15 members (Bill Draper, Fdemetrio, JAPOV, couchgrouch, ckiphen, Gary E. Andrews, Gavin Sinclair, Guy E. Trepanier, Everett Adams, 4 invisible),
1,027
guests, and
328
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/05/24 01:49 PM
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,124 Likes: 15
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,124 Likes: 15 |
Untraveled Roads Verse I’ve met interesting people Who’ve lived out their dreams. I’ve heard fantastic stories Of places they’ve seen. I have spent my life dreaming I’ve stayed home alone. I’ve never ventured Down untraveled roads. Pre chorus So many things I’ve never tried. Been preoccupied Can’t find enough time. Chorus I’ve seen pictures of places That I’d like to go. They’re adventures imagined Of untraveled roads. Verse I stay too busy working Keep putting off plans I keep dreaming that someday I’ll see foreign lands. I’ve heard fantastic stories Great things that they did. While I live in this jar Held back by a lid. Pre chorus So many things I’ve never tried. Been preoccupied Can’t find enough time. Chorus I’ve seen pictures of places That I’d like to go. They’re adventures imagined Of untraveled roads. Bridge Keep saying some day I’ll make time to go. I’ll make time to go Down untraveled roads. Verse I’ve met interesting people Who’ve lived out their dreams. I’ve heard fantastic stories Of places they’ve seen. I have spent my life dreaming I’ve stayed home alone. I’ve never ventured Down untraveled roads. Pre chorus So many things I’ve never tried. Been preoccupied I can’t find the time. Chorus I’ve seen pictures of places That I’d like to go. They’re adventures imagined Of untraveled roads.
Ckiphen
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909 |
well done a universal theme
I wonder if there is a way of drawing in the audience, some might say " ya but at least you're up there singing"...know what I mean...being the devils advocate
Maybe make it about a mother making sacrifices
Untravelled Roads
Verse She met interesting people Who lived out their dreams. She's heard fantastic stories Of places she's not seen. She spent her life dreaming Stayed right close to home And never ventured Down untravelled roads.
Pre chorus Many things Mama never tried. Was preoccupied Couldn't find enough time.
Chorus Mama saw pictures of places That she’d like to go. Imaging adventures Of untravelled roads.
Last edited by Neil Cotton; 01/19/19 01:42 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
ckiphen,
Some nice lyrics here; they have a solid rhythm that would lend well to song. Neil has an interesting idea of changing this to third person—might provide an opportunity for an emotional bridge (e.g., keeping with Neil’s idea of it being about a mother, or someone close, the singer finds himself remembering her while in a foreign place . . if that makes sense). Something to consider and play with.
I really liked the line “While I live in this jar, held back by a lid”. But the couplet that proceeds it may need some tweaking (e.g., who is the “they” that you refer to?).
Enjoyed the read.
Best regards,
Deej
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 30
Casual Observer
|
Casual Observer
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 30 |
You strike a great note of wistfulness with this with an idea that I think everyone can relate to. Certainly I can, as my motto over the last few years has been "F* some day - some day is here." I would just look at some small points of language to avoid repetition and tighten it up, such as:
I’ve met interesting people Who’ve lived out their dreams. I’ve heard fantastic stories Of places they’ve seen. I have spent my life dreaming (maybe "wishing" to avoid dream twice in the same verse?) BUT stayed home alone. I’ve never ventured Down untraveled roads.
I’ve seen pictures of places That I’d like to go. They’re adventures imagined DOWN untraveled roads.
I stay too busy working Keep putting off plans I keep dreaming that someday (maybe "hoping" since you've said dreaming before?) I’ll see foreign lands. I’ve heard fantastic stories Great things that they did. While I live in this jar Held back by a lid.
I'd also think about flipping the first four lines with the second four in this verse to better mirror the first verse. I'm not sure about repeating the first verse to end the song. Both verses kind of say the same thing, so saying it three times seems a bit much to me. Maybe a verse about how he's resolving not to sit by the sidelines anymore or maybe how he travels via other means (maps, books, etc.) - a glimpse of a possible future? Or maybe just repeat the last 4 lines of the verse?
Great song. I'd love to hear the melody!
Jo Nell
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,124 Likes: 15
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,124 Likes: 15 |
Thanks for the input. No melody. I'm not a musician.
Ckiphen
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,750
Posts1,161,263
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"When will we all, as artists, creators and facilitators learn that the so-called experts in our lives are nothing more than someone who has stepped forward and called themselves an expert?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|