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#1140479 - 05/03/18 01:20 PM Cheap Rooms  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 82
rubysshoes Offline
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rubysshoes  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 82
columbus ohio
Hello, everybody, good to be back after several years break. Thus is my newest lyric.

V1
I've slept in cheap rooms
With no sheets and no bibles
I've dabbled with demons
That passed for disciples
I've wallowed in self doubt
And Mexican beer
I followed some white lines
Till I broke down here

V2
I don't have a road map
Or itinerary
There's only so much
An old man can carry
The engine stops running
The wheels stops turning
Then you start mourning
The daylight you're burning

Chorus:
This road has a shoulder
It's letting me cry on
Since there's not a soul here
That I can rely on
If wishes were horses
This fool would be ridin
Till I found another cheap room I can hide in

V3
The trash on the sidewalk
Is telling a story
Of pissed away dreams
And unrealized glory
It blows down the alley
And rests in the corner
And it keeps me wonderin
What I was born for

Vs 4
If all I keep finding
Are walls to impede me
And blows from the hand
That had promised to feed me
I might as well walk back
The way that I came
And see if somebody
remembers my name

Chorus:
This road has a shoulder
It's letting me cry on
Since there's not a soul here
That I can rely on
If wishes were horses
This fool would be ridin
Till I found another cheap room I can hide in

Vs 5
My suitcase is empty
My soul's wearing thinner
There's regrets for breakfast
And road dust for dinner
I'm too broke for whiskey
And too dry for cryin
Maybe I'll find
A cheap room I can die in

#1140480 - 05/03/18 01:24 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,406
couchgrouch Online content
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couchgrouch  Online Content
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Posts: 7,406
cochise, az, usa
Hi ruby, welcome back. This is absolutely outstanding. You should be proud. Meter, imagery, rhymes, development, everything. Well done. smile

Last edited by couchgrouch; 05/03/18 01:25 PM.
#1140481 - 05/03/18 01:30 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,117
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Ruby
Good lyric well written for a suggestion I'd drop the two THE's in verse 2 and on the last line perhaps the other THE and try about or even 'bout
Cheers
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1140482 - 05/03/18 01:52 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: couchgrouch]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 82
rubysshoes Offline
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rubysshoes  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 82
columbus ohio
Hi Robert! Good to see you again! Thank you so much for your kind words!

#1140483 - 05/03/18 01:53 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 82
rubysshoes Offline
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rubysshoes  Offline
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Posts: 82
columbus ohio
Thanks Travis, I will consider that!

#1140951 - 05/21/18 11:32 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 23
fallendiva Offline
Casual Observer
fallendiva  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 23
Riverside, CA, USA
Wowsa! Great figurative language! It's a bleak story, but well done. The last lunch punches a pretty big wallop, so I wonder if just repeating the line "a cheap room I can hide in" instead would be more subtle and less overwhelming. Keep it up and keep posting - I'll be looking!!

#1141056 - 05/25/18 10:06 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,450
beechnut79 Offline
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beechnut79  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,450
Villa Park IL
At one time there were a boatload of cheap rooms in many of our large cities but a vast number have been wiped out by both urban gentrification and public stigma. With the vast homeless problem I would think this would be the right time to revive the idea but developers seem to have a huge fetish for large single family homes. This could be a good anthem for those involved in fair and affordable housing activism.

#1145084 - 10/02/18 12:15 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 1,441
Chuck Crowe Offline
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Chuck Crowe  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 1,441
Livingston, TX
Nice! smile

-Chuck

#1145085 - 10/02/18 05:48 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,863
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,863
UK
I love this lyric.
The chorus reads like the verse but that's no problem with a melody change.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1145106 - 10/02/18 02:44 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,450
beechnut79 Offline
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beechnut79  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,450
Villa Park IL
The title grabbed me without even reading the whole thing. I myself have lived in cheap rooms most of my life mostly by my own choice so I can afford to do some other things in life. My current landlady just passed away a week ago today. Don't know yet what is going to happen but hope I don't have to make a move until after the winter has passed. I would very much like to see alternative housing such as rooming houses come back around, as it would alleviate much of the homeless program. This is an issue nobody seems to really want to address for one reason or another. Maybe your song can be put to use for this purpose.

#1145350 - 10/12/18 11:51 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 801
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 801
Rubysshoes,

Not sure how I missed this the first time around, but this is a killer lyric. Really, really well done. When do we get to hear it? I'll look forward to the day.

All the best,

Deej

#1145359 - 10/13/18 07:57 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 82
rubysshoes Offline
Serious Contributor
rubysshoes  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 82
columbus ohio
Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions! I've done a little rewriting on the last verse which I'll post later.. there was a conflict between the no crying in that verse and the crying in the chorus. I've been very ill with severe diverticulitis and had two surgeries since I posted this, but I'm recovering now and hope to be more active here again. Thanks again and talk to you soon!

#1145972 - 11/07/18 03:01 AM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,505
Moker Jarrett Offline
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Moker Jarrett  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,505
jacksonville, fl
Hi Ruby,
Hope you are on the mend, and posting great lyrics like this again!
It's full of great lines.

#1146118 - Yesterday at 07:31 PM Re: Cheap Rooms [Re: rubysshoes]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,891
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,891
Texas
Hi Ruby:

Welcome home. Interesting title and a pretty lengthy lyric... but you "weave" a captivating tale and I look forward to hearing the final version in the form of a song. I used to see Roger Miller at the old Nashville Airport and I mention it because this reminds me a bit of "Trailers for sale or rent... rooms to let, fifty cents..." which he performed so well.

Best wishes for success, ----Dave


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