Who's Online Now
23 registered members (Gavin Sinclair, Fdemetrio, 9ne, Everett Adams, couchgrouch, BobDobbins, Dave Rice, Calvin, 5 invisible), and 288 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
lane1777
lane1777
south of the mason,dixon line
Posts: 1,037
Joined: April 2008
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Barry Butler
by DonnaMarilyn. 11/14/18 01:45 PM
Repent. Vic
by Gavin Sinclair. 11/14/18 11:52 AM
NEW SONG BY JODY WHITESIDES & GREGORY WATTON
by Gregory Watton. 11/14/18 06:01 AM
University Research
by Toursmiths. 11/14/18 05:46 AM
University Research
by Toursmiths. 11/14/18 05:40 AM
Here I Am!
by Neil Cotton. 11/13/18 11:38 PM
If I live through high school
by RainyDayMan. 11/13/18 08:45 PM
"I Just Wish That She Was You"
by 9ne. 11/13/18 07:46 PM
Cheap Rooms
by Dave Rice. 11/13/18 07:31 PM
My Love Is Free
by John Paragreen. 11/13/18 06:47 PM
Call His Name
by Mimmo. 11/13/18 03:58 PM
Love is a Spell
by Laura_Kelsey. 11/13/18 03:36 PM
Vague in Vegas
by Fdemetrio. 11/13/18 12:54 PM
The Business of Cruelty
by TC Perkins. 11/13/18 08:52 AM
Here I Am
by Neil Cotton. 11/12/18 08:25 PM
I'm Not Excited
by Dave Rice. 11/12/18 11:54 AM
Cowboy Joe
by 9ne. 11/11/18 03:40 PM
Show Me
by Travis david. 11/11/18 12:06 PM
Put Your Faith in Jesus
by Travis david. 11/11/18 11:56 AM
What's your favorite place for used gear?
by Sue Rarick. 11/10/18 07:39 PM
Roosters Are Boss (REVISED)
by Neil Cotton. 11/10/18 05:40 PM
Ashes to Ashes
by Sue Rarick. 11/10/18 01:24 PM
Footprint On The Moon
by Deej56. 11/10/18 12:06 PM
I Believe in Love
by Ricki E. Bellos. 11/10/18 10:23 AM
Cross Your Heart
by Marvin Adcock. 11/10/18 08:25 AM
Life as a touring musician - vlog
by Gavin Sinclair. 11/09/18 11:18 AM
SWEET DREAMS TONIGHT.. (Mimmo &Travis)
by Mimmo. 11/08/18 08:52 AM
That Lake
by Neil Cotton. 11/06/18 10:05 AM
I Hope I Die At Night
by Neil Cotton. 11/06/18 10:04 AM
Time--just me and guitar/drm loop--steady
by Dave Rice. 11/06/18 09:01 AM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,641
Travis david 11,117
Kevin Emmrich 10,542
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,571
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,843
glynda 8,579
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,899
couchgrouch 7,406
Corey 7,357
Dave Rice 6,891
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,436
Joe Wrabek 6,403
ben willis 6,095
Vicarn 5,863
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,452
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,626
Blake Hill 4,528
Neil Cotton 4,417
Bob Cushing 4,352
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Cindy Miller 4,178
Tom Shea 4,173
TamsNumber4 4,032
Roy Cooper 4,010
nightengale 3,965
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,784
Dan Sullivan 3,710
MFB III 3,687
beechnut79 3,450
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
E Swartz 3,190
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,887
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,810
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,570
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,241
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
Wendy D 2,191
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,980
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
maccharles 1,879
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,629
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,582
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,461
Tom Franz 1,453
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,406
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
GocartMoz 1,396
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Ian Ferrin 1,230
PeteG 1,228
Glen King 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Martin Lide 1,155
Gerry 1,098
summeoyo 1,085
joro 1,081
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
lane1777 1,037
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 940
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
Deej56 801
Juan 797
9ne 787
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
90 dB 745
Andy K 739
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Fdemetrio 681
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
Irwin 603
NaomiSue 601
Pat Hardy 599
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Moosesong 553
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
R&M 475
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
Alek 356
papaG 353
Z - man 350
John K 348
JamesDF5 347
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
ktunes 285
markus-ky 284
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1145943 - 11/05/18 08:30 PM Show Me  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 801
Deej56 Offline
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 801
Hi, all:

Here's a second collaboration with Travis David. As always, feedback is welcome and appreciated. Hope you enjoy the listen!

