Who's Online Now
21 registered members (Dave Rice, Calvin, couchgrouch, 9ne, E Swartz, Deej56, Cheyenne, Everett Adams, 4 invisible), and 252 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Louis
Louis
Home of the Crimson Tide
Posts: 5,725
Joined: September 2004
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Under Covers
by Ricki E. Bellos. 12/09/18 02:01 PM
Vimeo & Royalties...
by John Lawrence Schick. 12/09/18 01:04 PM
Barry Butler. (message posted. Please read thread)
by Lisa Gundling. 12/09/18 11:53 AM
APPEARANCES DECEIVE - A Lisa Gundling Song-Story
by Lisa Gundling. 12/09/18 11:49 AM
Donny Was Eaten
by Lisa Gundling. 12/09/18 11:39 AM
Time--just me and guitar/drm loop--steady
by Lisa Gundling. 12/09/18 11:27 AM
The Apache
by couchgrouch. 12/09/18 10:05 AM
The Business of Cruelty
by Ricki E. Bellos. 12/09/18 09:22 AM
Country Lyric/Music Writer Looking to Co-Write
by Cheyenne. 12/09/18 06:20 AM
The Same Remains The Same
by 9ne. 12/08/18 08:01 PM
Country Cliché If Wishes Were Horses
by 9ne. 12/08/18 07:55 PM
Starting Today. ( Deej & Travis ) NEW VERSION
by Travis david. 12/08/18 12:39 PM
Army Navy today
by Fdemetrio. 12/08/18 11:37 AM
Tribes of the World Unite
by Ricki E. Bellos. 12/08/18 10:00 AM
Muffler Thumpin' Noise! {better mix}
by Neil Cotton. 12/07/18 03:19 PM
Casualty of Time
by Travis david. 12/07/18 02:29 PM
What I Hear Is Noise ! (revised, new up top)
by Travis david. 12/07/18 09:51 AM
When the leaves stop falling
by Travis david. 12/07/18 09:46 AM
Need to promote my show!
by joe222. 12/07/18 01:40 AM
Sometimes i despair at songwriting threads on FB
by Perry Neal Crawford. 12/06/18 11:56 AM
Old Cocktail Books - Library and photos
by John Lawrence Schick. 12/06/18 11:55 AM
RIVER OF DESIRE - Dave Rice
by Dave Rice. 12/06/18 10:09 AM
Turn Around
by Gerry. 12/06/18 04:59 AM
A Fitting Funeral
by Dave Rice. 12/05/18 08:24 PM
And The Show Must Go On
by Fdemetrio. 12/05/18 04:32 PM
Question???
by Michael LeBlanc. 12/05/18 02:56 PM
BABY WANTS A "BEAMER"
by Dave Rice. 12/05/18 02:47 PM
For Then You Are With Me
by Mimmo. 12/05/18 11:51 AM
She's a Gypsy I'm a Rover. Mike Zaneski vocal/ pro
by Travis david. 12/05/18 02:20 AM
NEW MEMBERS CHECK HERE
by Walt Lamberg. 12/04/18 11:00 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,671
Travis david 11,205
Kevin Emmrich 10,543
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,571
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,843
glynda 8,579
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,900
couchgrouch 7,436
Corey 7,357
Dave Rice 6,967
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,437
Joe Wrabek 6,403
ben willis 6,095
Vicarn 5,912
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,454
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,626
Blake Hill 4,528
Neil Cotton 4,477
Bob Cushing 4,352
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Cindy Miller 4,178
Tom Shea 4,173
TamsNumber4 4,032
Roy Cooper 4,013
nightengale 3,965
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,784
Dan Sullivan 3,710
MFB III 3,687
beechnut79 3,458
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
E Swartz 3,225
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,887
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,810
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,570
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,241
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
Wendy D 2,192
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,982
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
maccharles 1,881
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,630
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,588
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,461
Tom Franz 1,453
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,406
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
GocartMoz 1,396
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Ian Ferrin 1,230
PeteG 1,228
Glen King 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Martin Lide 1,176
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,111
summeoyo 1,085
joro 1,081
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
lane1777 1,038
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 945
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Deej56 831
Nadia 827
9ne 813
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
90 dB 745
Andy K 739
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
Fdemetrio 720
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
Irwin 603
NaomiSue 601
Pat Hardy 599
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Moosesong 555
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
R&M 478
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
Alek 356
papaG 353
Z - man 350
John K 348
JamesDF5 347
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
markus-ky 285
ktunes 285
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1144935 - 09/25/18 10:24 PM Tumbling and Turning  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
RainyDayMan Offline
Serious Contributor
RainyDayMan  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
Stratford, Australia
Haven't been been writing much lately, but I like how this one is developing.

