Who's Online Now
18 registered members (Leanne Marchand, couchgrouch, brendaesteplyrics, Andy K, Brian Austin Whitney, Martin Lide, JaneK, maccharles, 3 invisible), and 461 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Douglas Murphy
Douglas Murphy
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Posts: 6,206
Joined: January 2009
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
I Love Only You
by Leanne Marchand. 04/22/19 12:03 AM
Only Ravens Know
by Leanne Marchand. 04/21/19 11:41 PM
DANCE WITH HIM. ( not done country for a while)
by Leanne Marchand. 04/21/19 11:14 PM
Parody
by Leanne Marchand. 04/21/19 10:52 PM
Song Requirements
by JaneK. 04/21/19 08:19 PM
A Hop in My Walk
by Neil Cotton. 04/21/19 03:01 PM
In Your Dreams
by Walt Lamberg. 04/21/19 02:05 PM
Making Great Demos with BIAB
by Neil Cotton. 04/21/19 08:40 AM
Lil Nas and Old Town Road
by Martin Lide. 04/20/19 10:30 PM
If You Stay
by Martin Lide. 04/20/19 08:16 PM
ALONE TIME
by Moosesong. 04/20/19 07:13 PM
Shift Happens
by Neil Cotton. 04/20/19 07:09 PM
Disc Makers Blog: Music Libraries
by John Lawrence Schick. 04/20/19 06:57 PM
Maggot Lago
by Moosesong. 04/20/19 05:06 PM
My Own True Love---Novella
by Fdemetrio. 04/20/19 12:36 PM
Attention Span?
by Everett Adams. 04/20/19 07:37 AM
Dumpster Of Broken Hearts
by nightengale. 04/20/19 12:57 AM
Who's got money for music, and isn't listening?
by Dave Rice. 04/19/19 11:27 PM
Hop in My Walk
by Neil Cotton. 04/19/19 01:15 PM
THE LOST CHAD SONG
by Ray E. Strode. 04/19/19 11:51 AM
My Witching Hour
by Sam Wilson. 04/19/19 10:51 AM
Better Memories
by Dave Rice. 04/19/19 08:44 AM
Mixed Vegetable Soup Recipe for Babies
by Brian Austin Whitney. 04/18/19 09:55 PM
Blowin' Up A Storm
by Gerry. 04/18/19 04:48 PM
Moments Of Desire
by Mimmo. 04/18/19 12:35 PM
Gone With the Ghost of the Sun
by couchgrouch. 04/18/19 11:12 AM
Irene (Mark Kaufmann Collab)
by Fdemetrio. 04/18/19 10:54 AM
Rough Chic'
by F Williams. 04/18/19 10:50 AM
song a week/we never ruled the world.
by Gary E. Andrews. 04/18/19 10:16 AM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,716
Travis david 11,382
Kevin Emmrich 10,543
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,572
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,844
glynda 8,589
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,903
couchgrouch 7,483
Corey 7,357
Dave Rice 7,169
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,452
Joe Wrabek 6,403
ben willis 6,097
Vicarn 6,043
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,473
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
Neil Cotton 4,737
DonnaMarilyn 4,635
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,356
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,033
Roy Cooper 4,017
nightengale 3,993
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,794
Dan Sullivan 3,710
MFB III 3,687
beechnut79 3,492
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
E Swartz 3,309
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,812
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,570
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,203
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,982
maccharles 1,926
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,644
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,596
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,461
Tom Franz 1,453
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
GocartMoz 1,396
mattbanx 1,384
Martin Lide 1,379
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Ian Ferrin 1,230
PeteG 1,229
Glen King 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,134
summeoyo 1,108
Fdemetrio 1,096
joro 1,081
BobbyJoe 1,075
lane1777 1,052
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Deej56 964
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 947
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
9ne 875
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
90 dB 760
Andy K 740
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Irwin 615
Mel 614
Pat Hardy 604
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
Moosesong 572
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
R&M 487
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1149969 - 01/11/19 04:25 PM I fell and Broke my Heart  
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 70
ckiphen Offline
Serious Contributor
ckiphen  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 70
- Select One - houston, texas...
I fell and broke my heart
Verse
She took me to the mountain
And to the clouds above
And at the rainbows end
I thought that I found love.
She made me feel so happy
then took it all away.
Now I am a blind man
trying to find my way.
Chorus
I fell and broke my heart.
I gathered what I could.
I hoped that it would heal
but found it never would.
Iíve tried to love again
But scars are slow to heal.
I need to find a loving hand
to teach me how to feel.
Verse
Youíve taken time to listen.
Youíve shared what youíve been through
And slowly but surely
Iíve seen youíre lonely too.
Iím finding strength in caring.
Youíre helping me to heal.
Day by day Iím learning
How loveís supposed to feel.
Chorus
I fell and broke my heart.
I gathered what I could.
I hoped that it would heal
but found it never would.
Iíve tried to love again
But scars are slow to heal.
I need to find a loving hand
to teach me how to feel.
Verse
You took me to the summit
And to the clouds above
And at the rainbows end
I found that there was love.
Youíve made me truly happy;
helped me fond my way.
Youíve given me much more
than what she took away.
Bridge
You gave without asking;
Turned friendship into love;
Made a broken heart
even stronger than it was.