Show Me

(V) You should have seen it from the sadness on my face:
the yesterdays and tomorrows you erased,
as if the years didnít mean that much to you,
and if itís so I guess thereís nothing I can do

(C) But Iím still needing you to
show me just a little emotion.
Tell me what you said just isnít true.
Hold me like you just canít live without me.
What in the world is wrong with you?

(V) Now all thatís left is this bag of memories;
the shades of what I thought our love was meant to be;
and all the doubts that keep me thinking weíre not through.
So here am I reaching out my arms to you
(Iím reaching out to you)

(C) Iím just wanting you to
show me just a little emotion.
Tell me what you said just isnít true.
Hold me like you just canít live without me.
What in the world is wrong with you?
What in the world can I do?

(B) Weíve been here once before,
and I donít wanna be here anymore;
Thereís no good reason to go back again
I know I shouldnít try and let it dieó
but it wouldnít change a thing.

(C) íCause Iím still needing you to
show me just a little emotion.
Tell me what you said just isnít true.
Hold me like you just canít live without me.
What in the world is wrong with you?
What in the world can I do
to save myself from you.
(Show me you)
(Show me you)
(Show me you)

Words and music by John Vaughn and DJ Lekich
(c)2018 John Vaughn and DJ Lekich

#1145946 - 11/06/18 12:04 AM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
A lyric i wrote some time ago. I was pleasantly surprised by Dave's take on it musically and vocally.
it got a radio broadcast a few weeks ago
Cheers
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1145947 - 11/06/18 04:04 AM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,641
Calvin Online content
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,641
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi guys,

I like it.
You got a real nice song here.
Cool performance.
I really enjoyed this part.......

Hold me like you just canít live without me.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1145949 - 11/06/18 05:51 AM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 172
RainyDayMan Offline
Serious Contributor
RainyDayMan  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 172
Stratford, Australia
I did enjoy it smile

The first verse felt a little crowded syllable-wise. I can see it's meant to come out a bit rapid fire to match the music, but have you tried trimming it back along the lines of:
You should have seen it from the sadness on my face:
yesterdays and tomorrows you erased,
the years didnít mean that much to you,
so I guess thereís nothing I can do

Strangely I didn't have that reaction to v2, which has even more syllables! So make what you can of that feedback!!
And of course the chorus is very different.

Regardless, it's a strong song, and like I said I did enjoy it smile

#1145950 - 11/06/18 06:19 AM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Calvin
Thanks again for your support and liking our song
Regards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1145953 - 11/06/18 08:46 AM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,891
Dave Rice Online content
Top 30 Poster
Dave Rice  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,891
Texas
Thanks for sharing. It is a sad story and most of us have experienced the emotions of an impending "break-up." It is a good collaboration and I hope you two will re-visit it at some point in the future. My thinking involves slowing the tempo and I know that adds to the length of the song, which probably requires shortening or tossing a few of the lines here and there.

At it's present tempo, the emotion is less impactful... to my way of thinking.

Despite this... it is a good song... but I think it could be great. Forgive me if I hold the two of you to a higher standard. My thinking is that if I only say good things to "old pros" like you guys, you might not explore the possibilities and opportunities this thing has.

All the best to both of you. Enjoyed my listen. ----Dave

#1145962 - 11/06/18 12:05 PM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
RDM
It is wordy but i think it worked well . Rapid fire lyric i like i'm pleased you liked it overall though which is what we like to hear.
Thanks for the comments and listen always appreciated
Travis

Last edited by Travis david; 11/06/18 12:05 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1145964 - 11/06/18 12:38 PM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,863
Vicarn Online content
Top 40 Poster
Vicarn  Online Content
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,863
UK
When I saw the title, I thought you had done a version of my song "Show Me". Lollylol!

I feel it has a reasonable lyric and melody in verse and chorus but I have to agree that the tempo and wordiness is killing the emotion of the vocal and impact of the song in general.
Taking it down, even 10% may improve. Not feeling the bridge so maybe that could be trimmed or cut.

