JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Time--guitar/drm loop-mx-5--no strings

Long time no post!

I thought I'd post this song even though I'm not really finished with the production, but sometimes simple is cool. I have ideas for further production with a string quartet backing and flute or recorder solos/interludes etc. For now just used falsetto for flute tracks. I May also use a more subtle yet, a real drummer, probably no bass guitar letting cello handle bottom if used--not sure however. Ideas welcome!

What inspired this song was the realization of how as a senior citizen, one can just get the feeling of being lost in a crowd feeling a bit "faceless" at times. I'm in truth really fine with aging, but it was fun exchanging smiles in those days when life was a little more adventurous, suffice to say.............Comments/suggs/ always welcome--hope you enjoy this short tune!

steady-eddie

Time






"Time" -- music/lyrics by: eswartz


Vs 1)

Time….elusive and so cruel….it’s true….so true
Life….are you satisfied and did you dance today….well okay

Chorus 1)

You’re more than halfway home
And you’re feel’n alone (2nd Ch ----And in your mind you roam)
But no one seems to notice, you anymore

Vs 2)

Style….you always wore that special air, on your sleeve….I do believe
Play…. you silly man, your jokes have all grown old….so I’m told

(Repeat chorus 2)

Bridge)

Yesterday when I looked at you
You tried to hide your smile
But now my eyes find no reply
But there’s a young man lost inside - (flute/recorder solo)

Vs 3)

Greed….I’m sorry that it is my time to bleed….indeed
Peace….will tomorrow enlighten, will it comfort me….we’ll see

Tag)

Time……..elusive and so cruel……. its true

Hi Eddie,


Always nice to hear from you, GOOD JOB.
I really liked THIS part......

Greed….I’m sorry that it is my time to bleed….indeed

and THIS......
Time……..elusive and so cruel……. its true

I think you should add ONE MORE line after the last line....

Time……..elusive and so cruel……. its TIME !!


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Eddie:

You've been missed! Thanks for writing a song about me... LOL! Seriously, in my opinion... this is one of your best. I can't think of anything I would change... except maybe somebody famous recording it, selling about a zillion copies of it in whatever medium is "IN" these days... and making you a wealthy man.

Your vocal was perfect... the words and story line were convincing... and the melody was top notch. It may have been a simple guitar accompaniment... but that is all this WINNER of a song needs. Can you tell I liked it?

Thanks, friend. Wish you had time to hang around JPF more... but life has a way of getting in the way. Be well, be safe and be happy. ----Dave

Hey Calvin,

Thanks for the spin and kind comments--I like your idea, may do that!

steady-eddie

Thoughtful song. In my case, relatable.

The vocal lead in the intro and later in the song would also be lovely as a flute.

It seems that feeble minds think alike. I am currently working up a song entitled "Time." When finished maybe we can go on late-night-tv with an infomercial that hawks a collection of songs entitled "Time." The spot could lead off with The Chambers Brothers.

Enjoyed it. Pleasant write.

Martin

Hey Eddie,

A very mellow listenable tune. Nice job.

cheers, niteshift

Time... elusive and cruel
Time... leaving me behind.

Hi Ed
Great song and theme.An overall retro feel to it .
I could imagine Lennon doing this it's that good.
A cello as an intro could work well here.
Best of luck with your next steps.
Regards
John

Dave,

Mighty kind words, thank-you. Glad you discovered this song was about you! I'll try and get around more this winter as I will have more leisure time. (Dave, after I posted this, thought it would be more appropriate to change my avatar to how I look now vs 50 years ago)!


steady-eddie

Hey Martin,

Thanks for stopping by. I'll probably come back to this song this winter, I was curious to see comments before going forward in production. I'm in for the "late night appearance!"

steady-eddie

Nite,

Thank-you for the kind words!

steady-eddie

John,

That's a good idea, do like how that sounds--may consider that when going back into production, although all verses are rhyming on the end lines. Thanks for the spin!

steady-eddie

Really enjoyed that Eddie-well done!
I love the length; get in get out. It works.
The only thing I'm not sure about is the drum drop out in the bridge. I imagine you may have been going for effect there, but it sounded stark to me.
Again, nicely done!
Best
-Mike

Mike,

Thanks! Yeah, for effect, but did experimented with this crude mix at the bridge and felt it sounded better more sparse. Eventually, there will be a subtle quartet string bed coming in 2nd vs--I may utilize some subtle strings at bridge when I go back to production--but your thoughts are I believe are correct on that area. I did purposely keep this one shorter and to end more abruptly without fading chorus etc. also for effect.

steady-eddie

Eddie,

Well, for something that isn’t quite really finished, it’s pretty darn good—you may have some additional plans for this one production wise, but It can stand on its own as is. I can anticipate what you’re looking for from the flute, but actually I really like the falsetto. Think about keeping it or both. The starts and stops throughout are well done; and melodically, love where the song goes from verse to chorus. A very easy and engaging listen. Great work!

Best regards,

Deej

Hey Eddie.
Pretty good stuff. Lyrics are excellent.
Maybe the drums are too busy for this song. I like the lonely guitar.

Vic

Eddie, you hit the nail on the head with this one.
I like it and I can relate.

Liked this a lot. Lyrically, the structure is intriguing. That use of a single word at the beginning is a very economical way to get a lot said in one line.

