10 members (Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, couchgrouch, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill),
4,088
guests, and
270
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13803925.Mimmo 's latest take having reworked the vocal/ music and lyric SWEET DREAMS TONIGHT. A crowded pathway leading up to where my secrets are kept dreaming about her and wanting her, every night that I've slept Trying hard to get over that I'll never see her again night by night pain turns to nightmares, it's always the same...It's always the same Please send me sweet dreams tonight, only sweet dreams tonight pick me up, carry me away to wherever she might be Wondered many times does she miss me like I keep on missing her? Parting as friends only makes things harder knowing she might still care Even if we did fall out of love I know that we could try again after all that time together, I can't believe it's the end. I can't believe it's the end. Took a chance and called her Told her, can't get you off my mind She said “I dream about you every night” I said, “Aw I think about you all the time”! Please send me sweet dreams tonight, only those sweet dreams tonight pick me up, carry me away to wherever she might be When my head touches the pillow carry me to sweet dreams carry me
Last edited by Travis david; 11/07/18 03:08 PM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
Hey John,
I remember this song. I really like the chorus melody, lifts nicely and is a catchy hook. The strongest aspect of this song are lyrics & chorus melody--great hook!
IMO, the verse melody a bit "flat-lining" for an uptempo song, perhaps tweaking of melody chords? Just a sug, and JMO. Intro perhaps could launch/relate a bit better. With a bridge, not sure if the fairly long early music interlude is needed, maybe shortened--This song's chorus hooks you, so you don't want the music train starting and stopping too much with breaks with a chorus driven song. Of course, JMO. (I still have the chorus hook on my mind and its been 10 min since I heard it--a good sign)!
steady-eddie
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Mimmo and Travis,
Good work on this one—I always enjoy hearing different takes of the same song, and this one provides nice contrast verse the more “folk-style” version produced by Zaneski. And each has distinct attributes that make it each worth listening. Nicely done!. i like Eddie’s comments and suggestions above, so worth given them some thought to see it any click.
All the best,
Deej
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165 |
SWEET DREAMS TONIGHT. A crowded pathway leading up to where my secrets are kept dreaming about her and wanting her, every night that I've slept Trying hard to get over that I'll never see her again night by night pain turns to nightmares, it's always the same...It's always the same Please send me sweet dreams tonight, only sweet dreams tonight pick me up, carry me away to wherever she might be
Wondered many times does she miss me like I keep on missing her? Parting as friends only makes things harder knowing she might still care Even if we did fall out of love I know that we could try again after all that time together, I can't believe it's the end. I can't believe it's the end. Took a chance and called her Told her, can't get you off my mind She said “I dream about you every night” I said, “Aw I think about you all the time”!
Please send me sweet dreams tonight, only those sweet dreams tonight pick me up, carry me away to wherever she might be
When my head touches the pillow carry me to sweet dreams carry me
Last edited by Mimmo; 10/27/18 10:21 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Cheers Ed Thanks for your suggestions to improve. Always welcomed Regards John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Dave Seems theres two strong reasons to take a further look at this version. I'm sure Mimmo will be back to address your feedback. Thanks for your ears and comments Cheers John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831 |
I enjoyed this version of your collaborative effort, Take comfort in knowing there are only a handful of "perfect" songs. As song-writers, we are driven to "grind away" at our creations and it's great to know how diligent you guys have been with this one. I believe Mike's arrangement works but our friend Eddie has a great ear for music and has shared some interesting paths to explore. I look forward to the possibility of another version. Thanks for sharing and, as always, best of luck with your song.
----Dave
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165 |
Thank you guys for listening and for your thoughts on this song...I really appreciated.
Last edited by Mimmo; 10/28/18 02:47 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Thanks Dave. Another take is within the realms of possibilities but not certain. Thanks again for your support. John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Cheers Calvin. Yes i like the guitar as well reminded me very much of a very popular intrumental group here called The Shadows, lead guitar Hank Marvin Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Mimmo has reworked the chorus with dropping the harp and one or two other changes
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2 |
I liked a lot of it. I think the lines are too long to sing in a flowing manner. If you edited this: A crowded pathway leading up to where my secrets are kept dreaming about her and wanting her, every night that I've slept To this: (just an example) Can't find the pathway where my secrets are kept Dreaming about her, every night that I've slept
I think the "Please send me" lines are long also. Lovely guitar!
Best -Mike
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
John/Mimmo,
This is much better--especially the chorus! I think the solo before the bridge defeats the purpose of the bridge with this particular solo--I would reverse that order, or lose the solo-JMO. In fact, a solo (designed more as a shorter PC interlude) launching solo for the last Ch might work better--one that doesn't drag as much.
I agree with Mike partially that some lines "might" be trimmed for better prosody, but they're not bad.
Sounding good Mimmo!
steady-eddie
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165 |
Hi Guys...Thanks again for listening and giving me some ideas... Mike: Most of the lines in the verses are about the same length... I think in the first verse the problem is that I’m rushing a bit in the start of the second line...I’ve been thinking about that a while...I will probably record the lyrics over. Ed; I removed the interlude before the bridge...I think I can get used to that. I will need to do a few minor adjustments to the volumes. https://soundcloud.com/domenic-mercurio/revicedmixnov2Regards Mimmo
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
While this was playing I kept thinking how Roy Orbison would do it. I would definitely shorten some of the lines to make it smoother and maybe tone down the drums a little.
Vic
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
Mimo/Travis,
Latest version sounding much better and all connected. Nice work here!
steady-eddie
Last edited by E Swartz; 11/03/18 04:21 AM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Mike I didnt necessarily agree regarding the lines but it has been picked up by Vic and Ed too. I changed the lyric recently for a version i did with MZ which is still on this page i think. I used Mimmo's great melody but here we have the original lyric/melody which Mimmo wanted to keep and with his great vocal it sounded good. M's a perfection so I'm sure he will keep adding to this and a lyric rewrite is no great issue. Thanks Ed for all your help and suggestions. I will be talking to Mimmo soon! Regards John PS Vic and Ed i like the Roy Orbison link
Last edited by Travis david; 11/02/18 06:11 PM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Travis and Mimmo,
Sounding much better--you've made some nice changes here. The Roy Orbison call is spot on--could definitely hear him doing this. Keep at it!
All the best,
Deej
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Thanks for the listeñ Dave and your thumbs up John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Another new mix from Mimmo just done today Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909 |
Mulling over verb tenses....
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 165 |
Thanks for updating the thread John..And all of you guys for stopping by.
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|