Worth re visiting.
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1145967 - 11/06/18 02:03 PM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Dave
Interesting point and yes i'd like to hear an alternative take if Dave is up for it. Although i do like what he did on this
Thanks as always my friend
Regards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1145977 - 11/07/18 11:36 AM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,417
Neil Cotton Online content
Top 100 Poster
Neil Cotton  Online Content
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,417
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
a good song...unique

maybe thin out the herd lyrically and slow it down....or not! LOL

#1145983 - 11/08/18 12:28 AM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Worth considering Vic..
I'm sure it can be done and a second suggestion for this so it's worth a further look lyrically as well
Cheers
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1145984 - 11/08/18 12:38 AM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks for your listen and comments Neil much appreciated and a similar to Vic's- or not lol


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1145986 - 11/08/18 08:40 AM Re: Show Me [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,417
Neil Cotton Online content
Top 100 Poster
Neil Cotton  Online Content
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,417
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Originally Posted by Travis david
Thanks for your listen and comments Neil much appreciated and a similar to Vic's- or not lol

LOL...I try not to read other comments before posting...now I see the commonality

#1145991 - 11/08/18 01:24 PM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Geat minds think alike?


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1146022 - 11/10/18 09:50 AM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,801
Ricki E. Bellos Offline
Top 30 Poster
Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,801
Wisconsin
This has a really cool sound, Deej and Travis. I'm not sure what you were going for musically but it felt very retro to me, like 60s/70s retro, not a bad thing at all. And the tempo felt good to me.

Lyrically, I'm getting mixed messages. He sounds resigned at the relationship being over in V1 but still wants her to say it isn't over in the chorus. Then he thinks maybe it's not over in V2. And the bridge is all over the place: they've split up before, he doesn't want to split up again, but then he doesn't want to try to get back together and that leads back into the chorus where he wants her to tell him it isn't over. Then it ends with him wanting to be saved from her. Is it or isn't it? Do they or don't they? Will they or won't they? Pick a side, Dude, I'm getting whiplash! grin Just sayin...

Ricki

#1146034 - 11/10/18 12:04 PM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 801
Deej56 Offline
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 801
Hi, all:

Some great feedback above and I thank you all for taking the time to give it. Thereís a lot Travis and I will need to continue to think through on this one. Just a few of my thoughts on some of the comments above:

Tempo: The structure and length of the lyrics really drove the tempo for me. It needed to move, or at least when I first started coming up with the melody, thatís what struck me. And to boot, I was looking to do something a bit different. Could we slow it down? Yes, but not, as others have noted, without cuttingóand while it may end up being a better song, it will be an entirely different one than intended. At best, as Vic suggests, we could cut the bpm by 10 or so. Iím not sure how much a difference that would make, but may try it. Personally, and I canít speak for Travis, Iím pretty comfortable with the tempoóthough I understand the comments.

Lyric: And this largely goes to Rickiís comments, which weíve gotten from others when we floated this song elsewhere. Yes, there are mixed messages here; heís conflicted. Itís one of the things that drew me to Travisís original lyric. Iíve known people like thisóa relationship ends, they know itís for the best, and they still want it even though itís the worse thing for them. Some have gotten that, but most not (and that's on me, not Travis). So, I think Iíll suggest reworking it. Itís an easy fix to make this just a ďI want you backĒ song. Although itís somewhat less interesting, to me at least.

Again, thanks to all above for the thoughtful comments. Itís really appreciated.

My best to all of you,

Deej

#1146042 - 11/10/18 02:07 PM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Ricki
That's love for you all over the place uncertain out of controlplaying with your emotions and that is basically what i had in mind when writing it.
Havingsaid this it'sgreatto get other views and takes
Thanks for the listen and comments
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1146049 - 11/10/18 05:42 PM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 489
TC Perkins Offline
Top 500 Poster
TC Perkins  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2015
Posts: 489
Virginia
Solid write with a great arrangement.

The chorus is outstanding. Additional harmonies in the chorus would make it even better especially on "Show me", "Tell me", "Hold me."

The vocal style is a nice fit for the tune as well.

Nice job, guys!

Peace,
TC


If it has strings I will find a way to play it!

You can hear my tunes at https://soundcloud.com/tc-gypsy
#1146059 - 11/11/18 12:06 PM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks TC your thumbs up is appreciated
travis

Last edited by Travis david; 11/11/18 12:07 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1146060 - 11/11/18 12:06 PM Re: Show Me [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks TC your thumbs up is appreciatedtravis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
Toursmiths, Epaige, Prototyped, TW444, Shaz
21118 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics118,424
Posts1,116,489
Members21,118
Average Posts Daily24
Most Online1,506
Mar 16th, 2017
Just Plain Quotes
"Money is worst reason to be motivated NOT to do anything. Instead of letting those concerns STOP you, use it to motivate yourself to find an alternate solution that bypasses money. You will soon find that your own resourcefulness is worth far more than a pile of paper money." ‚ÄďBrian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0