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#1150851 - 02/12/19 02:24 PM Gamble At The Wheel  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,737
Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,737
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Gamble At The Wheel (Neil Cotton)

https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?songID=13840720

Cars are loaded guns
Will kill ya in a flash
These were dadís words
As I slid under the dash

Cars are like roulette
Where will the spinning stop
The outcomes could be
A lesson in hard knocks

Life is scary
At the wheel
Life is a gamble
At the wheel


Cars are paradox
The world is there for you.
But you are responsible
For yours and others too

Life is uncertain
At the wheel
Life is a gamble
At the wheel

My dad was right Iíve seen it for myself
If it werenít for luck Iíd be past the gates of hell

Life is uncertain
At the wheel
Life is a gamble
At the wheel

My dad was right Iíve seen it for myself

Life is a gamble
At the wheel

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 02/12/19 02:41 PM.
#1151037 - 02/20/19 10:27 AM Re: Gamble At The Wheel [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Jun 2005
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Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
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bump...I like this, what are your thoughts

#1151176 - 02/25/19 03:10 AM Re: Gamble At The Wheel [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,644
Iggy Offline
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Iggy  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,644
Manheim, PA
I read your other post about having 4 songs without feedback. Iíve been around for a while, and check out JPF often. Although I listen to a few songs every day, I shy away from feedback. The reason is simple. Who the heck am I?

So I listened to this song a few times. I wanted to avoid the ďnice tune, good job" comments and tried to give you some honest feedback. I liked the storyline in the lyrics. It has a lot of potential. What would I do differently? First I'd go up in scale on the chorus not down. I would also add maybe four more lines to the chorus and loose the slide fill between verse 1 and 2. Not sure why you went to the chorus after two verses but then only went to the chorus after one verse from then on.

So hopefully youíll view my comments as just one guyís thoughts. Who the heck am I anyway?

#1151249 - 02/26/19 10:47 PM Re: Gamble At The Wheel [Re: Iggy]  
Joined: Jun 2005
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Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Thanks Iggy

Chorus down instead of up was for a change up , I always go up, also I heard this done on couple songs recently...I thought lower register fit the content.

2 V then one...2 to establish the theme (gamble) going,then one to keep it going....
Thanks for asking I hope it makes sense.

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 02/26/19 10:47 PM.
#1151269 - 02/27/19 11:53 PM Re: Gamble At The Wheel [Re: Neil Cotton]  
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Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Posts: 964
Neil,

Some nice lines here and a good idea for a song. For me, itís somewhat incomplete, if Iím to be honest. And I hope you know Iím from the school that believes music is subjective . . . so just because it doesnít hit home with me, doesnít mean itís not a cool tune that others will appreciate. So use or lose anything that follows:

While I like a lot of the lines, some of them just donít connect. For example, why are cars a paradox? Why is life uncertain at the wheel? Why is life a gamble at the wheel? For me, Iím not sure I see how your verses support the chorus. As the singer slid under the dash (in the first verse), did the Dad really say all (and just) that?

You have something hereóa potentially compelling analogy between the rules of the road and the rules of life, and the dangers of bothóbut ti lacks depth and substance lyrically. At the end, Iím a little unclear on exactly what the message is.

Again, it could be just meóso take it with a big grain of saltóand regardless, donít give up on this one. It has potential. I appreciate your effort and thanks for sharing this with us.

All the best,

Deej

Last edited by Deej56; 02/27/19 11:53 PM.
#1151290 - 02/28/19 05:41 PM Re: Gamble At The Wheel [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2005
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Neil Cotton Online content
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Neil Cotton  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,737
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Originally Posted by Deej56
Neil,

Some nice lines here and a good idea for a song. For me, itís somewhat incomplete, if Iím to be honest. And I hope you know Iím from the school that believes music is subjective . . . so just because it doesnít hit home with me, doesnít mean itís not a cool tune that others will appreciate. So use or lose anything that follows:

While I like a lot of the lines, some of them just donít connect. For example, why are cars a paradox? Why is life uncertain at the wheel? Why is life a gamble at the wheel? For me, Iím not sure I see how your verses support the chorus. As the singer slid under the dash (in the first verse), did the Dad really say all (and just) that?

You have something hereóa potentially compelling analogy between the rules of the road and the rules of life, and the dangers of bothóbut ti lacks depth and substance lyrically. At the end, Iím a little unclear on exactly what the message is.

Again, it could be just meóso take it with a big grain of saltóand regardless, donít give up on this one. It has potential. I appreciate your effort and thanks for sharing this with us.

All the best,

Deej

I appreciate your POV...the meaning is in fact what the chorus says...you take a chance every time you sit at the wheel of a car. It is an expansion of my dad's words to me re the gun...no he never said all of this. Maybe I'm too vague...I'll have a look at how it can be made more obvious.
Thanks for your input.

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 02/28/19 05:41 PM.

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