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#1150486 - 01/29/19 12:25 AM Ashes  
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Deej56 Offline
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Hi, all:

Here's another co-write with Travis David. When Travis first sent me the original lyrics, the anger of the singer really jumped out at me, and so I thought going harder rock would be a good direction. The challenge though was never having tried to do something along those lines with BIAB and never quite having gone there vocally. Anyway, Travis was especially patient with me as I seemingly took forever to come up with something somewhat listenable (at least I hope).

For better or worse, here's the result. Feedback is always welcome and appreciated (my mix, as always, is ever a work in progress). Thanks in advance for taking the time to listen.

ASHES

(V) When the wind howls
keeping you awake;
when your dog barks
at your creaking gate;
go bury your head and try to hide,
because I won’t be there
to keep the boogie man outside.

(V) When your phone rings,
it won’t be me;
I heard the fat girl sing,
so our love is history
I’m building a funeral pyre
of sad memories,
I’m burning them to ashes
so finally I’m free . . .

(C) Ashes—they might even blow your way—
Ashes—from all the bridges that I’ve burned today—
Ashes—there’ll be no rising like a phoenix—
Ashes, ashes—burn what’s between us.

(V) No, I won’t be there
keeping you from harm,
saying it’s all right,
cuddlin’ up real warm.
Somewhere on the interstate
a madman screams—
cause you're the woman
who turned all my dreams into . . .

(C) Ashes—they might even blow your way—
Ashes—from all the bridges that I’ve burned today—
Ashes—there’ll be no rising like a phoenix—
Ashes, ashes—burn what’s between us.

(B) Our love was hot, we were writhing in the flames;
You touched that spot and I’ll never be the same;
But it all turned cold when you whispered his name . . .

(C) Ashes—they might even blow your way—
Ashes—from the bridges that I’ve burned today—
Ashes—there’ll be no rising like a phoenix—
Ashes, ashes—burn what’s between us.

(c)2019 John Vaughn/DJ Lekich


Last edited by Deej56; 01/31/19 01:31 AM.
#1150488 - 01/29/19 08:18 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Martin Lide Online content
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DJ

That sounds like a strident protest song. An individual is stridently protesting another individual.
You all did a good job of complimenting it with the music. I always enjoy your voice.

A couple of things you might try for effect....softening the base in the verse and if your DAW will do it....take the BPM in the verse down 2-3 beats but leave the bpm where it is in the chorus The slight contrast might add a little tension.

Enjoyed the song. Nice word flow and word choices. Nice rendition. smile

Regards

Martin

#1150490 - 01/29/19 08:49 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Hey you pair.
Nice arrangement. Works really well.
I must like it because I was humming it in my head after it played.

One sugg I have is to decrease the EQ a little around 4000kz in the vocal as I think it's maybe a little to toppy.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

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#1150491 - 01/29/19 09:04 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Nice track, great vocal! I agree with Vicarn, take a little off the top end of the vocal as it sounds a bit brittle to me as well. Intonation is wonderful! I really like the lyrics, though it seems you might be able to get more out of the 3rd verse as it doesn't say much more than the first two. Still, a great track!
=Bob=

#1150505 - 01/29/19 01:55 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Thanks for your comments Martin. I'm sure Dave will be ariund at some point to reply to the technical issues you mentiobed
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1150506 - 01/29/19 02:07 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Enjoyed my listen, guys:

Keep 'em coming our way.

Best of luck with it... ----Dave

#1150514 - 01/29/19 03:48 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Thanks Vic Appreciate your listen and suggestions
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1150515 - 01/29/19 05:08 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Another good one guys. Well done.
Mimmo

#1150520 - 01/29/19 08:23 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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I really liked the intensity of this! Great song.