I agree with Deej about the falsetto.It seems to fit here somehow. The whole song has a deceptively casual, easy feel to it. Takes a lot of work to get that

Thanks Vic,

I agree about the drum track--I could probably find a better loop, but with this type of song, best just to have a real drummer that can feel the song movements etc. You can spend a lot of time building a drum track from plug-ins. I should probably upgrade my plug-ins as well. I actually deleted some of the drum rolls with this track to keep it more neutral, and added a few light cymbal hits and played a tambourine just to have some custom percussion besides the loop. Thanks again!

steady-eddie

Bob,

Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked the song and felt its meaning.

Gavin,

Thanks for your observation about the the single word topic sentences--that was my same thinking. I'm okay with the falsetto, but a flute/recorder or flute I think would musically embellish and create nostalgia better, but this as is would work I suppose. I also have another tune written a few years back with flute solos, and kind of would like another flute song to compliment that arrangement on a CD. Using a cello for some answers may also be cool.

steady-eddie

Hey Eddie,

Good stuff, as always. Words that unfortunately many can relate to, including yours truly. Loved the lyric and a very pleasing melody to the ear. Vocal was exceptional. The only small nit I had, was the word "indeed." Obviously, in there to rhyme with "bleed." That being said, for me, it seemed like a forced rhyme, which didn't add much to the lyric. Other than that, small nit, exceptional.

Dave

Hey Dave.

Thanks for the thumbs up! Gosh, for me Dave "indeed" was my favorite of four verse rhymes as I thought it more clever than the other three. Its like one "admitting/accepting that, "yep, your losing blood (leaking oil) to time each year!" Thanks, always appreciate your thoughts.

steady-eddie

Well, I used to play the recorder. Not sure where it is now. Somewhere in the basement probably

Well done, Eddie. As others have said, I too can relate, now that I've gone grey and become invisible. I like the sparse arrangement, and the falsetto, but you could always add a flute with a slightly different melody, in counterpoint, to weave around the vocal. Just a thought. Lyrically, this says a lot, using few words, not an easy task. Nice.

Ricki

steady-eddie,
Lots of great comments above so no need for me to concur so let me offer my perspective since this is very appropriate for me personally in my current time of life. Did or could you change up the second verse to relate the senior citizen to his family/kids and how they might be overlooking him at this time of his life? Your bridge made me consider this idea.
I enjoyed tuning in.
Skip

Gavin, start practicing!

I remember playing a plastic "flute-a-phone" in grade school many moons ago which was based on a recorder. They have some really sophisticated expensive types of recorder type instruments for sure with many different tones--I love the sound, very hollow, yet melodic tone. But a flute is more consistent in sound and a little less hollow.

steady-eddie

Riki,

Thanks a million, glad you like it, sorry you can relate.........I may come back to the production later--I may delete the lower harmony at end of bridge completely, and the transition will be improved going into the following solo area.

steady-eddie

Skip,

Thanks for the spin and comments along with ideas. Yeah, that would work for a verse direction, but in my mind, my song theme is more narrow and specific about our "vanity" concerning age related dismay. I think that would make a great theme however. Thanks for chiming in!

steady-eddie

Eddie:

As I poured over the "offerings on the MP3 Alter" this morning... I had to come back for another listen... and I'm so glad I did. Sometimes, a second listen reveals flaws, nits or notes "off-key"... etc. Not so, for TIME! I liked it as well this listen as I did the first time I heard it.

I can easily imagine hearing this on the radio with a group like maybe, the Eagles, belting it out with a slow, melodic, harmonious build. It is that good and I hope someone with "ears" and influence listens... and jumps on this thing like a Duck on a June Bug!

B-T-W... I lack your courage in sharing my "real avatar." Little children run for Mommy when they see "Captain Geezer!" But we do what we must do and "soldier on" with the beings TIME has forced us to become.

Thanks again for sharing this reflective and wonderful song. ----Dave

Eddie,

Great song. Gonna be really sweet with some production. Depending on how "big" you go what I hear is Harmonies and extending those fist words in the verses. Maybe you sing them in the main vocal quick like you do here and your back up girls continue those words out almost, or maybe even until you start to sing the next line. (your extended harmonies can sub for the girls I guess....)

There is quite a bit of space in this so I'm sure there are other places you could do something similar but to me the main one is the one I mentioned.

Really good song!

Ricky

Hi Eddie....my kind of chord structuring.......love the mood. Sounds like loads of fun.
I'm liking this!!

Hey Ricky,

If I go further with production, will probably be some strings and flute solos. I think your sug with BG vox or more harmonies would certainly work well, but I want to have the singer who's singing about himself sounding/exuding more loneliness and wow.......where did the time go? - Thus less for me is better. I will replace my falsettos with a flute or recorder, and add a quartet string bed in a few places to build the production a bit more. thanks for stopping in!

steady-eddie


Tom,

Long time-no-see! Hey glad you liked this, and thanks for the spin!

steady-eddie

Hi Ed,

Such a pretty song! Time sort of slows down when you listen, so the music perfectly blends with the subject!

Lisa

Hi Lisa,

It's so good to hear from you! - Miss seeing you around here, although I also sometimes get away from here for periods of time but usually find my way back. Thanks for the listen and kind words. I've actually already re-recorded parts of this rough version and am working with someone at present getting a string quartet track. I'll probably get it re-posted after the new year. Happy Holidays!

steady-eddy