#1150003 - 01/12/19 09:20 PM Re: I fell and Broke my Heart [Re: ckiphen]  
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 170
Perry Neal Crawford Offline
Serious Contributor
Perry Neal Crawford  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 170
California
I really like the title and the premise that goes with it. It is so country to put a down home spin on ideas. As I read your piece I tried to put a tune with it and sing it in my head. I stumble on the inconsistent syllabolic rhythm of the verse lines to match a tune that works throughout the piece. Seven beats in the first line followed by six in the second set a pattern that is not kept throughout. I was a rhythm guitarist in a country band so my comment comes from that point of view (for chord changes and such). Great story and depiction of the chain of events.

#1150016 - 01/13/19 01:58 PM Re: I fell and Broke my Heart [Re: ckiphen]  
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 70
ckiphen Offline
Serious Contributor
ckiphen  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 70
- Select One - houston, texas...
Feel free to play around with the lyrics so they flow. I never consider a lyric finished till it's in a song and all parties are satisfied with it.

#1150035 - 01/14/19 05:00 PM Re: I fell and Broke my Heart [Re: ckiphen]  
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 170
Perry Neal Crawford Offline
Serious Contributor
Perry Neal Crawford  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 170
California
I fell and broke my heart
Verse
She took me to the mountain
And to the clouds above
And sliding down a rainbow
I thought that I found love.
She made me feel so happy
then took it all away.
Now I'm a blind man stumbling
in vein to find my way.
Chorus
I fell and broke my heart.
I gathered what I could.
I hoped that it would heal
but found it never would.
Iíve tried to love again
But scars are slow to heal.
I need a loving hand
to teach me how to feel.
Verse
Youíve taken time to listen.
Youíve shared what youíve been through
And soon my eyes were opened,
Iíve seen youíre lonely too.
Iím finding strength in caring.
Youíre helping me to heal.
My heart is ever learning
How loveís supposed to feel.
Chorus
I fell and broke my heart.
I gathered what I could.
I hoped that it would heal
but thought it never would.
Iíve tried to love again
But scars were slow to heal.
I found your loving hand
that taught me how to feel.
Verse
You took me to the summit
And to the clouds above,
Together down the rainbow
I found that there was love.
Youíve made me truly happy;
helped me find my way.
Youíve given me more treasure
than what she took away.
Bridge
You gave without my asking;
Turned friendship into love;
Made a broken heart mend
even stronger than it was.

I saw your story line taking the listener on your journey from ecstasy to pain, then through healing, and back to ecstasy. I changed phrase of recurring pain beautifully put in the first Chorus "but found it never would" to show the healing happening by the second chorus, "but thought it never would". Some minor word changes for the smoothing of the syllabic rhythm for the rainbow visual, coming down from the clouds together in the end, as opposed to alone (as implied in verse one, which culminated in pain and disillusionment). I did not want to make any changes that would detract from this inspiring story or rob it of your uniqueness.

#1150113 - 01/17/19 01:48 PM Re: I fell and Broke my Heart [Re: ckiphen]  
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 70
ckiphen Offline
Serious Contributor
ckiphen  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 70
- Select One - houston, texas...
Thanks for the advice Neil.

#1150132 - 01/18/19 12:26 PM Re: I fell and Broke my Heart [Re: ckiphen]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,492
beechnut79 Offline
Top 100 Poster
beechnut79  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,492
Villa Park IL
Reminds me that just yesterday I composed a similar lyric about feeling alone and heartbroken, which is the theme of this piece. Not my real-life mindset at the moment; just decided it was time to do one. But it may be a while before you see it here because I have quite a ways to go to complete the posting of my entire batch of 2018. I have written five new ones in this new year so far, with probably at least two more to go before this month is out.

Might seek out some traditional country artists such as David Ball to try and pitch this to. Good luck.

#1150845 - 02/11/19 11:17 PM Re: I fell and Broke my Heart [Re: ckiphen]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,737
Neil Cotton Online content
Top 100 Poster
Neil Cotton  Online Content
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,737
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
great work! I really like change from third person to second. told in first person


Last edited by Neil Cotton; 02/11/19 11:20 PM.
#1150872 - 02/13/19 10:02 AM Re: I fell and Broke my Heart [Re: ckiphen]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,169
Dave Rice Offline
Top 30 Poster
Dave Rice  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,169
Texas
The title is a hook... but they only get you "through the door"... This one has much more going for it. Sorry, Kiph, I don't spend much time reading other people's lyrics but this one has a ton of potential. Musically... or genre speaking, it could go nicely in several formats.

No suggestions, only observations, my friend. Keep at it until you are satisfied. Wish Barry were here to "take a crack at it." Its a story we've all heard before... but one worth telling. Thanks for sharing and best wishes for getting it "tacked up" on all the charts. Oh, I forgot, they don't have charts anymore... just playlists suggested by Apple or Gargoyle! LOL!


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
brendaesteplyrics, Bear30044, ChristianSongs, Watersrundeep81, Nelly_Tharwat
21186 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics118,862
Posts1,120,544
Members21,186
Average Posts Daily28
Most Online1,541
Feb 21st, 2019
Just Plain Quotes
"I have dreamed a lot of things that have come true for other people, because I didn't take the action to make them come true for me." ‚ÄďBrian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Rob Bruce (49)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0