If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
#1150525 - 01/30/19 01:19 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Travis david Offline
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Hi Bob
Thanks for listening. The third verse is the moving on/out part which i thought it needed.
Deej altered the interstate line from it's my original "engine Sreams".
Other points i'm sure Deej will adress Bob
Cheers
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1150526 - 01/30/19 01:20 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Hi Dave
Thanks for your support once again
Cheers
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1150534 - 01/30/19 08:31 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Travis david]  
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BobDobbins Online content
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Originally Posted by Travis david
Hi Bob
Thanks for listening. The third verse is the moving on/out part which i thought it needed.
Deej altered the interstate line from it's my original "engine Sreams".
Other points i'm sure Deej will adress Bob
Cheers
Travis

I think it's only the first 4 lines of the last verse. The last 4 lines are really great!
=Bob=

#1150546 - 01/30/19 12:25 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Hi Mimmo
Thanks for having a listen very much appreciated
Regards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1150547 - 01/30/19 12:26 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Got an email today confirming it will be played on Source radio this Friday.
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1150582 - 01/31/19 01:38 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Martin Lide]  
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Martin,

Thanks for stopping in. I like both your suggestions, and I've already tried softening the bass in the verse (which at this point was just easing up on the volume a bit). May not be exactly what and where you were thinking, but I can always tweak a bit further. The second suggestion is really interesting, and I'm sure there's a way to do it in my DAW. The "how" is another matter--I'll have to spend some time randomly clicking on stuff and see if I can stumble upon it. smile

I've linked to a revised version that also tries to address some of the other comments below.

Best regards,

Deej

#1150583 - 01/31/19 01:40 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vic and Bob,

Appreciate you both giving this one a listen and taking the time to provide some helpful feedback. I played a bit more with the equalizer per Vic's instructions and tried to soften it a bit more--not sure it's made too much of a difference, but hopefully a little better. The revised version is linked above. Again, thanks for the support and suggestions.

My best to both of you!

Deej

Last edited by Deej56; 01/31/19 01:42 AM.
#1150584 - 01/31/19 01:42 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Dave Rice]  
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Dave, Mimmo and Greg:

Thanks to each of you for the listen and kind comments. Greatly appreciated by both of us!

My kind regards to you all,

Deej

#1150586 - 01/31/19 06:31 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Calvin Offline
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Hi guys,


An enjoyable listen.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1150605 - 02/01/19 02:10 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Hi Calvin
Thanks for the thumbs up
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1150606 - 02/01/19 02:15 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Travis david Offline
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You might have a point there Bob.
Worth a nother look certainly. But perhaps more feedback in before a rewrite
Your suggestion is a good one
Cheers
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1150679 - 02/04/19 02:05 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Uploaded to the BBC and listened to according to an email today.
Chance it might get a play Thursday or Saturday on Introducing


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1150684 - 02/04/19 05:11 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Travis david]  
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Martin Lide Online content
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Originally Posted by Travis david
Uploaded to the BBC and listened to according to an email today.
Chance it might get a play Thursday or Saturday on Introducing


Congratulations Travis

#1150694 - 02/04/19 11:12 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Travis david]  
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BobDobbins Online content
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Originally Posted by Travis david
Uploaded to the BBC and listened to according to an email today.
Chance it might get a play Thursday or Saturday on Introducing

Excellent!
=Bob=

#1150800 - 02/09/19 12:16 AM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Calvin, Martin and Bob,

Thanks for the support. I'm waiting to hear whether we got the additional play--would be nice, but I'm not holding my breath. Not sure BIAB and my mixing skills are enough to get things to the next level . . . But I'm happier knowing my friends on JPF appreciated the listen. So thanks to each of you for that!!!

My best to you all,

Deej

#1150818 - 02/09/19 10:02 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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E Swartz Online content
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Hey guys,

How did I miss this one? Sounds really cool, a bit like a Tom Petty song. I really like the vocals. I would prefer the lead guitar more forward and less distorted, but that's JMO. Nice work all round with this write!

steady-eddie

#1150824 - 02/10/19 03:16 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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You're sounding really good, Deej, giving that necessary edge to Travis' lyric. I don't know much about the tech side of it, but it sounded cool to me. Nice collab, guys.

Ricki

#1150857 - 02/12/19 08:33 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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maccharles Online content
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this one surprised me, don't know what I was expecting. The vocal has a peter garrett meets peter murphy thing in shades, lends itself very well to the jagged, angry lyric. Well done.

#1150924 - Yesterday at 11:10 PM Re: Ashes [Re: Deej56]  
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Eddie, Ricki, and Mac,

Thanks much for the listen and kind feedback. Definitely stretched a bit on this one, so I'm glad it sounded OK to your ears. Hope all is well with all of you.

My kind regards,

Deej


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