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#1146795 - 12/05/18 01:45 PM Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 95
Walt Lamberg Offline
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Walt Lamberg  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 95
Pueblo, Colorado
I am most recently from Pueblo, Colorado. My main interest is country songwriting. I am not a performing singer or guitar player though I have been working to improve in those two areas. I consider my strength to be writing lyrics. I can also compose the basic music, i.e., suggested melody and chord progressions. I can provide a vocal/guitar MP3 to give a good idea of the melody along with a Word document with the lyrics and chords.

I would like the co-writer to be a performing singer/musician who can produce a professional quality recording of our songs. (The co-writer can also be songwriter. Suggestions for improving the lyrics, melody, and chords are welcome.)

I am not interested in paying for the recording. The co-writer and I would share 50/50 the copyright and any money made from the song. One possible goal: a cd with ten of our songs.

Here is a country song about a family: father, mother, two sons. The older son learns an important lesson. https://soundcloud.com/user-547002904/that-will-do-me-just-about-fine-091201

Here is a link to my Soundcloud page with over 50 songs, arranged in playlists.
https://soundcloud.com/search/sets?q=walt%20lamberg

If interested, please reply or send me a private message. I would appreciate hearing a sample recording by you.


FlyAwayAngel
#1146838 - 12/07/18 01:22 PM Re: Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write [Re: Walt Lamberg]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 95
Walt Lamberg Offline
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Walt Lamberg  Offline
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Pueblo, Colorado
This country song is a lot different from the one I previously posted.

A woman goes to a club to listen to country music and hopefully hook up with a guy she can have a good time with. She finds the guy, but he is not quite sure what he’s got himself into.

"This Country Gal's Gonna Have Her Fun"

https://soundcloud.com/user-547002904/gonna-have-her-fun-101101


FlyAwayAngel
#1146848 - 12/07/18 03:43 PM Re: Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write [Re: Walt Lamberg]  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 7,069
Ray E. Strode Online content
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Ray E. Strode  Online Content
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Walt,
The sound is so low it can hardly be heard. Perhaps you can raise the volume.


Ray E. Strode
#1146857 - 12/07/18 10:02 PM Re: Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write [Re: Ray E. Strode]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 95
Walt Lamberg Offline
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Walt Lamberg  Offline
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Pueblo, Colorado
Ray,

I cannot increase the volume on Soundcloud. Can you increase the volume on your computer? I can increase the volume on my computer speakers.


Thank you for listening.


FlyAwayAngel
#1146895 - 12/08/18 09:27 PM Re: Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write [Re: Walt Lamberg]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 95
Walt Lamberg Offline
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Walt Lamberg  Offline
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Pueblo, Colorado
Unlike the two songs I posted earlier, this is a sad country love song. The woman is unhappy in the relationship. The man refuses to face and deal with the situation until it appears to be too late.

“She Had Leavin’ on Her Mind”

https://soundcloud.com/user-547002904/she-had-leavin-on-her-mind-180522


FlyAwayAngel
#1146897 - 12/09/18 06:20 AM Re: Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write [Re: Walt Lamberg]  
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 158
Cheyenne Offline
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I dont think you are getting any responses , Do you listen to the radio? Have you read any books

on writing songs ? From what we can here on Sound Cloud , a singer with no range, and a

weak talking voice , plus lyrics that are so old fashioned and cliche , I would say first of all try

and learn and instrument like a guitar, and find someone who can sing with a wide range of

vocals


To write successful popular songs in any genre , is a gift that can only come with a positive

knowledge of Popular songs of today and yesterday , going back over the last seventy plus years;

On any journey involving your song writing, you will find there will be many disappointments

along the way


No one of a professional standard in songwriting would entertain your request at this time

That does not mean to say you cant improve , but it will take lots of hard work and devotion

plus an ear for knowing when a lyric or its music is not right, and that can only be attained if

you yourself are able to sing in tune , also you need to study major and minor chords and

how each are used; Prosody in song writing is when the emotion of your songs lyric is

married to musical notation in a way that makes the lyric believable



If you find someone who is humble, and does not over rate his or her ability, and can take

professional advice when its offered , on here or elsewhere , who knows , you should be

looking to improve our own efforts , at this stage, because the type of person you are looking

for would not be bothered from what you have submitted at this time


Hope this helps ? if it does there is hope, if not I have wasted my time; but thats no problem

for me so have a nIce Christmas , and keep at it ;


P s

My experience ?? working in many bands, involving most musical genres known to man

as a guitarist ----bass player --- keyboard--- including lead vocals - plus Running My Own

Publishing Company for some Thirty Plus Years

Definitely not looking for Non Professional Song Writing Collaborators ,


Last edited by Cheyenne; 12/09/18 06:42 AM.

One of the most important principles of songwriting is to remember that a good song is a partnership of many different components, all working together to produce a satisfying musical experience.

In that respect, song components are either enhancing or compromising their combined effects.
#1146917 - 12/09/18 04:49 PM Re: Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write [Re: Walt Lamberg]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,917
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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UK
Hi Walt
It would help if you put the lyrics up here for folks to comment on them. It's not all that clear on the recording.
Good luck anyhow.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1146919 - 12/09/18 10:48 PM Re: Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write [Re: Walt Lamberg]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 95
Walt Lamberg Offline
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Walt Lamberg  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 95
Pueblo, Colorado
Vic,

Thank you for your helpful advice. And thanks for listening.