Tumbling and Turning
©2018 Owen Hovenden

Link to music

It's hard
Living in the dark
You said to me

Hold tight
I can be the light
that you need

And I drank of your passion
The taste so bittersweet
You clung to my promise
Of strength and loyalty

Tumbling and turning like a wave upon the sea
Drifting and swirling as you breathe
Tumbling and turning, yearning for relief
Drowning in the ocean of your need

Your eyes
Begging for the fire
Inside of me

I'm dry
Nothing left inside
For me to give

I sacrificed my passion
The joy and the agony
To a hunger as endless
As the sea

Tumbling and turning like a wave upon the sea
Drifting and swirling as you breathe
Tumbling and turning yearning for release
Drowning in the ocean of your needs

Tumbling and turning
Tumbling and tumbling and turning
Tumbling and tumbling and turning

#1145235 - 10/08/18 11:09 PM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 831
Deej56 Online content
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 831
Owen,

I like the mood of this tune—kinda R.E.M. like to me. The balance between the vocals and the music seem a bit off; the former just a tad too much versus the instrumentation. Lyrically, I like the verses, particularly the first two, but their connectedness to the pre-chorus; and then chorus fades a bit for me. So, my two cents would be to focus a bit more on the lyrics, making it a bit more relatable to the listener--gotta make me feel what you're feeling. Not sure that will make sense to you, but offering it up for what it’s worth. It’s got a lot going for it, so well worth keeping at it.

Best regards,

Deej

#1145243 - 10/09/18 04:08 AM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,912
Vicarn Online content
Top 40 Poster
Vicarn  Online Content
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,912
UK
The brooding sound of this drew me in from the start, Owen.
I felt that you should have stuck with that dark minor chord play until you get to the "tumbling and turning..."
part though, as it loses its dark drama too soon in the "drank to your passion..." bit.

Reminded me of Roxy Music.

For a song like this try some delay on the vocals.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1145244 - 10/09/18 04:24 AM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,671
Calvin Online content
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,671
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Owen,


This has a really nice feel to it, good job.



Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1145253 - 10/09/18 05:07 PM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
RainyDayMan Offline
Serious Contributor
RainyDayMan  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
Stratford, Australia
Thanks for the feedback guys!

@Deej, I'll go back and review the balance with your comments in mind. That should be an easy fix.
The lyric is deliberately ambiguous and open to interpretation. For example it is not even certain which party is speaking at times. I can see that isn't going to appeal to everyone.

@Vic Interesting call on keeping it darker. I'll give that some thought. Thanks!

@Calvin Thanks for the listen. Always nice to hear someone has enjoyed it smile

#1145255 - 10/09/18 05:33 PM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,912
Vicarn Online content
Top 40 Poster
Vicarn  Online Content
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,912
UK
Hi again, Owen.
Yes, I felt it was too even on the light and dark so is letting it's character slip away.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1145262 - 10/09/18 07:53 PM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,819
Ricki E. Bellos Online content
Top 30 Poster
Ricki E. Bellos  Online Content
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,819
Wisconsin
I liked how it started out too, Owen. It felt more in keeping with the dispair? wistfulness? whatever darkness the lyrics spoke to but something in the pre-chorus watered down that mood. Definitely worth pursuing though. Well done overall.

Ricki

#1145292 - 10/10/18 08:46 PM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
RainyDayMan Offline
Serious Contributor
RainyDayMan  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
Stratford, Australia
Thanks for your input Ricki! It's interesting in that I started out with the chorus and worked backwards to the verse, so for me if the verse doesn't fit the chorus then the verse is out of whack. Which doesn't invalidate anyone's comments. It's that change of perspective you get from a listener's point of view rather than the creator's. Which is one of the great benefits of posting here! smile

#1145319 - 10/12/18 01:05 AM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,205
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,205
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Loved the hook Owen Tumbling and Turnig.
All in all an enjoyable listen
Cheers
Travis6


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1145325 - 10/12/18 01:36 AM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
RainyDayMan Offline
Serious Contributor
RainyDayMan  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
Stratford, Australia
Thanks for the listen and the comment Travis!


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
WalterRWebb, Dru, Fo1k, SimonTCarney, DanielSimons
21124 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics118,498
Posts1,117,250
Members21,125
Average Posts Daily30
Most Online1,506
Mar 16th, 2017
Just Plain Quotes
"I have dreamed a lot of things that have come true for other people, because I didn't take the action to make them come true for me." –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Darrell House (68), Randy Barnette (53), Roy Harris (84), Russell Campbell (66)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0