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#1150759 - 02/07/19 11:38 AM Smuggler's Moon  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 753
90 dB Offline
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90 dB  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Florida
Audio:

https://90dbband.bandcamp.com/track/smugglers-moon


Video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ovGWcaVxWA




Smuggler's Moon

©2015 Robert Randall Burke/Penelope Bradford Burke


Some are born to wealth
Some to poverty
You know a man can't grasp
What he cannot see
If all goes well
I will see you soon
Look for me
Beneath the Smuggler's Moon.

Just a few more hours
I'll be safe and sound
Boat is runnin' strong
Not a soul around
Charlie's at the helm
Whistlin' a tune
We're sneakin' in
Beneath the Smuggler's Moon.

Sliver of a moon
But I can see alright
Hold's full of rum
There'll be some fun tonight
Just a ship of fools
With a lucky gold doubloon
Makin' fast
Beneath the Smuggler's Moon.



Comments/Crits welcome.



Regards,


Bob

Last edited by 90 dB; 02/08/19 02:50 PM. Reason: Added Video Link
#1150766 - 02/07/19 03:25 PM Re: Smuggler's Moon [Re: 90 dB]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,269
E Swartz Online content
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Ohio
Hey Bob,

What a beautiful song and beautiful write. I really enjoyed this, well written, produced, arranged, and performed. I listened on decent headphones so my thoughts are based on that listen. My only production sug might be slightly backing off the vocal reverb about 10-15%, you're a good enough singer and don't need quite that much with this slower ballad. Having said that, doesn't at all mean it sounds bad, but IMO the song will feel more "current" with a little less vocal verb. My other sug would be to back off at least 2 db on the bass guitar allowing it to stay more bottomed balanced and not competing as much--I do like the bass track being pronounced, but the bass comes a little more forward in some places than needed IMO. Those aren't nits, just some polishing sugs and my opinion--use or lose.

I'm really impressed, beautiful work here! I could listen to this song over again many times.

steady-eddie

#1150772 - 02/08/19 12:02 AM Re: Smuggler's Moon [Re: 90 dB]  
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BobDobbins Online content
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Excellent track Lovely vocals. Too much bass for me. Needs a bit of high end to get that LOVELY vocal to stand out. Excellent work, love this track!
=Bob=

#1150783 - 02/08/19 11:44 AM Re: Smuggler's Moon [Re: 90 dB]  
Joined: Apr 2008
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Wisconsin
Very cool, Bob. I loved the overall feel, production and vocal but then I know nothing of the technicalities.

Lyrically, while I like what you have, I'd reverse the first and third verses. For one thing, the first line of verse 3 is more interesting and pulls the listener into the story. The first line of verse 1 is a little off the topic until maybe you know more of the story.

Also, taking the next to the last line of each verse, in reverse order...making fast...we're sneaking in...look for me...just seems to flow better.

Just some ideas. Still an enjoyable listen.

Ricki

#1150787 - 02/08/19 02:00 PM Re: Smuggler's Moon [Re: 90 dB]  
Joined: Oct 2017
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Fdemetrio Online content
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Fdemetrio  Online Content
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Posts: 900
It reminds me lyrically of a Springsteen song, Meeting across the river, Atlantic City, somebody looking to make a splash during economicly bad times.

I like the economy of it, and I think saying smuggler lets everyone know what the guy is thinking, it's just kind of a vague plan.

I agree the first couple lines could be stronger, get right into it like you do in the second verse.

But i enjoyed the "not trying to do too much with it" approach.




Last edited by Fdemetrio; 02/08/19 02:04 PM.
#1150802 - 02/09/19 12:21 AM Re: Smuggler's Moon [Re: 90 dB]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Offline
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Bob,

Great sound and feel to this one—nice vocal, too. I like Rikki’s suggestion about rearranging the order of the verses. Starting with the third verse sets up a story—those first two lines of the first verse—actually, I’ll be honest here—I don’t get their connection to the rest of the song. Everything that follows those two lines are personal; the first two lines of the song aren’t.

It would be cool moving that first verse to the third verse and replacing those first two lines entirely. I get the feel the singer is moving towards "her" (“If all goes well I will see you soon”). So nice to set the mood with verse 3 then 2, and then bring it home to him “sneakin’ in” to see her “beneath the Smuggler’s Moon”.

Hope that makes sense. And, hey, I’m really nitpickin’ here. This is really, really good as is. So do what feels right to you.

All the best, sir,

Deej

#1150813 - 02/09/19 11:11 AM Re: Smuggler's Moon [Re: 90 dB]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,973
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Feels like Orbison to me. Nice and easy going.
I like Ricki's suggestion to swap 1st and 3rd verse, too.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1150875 - 02/13/19 10:06 AM Re: Smuggler's Moon [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: Nov 2011
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90 dB Offline
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90 dB  Offline
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Florida
Thanks for the listen and comments Eddie. Appreciate it.



Regards,


Bob

#1150876 - 02/13/19 10:07 AM Re: Smuggler's Moon [Re: 90 dB]  
Joined: Nov 2011
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90 dB Offline
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90 dB  Offline
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Florida
Bob,

Thanks for the listen.



Regards,


Bob


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