Here is another sad country song about a father, mother, teenage daughter, and a teenage boy, who should have known better.

https://soundcloud.com/user-547002904/fly-away-angel-100615

Fly Away, Angel
(c) 2010 Walt Lamberg and Alan Lamberg

Intro: A E D A

Verse 1
[A] Her mama was a sweetheart, stood ‘bout [E] five foot one.
Her daddy was one big hard-drinkin’ [A] son of a gun.
[A] Together, they made an angel, a [E] joy in times of sorrow.
But there was that dumb boy, never [A] thinkin’ ‘bout tomorrow.

Verse 2
They were high school kids, saw each other everyday.
And every time they hugged, his hands were sure to stray.
She’d just say, “Now slow down, boy, what’s with the awful rush?”
But he played every hand like it was a royal flush.

Chorus
[D] Well, fly away, angel. [E] They’ll see you soon in [A] Heaven.
[D] Mama misses her baby girl; [E] daddy’s on the [A] wagon.
[D] Preacher says he’ll wash away all of daddy’s [E7] sins.
[D] Fly away, angel, [E] take that boy’s heart [A] with you.
[D] That boy won’t give his heart to [E] anyone a- [A] gain.
[D] He just wishes someone could take away the [E7] pain.
Fly away, [A] angel. [A A]

Verse 3
Graduation night came, things got kinda wild.
His friends kept tempting him with that demon bottle.
One hand on the steering wheel, one arm ‘round her shoulder.
Just one mile from her home, he lost it on the corner.

Chorus Repeat [A A]

Bridge
[G] Cop told him he was doing eighty.
[G] He just sat there quiet on the grass.
[D] Watched them carry away her body.
[B7] He didn’t have a scratch.

Chorus Repeat

Tag
[A] Fly away, angel. Fly away, angel. Fly away, angel.


FlyAwayAngel
#1146923 - 12/10/18 11:43 AM Re: Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write [Re: Walt Lamberg]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,917
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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UK
Hi Walt.

Your rhymes in verses 1 & 2 are AA and BB but verse 3 has no rhyme on the first two lines.
This can work sometimes but it sounds wrong here.
You could try something like:
Graduation night came, things got kinda awkward.
His friends kept tempting him with that demon bottle.

The chorus seems like it has one too many lines (Fly away, angel, [E] take that boy’s heart [A] with you)
You could cut that or maybe sing it a different way.

The bridge seems to end on a sneering note by ending on "He didn’t have a scratch".
You could swap lines two and 4 and sing the "scratch" word without sneering.

These are just my own feelings about it so use or lose.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1146928 - 12/10/18 12:18 PM Re: Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write [Re: Walt Lamberg]  
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,627
DonnaMarilyn Offline
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DonnaMarilyn  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,627
Netherlands
Hi, Walt. smile

Good comments from Vic.

You might get more feedback on your lyric(s) if you post it(them) to the Lyrics Feedback Forum 3.

For example, in this lyric, there’s a lot of information, but ironically little of it contributes to making the story memorable and compelling. In fact, there are at least three separate potential storylines here, none of which are developed (e.g. the girl, the boy, the parents).

The first two lines of V1 – arguably the most important lines in a first verse in setting up who or what a story is about – are about the girl’s parents. I think we need to know more about the girl, what is it that made her so special. That way we can sympathise regarding what happened to her.

The story is overly general, skimming across details, some of which (e.g. the boy’s wandering hands) I think are unnecessary. As it stands, the lyric is a good broad overview of the story you want to tell, but needs to be pared back, and given a tight focus, using only relevant details.

When you write, consider carefully your audience, the message you want to relate, the feeling/emotion you want to evoke, and the details and language/word choice you need to use in order to get the result you want. And remember the six friends: Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why. Try to incorporate at least a couple - or more of these - in a story-telling lyric (in particular country).

You're clearly keen to move ahead with your songs. I hope any feedback you receive here will be helpful to you. smile

In addition, there are very useful books available on the writing of strong lyrics. Anything by Pat Pattison, Sheila Davis, or Andrea Stolpe would be good. Likewise, Ralph Murphy has a good website, as does Pat Pattison.

http://murphyslawsofsongwriting.com/laws-of-songwriting

https://www.patpattison.com

Donna


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend

Guild of International Songwriters and Composers


#1146937 - 12/10/18 09:21 PM Re: Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 95
Walt Lamberg Offline
Serious Contributor
Walt Lamberg  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 95
Pueblo, Colorado
Vic,

Thank you for your specific comments and suggestions. I agree with you about the rhyme. Verses 1 and 2 have perfect rhymes. Verse 3 has no rhymes, only words that have a slightly similar sound. I will work on Verse 3 and try to come up with perfect rhymes that contribute to the meaning of the text.

I don't know about the chorus. I wanted to deal with the effect of the loss of the girl on the three people closest to her.

As for the bridge, I did not intend a sneer there. I was trying to emphasize the huge difference in the effect of the boy's behavior on himself and on the girl. However, I will give that some thought too.

If you would like some feedback on one of your songs, please send me a link. Again, I appreciate your feedback.

Walt


FlyAwayAngel

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