharing. ----Dave

#1151344 - 03/03/19 07:55 PM Re: Craving For Your Smile [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,513
Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Could you possibly mark the verses as V1, V1, bridge, chorus etc. It's just easier to see the format of the song. Thanks buddy!


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#1151348 - 03/04/19 12:23 AM Re: Craving For Your Smile [Re: Mimmo]  
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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You have a really good voice, Mimmo. There is one big problem, though. "I'm craving for your smile" is not correct English. You crave something; you don't crave for something. Since it's in the title and is the hook repeated over and over in the song, you'll really need to fix that.

#1151355 - 03/04/19 08:15 AM Re: Craving For Your Smile [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Aug 2018
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Mimmo Offline
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Mimmo  Offline
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Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Thanks John

Dave ...Good to hear from you and thanks for listening.

Kay-Lynn Thanks for the suggestion.

Gavin, Hi and thanks for listening and .

The original name and idea was "Craving Your Smile"...As we started the writing and recording process it changed it to what we have now... I know it is not proper English but it does fit better in there so we stuck with it.

Thank you all for stopping by.
Mimmo

Last edited by Mimmo; 03/04/19 08:16 AM.
#1151376 - 03/05/19 02:37 AM Re: Craving For Your Smile [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,963
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Thanks Dave appreciate your comments and suggestion
John5


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1151389 - 03/05/19 08:10 PM Re: Craving For Your Smile [Re: Dave Rice (D)]  
Joined: Aug 2018
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Mimmo Offline
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Mimmo  Offline
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Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by Dave Rice
Good to see another song post, Guys:

Best wishes for success with it. My only "nit"... it may be too close to the five minute mark for some publishers or producers. (Depending on whether or not you plan to pitch it.) As always, Mimmo, your vocals are so well performed. Thanks for sharing. ----Dave


Hi Dave...I know it is a bit too long, but I still think that most publishers/producers only listen to 10-15 seconds of a song and if they like that, there is a chance they will listen to the rest of it.
Thanks for listening .
Mimmo

#1151418 - 03/06/19 10:46 PM Re: Craving For Your Smile [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,569
E Swartz Offline
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E Swartz  Offline
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Ohio
Hey Mimmo.

I like your song too, always enjoy your voice. When songs are a bit on the long side and depending on the vibe in general I like to see bridges digress a bit more musically. I felt at the transition the bridge was going to really launch more after hearing the drum "pre-launch," but it felt more sort of falling, and falling is fine with some songs--just felt this one should lift more at the bridge - perhaps more of a "climactic" bridge acting more like a "key change" which can energize a longer song. You might IMO experiment with the bridge in this manner, then you might want to tell me to go jump in a lake! Just food for thought on the bridge.

Gavin, my respectable colleague, I didn't feel that the grammar was being used incorrectly with "I'm craving for your smile." If it would be correct in saying "I'm craving for your apple pie," that structure would be the same--a smile can be a noun or verb--a noun within this song structure. (crave, craved, craving) I see no problem, but perhaps I'm unaware of a grammar rule here? Please demonstrate how that is incorrect, as I do appreciate using proper grammar myself. However, with songwriting, I've purposely used bad grammar for "folksy effect." Anyway, Mimmo likes Elvis........and if Elvis can say, "You ain't nothing but a hound dog," Mimmo should be safe, as "ain't" surely isn't proper grammar.

Mimmo, John, I enjoyed your collab, well written both musically and lyrically - "it ain't too shabby!"

steady-eddie

#1151424 - 03/07/19 08:21 AM Re: Craving For Your Smile [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 153
Mimmo Offline
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Mimmo  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 153
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Hi Ed.
Thank you for listening and for your comments on the song.
I think I will let it go as is,
I've been listening to this song for a while now, while it was being created and then recorded. Once I got the guitars in the mix, I liked it even more.
All comments from off-site friends where very positive about it...But I do get what you said about the bridge.
Thanks for your comments on my voice too.
Mimmo

Last edited by Mimmo; 03/07/19 08:21 AM.
#1151475 - 03/10/19 12:09 PM Re: Craving For Your Smile [Re: Mimmo]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,363
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Posts: 1,363
Hi, Mimmo,

I like what you've done here, nice job production wise--really like the lead guitar work, and the chorus is very catchy. Like Gavin, I struggle the hook, though I also think it's a personal, subjective indifference to the word "craving"-- but I understand the needed us of "craving for" in the context of the melody. Regardless, it's just a small nit, and not a meaningful thing. This is a really good listen. Enjoyed it.

All the best,

Deej

#1151482 - 03/10/19 01:12 PM Re: Craving For Your Smile [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 153
Mimmo Offline
Serious Contributor
Mimmo  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 153
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted by Deej56
Hi, Mimmo,

I like what you've done here, nice job production wise--really like the lead guitar work, and the chorus is very catchy. Like Gavin, I struggle the hook, though I also think it's a personal, subjective indifference to the word "craving"-- but I understand the needed us of "craving for" in the context of the melody. Regardless, it's just a small nit, and not a meaningful thing. This is a really good listen. Enjoyed it.

All the best,

Deej


Hi Deej...Yaeh, Earl has done a great job on the guitar tracks. I think he sent me 7 tracks for it.
Thanks for listening and for your your comments on this.
Regards
Mimmo

Last edited by Mimmo; 03/10/19 01:25 PM.

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