JPF Home Page Forums General Messages Songwriter Message Forum Living Room Producer

I've recently began my musical journey. I appreciate any feedback. Just the fact you clicked is all i need. All forms of CnC please.

This song is called Aphrodite. It is about the society we live in and how we worship other people like they are Greek gods. I consider it a political protest over a song personally.

https://soundcloud.com/alfredo-stein/aphrodite

(Verse)
Why does life feel like its reversed
We sit at home and just rehearse
Our favorite songs and movies like
They are compared to Aphrodite

There really is an all mighty
He puts a bit of him in everybody
Even if you do not believe
He is not the one who deceives

If you are taking note
maybe you should contemplate who
exactly you are worshiping
fling your rocks you will not hurt me

Take your kings and queens elsewhere
I don't even have a bus fare
Is it really only me who cares
Lost them all in modern warfare

(Chorus)
Catch me in the future
Catch me in the past
Whatever you do
Make my memory last

Time is so distant
Time is so near
Why can't we all
see that one thing clear

(Verse 2)
Random passerby can stare
Tell them to change the world I dare
This world is not square or rectangle
I'm stuck inside this quadrilateral

This next verse is a lateral
Because I've had it all up to here
This foolish De-Moch-racy
Is ruining everything we loved

Get your kids some security
Instead of thinking liability
Capitalism has ruined
The state of out economy

Lets go for the two point conversion
Before they throw another diversion
Jefferson told us what to do
With tyrants who do not oblige

(Chorus)
Catch me in the future
Catch me in the past
Whatever you do
Make my memory last

Time is so distant
Time is so near
Why can't we all
see that one thing clear

(Bridge)
Till then I'll be rising through
the clouds
Playing my music loud
One day there will be a crowd
One day my pops'll be proud
One day there will be a crowd
One day

(Chorus)
Catch me in the future
Catch me in the past
Whatever you do
Make my memory last

Time is so distant
Time is so near
Why can't we all
see that one thing clear

Morning, Alfred:

Welcome to JPF. My, that is a great deal to "stuff into one song." Forgive me, I did not have time to listen but scanned down the line of lyrics... and wondered, "Exactly how long is this song going to be?" If you don't already know, look up the "Five Minute Limit" and it's impact on how songs are written except by those at the top of the "Music Food Chain."

May I suggest you take a peek at the three Lyrics Forums and more importantly, the MP3 Forum if you really want feedback on your work. To my limited knowledge, there isn't a defined rule of thumb about which lyric forum is best. It is a "pick and choose thing"... so just find the one you like best... or participate in all of them. You will eventually find one most suited to your needs. Regretfully, there is only one MP3 Forum.

Learning to navigate this website Brian provides us is not easy for newcomers and there are plenty of folks willing to help if you have concerns.

Best of luck with your music, ----Dave

Humm,
When I read the title of the post I thought it was a repeat of MAB who says we need to get out of our living rooms and whatever.
I tried to listen to the song but the volume is so low on the site It can't be heard even with my volume turned all the way up. As Dave says, there are a lot of words in the song. Perhaps a re-write is in order condensing it a bit. Good luck.

Thank you for the feed back both Dave and Rae. I'm well aware of the 5 minute rule and the song clocks in at a solid 3:40, almost radio time. I know there are a lot of words but if you would listen you would hear how they match the main melody. I know its not top notch quality, The title of the post really explains that. I understand that this might not be your particular style. Thank you again, both of you.