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#1144935 - 09/25/18 10:24 PM Tumbling and Turning  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
RainyDayMan Offline
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RainyDayMan  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
Stratford, Australia
Haven't been been writing much lately, but I like how this one is developing.

Tumbling and Turning
©2018 Owen Hovenden

Link to music

It's hard
Living in the dark
You said to me

Hold tight
I can be the light
that you need

And I drank of your passion
The taste so bittersweet
You clung to my promise
Of strength and loyalty

Tumbling and turning like a wave upon the sea
Drifting and swirling as you breathe
Tumbling and turning, yearning for relief
Drowning in the ocean of your need

Your eyes
Begging for the fire
Inside of me

I'm dry
Nothing left inside
For me to give

I sacrificed my passion
The joy and the agony
To a hunger as endless
As the sea

Tumbling and turning like a wave upon the sea
Drifting and swirling as you breathe
Tumbling and turning yearning for release
Drowning in the ocean of your needs

Tumbling and turning
Tumbling and tumbling and turning
Tumbling and tumbling and turning

#1145235 - 10/08/18 11:09 PM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 831
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2016
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Owen,

I like the mood of this tune—kinda R.E.M. like to me. The balance between the vocals and the music seem a bit off; the former just a tad too much versus the instrumentation. Lyrically, I like the verses, particularly the first two, but their connectedness to the pre-chorus; and then chorus fades a bit for me. So, my two cents would be to focus a bit more on the lyrics, making it a bit more relatable to the listener--gotta make me feel what you're feeling. Not sure that will make sense to you, but offering it up for what it’s worth. It’s got a lot going for it, so well worth keeping at it.

Best regards,

Deej

#1145243 - 10/09/18 04:08 AM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,917
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,917
UK
The brooding sound of this drew me in from the start, Owen.
I felt that you should have stuck with that dark minor chord play until you get to the "tumbling and turning..."
part though, as it loses its dark drama too soon in the "drank to your passion..." bit.

Reminded me of Roxy Music.

For a song like this try some delay on the vocals.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1145244 - 10/09/18 04:24 AM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,672
Calvin Online content
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Calvin  Online Content
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Posts: 19,672
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Owen,


This has a really nice feel to it, good job.



Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1145253 - 10/09/18 05:07 PM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
RainyDayMan Offline
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RainyDayMan  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
Stratford, Australia
Thanks for the feedback guys!

@Deej, I'll go back and review the balance with your comments in mind. That should be an easy fix.
The lyric is deliberately ambiguous and open to interpretation. For example it is not even certain which party is speaking at times. I can see that isn't going to appeal to everyone.

@Vic Interesting call on keeping it darker. I'll give that some thought. Thanks!

@Calvin Thanks for the listen. Always nice to hear someone has enjoyed it smile

#1145255 - 10/09/18 05:33 PM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,917
Vicarn Online content
Top 40 Poster
Vicarn  Online Content
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,917
UK
Hi again, Owen.
Yes, I felt it was too even on the light and dark so is letting it's character slip away.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1145262 - 10/09/18 07:53 PM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,821
Ricki E. Bellos Online content
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Ricki E. Bellos  Online Content
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,821
Wisconsin
I liked how it started out too, Owen. It felt more in keeping with the dispair? wistfulness? whatever darkness the lyrics spoke to but something in the pre-chorus watered down that mood. Definitely worth pursuing though. Well done overall.

Ricki

#1145292 - 10/10/18 08:46 PM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
RainyDayMan Offline
Serious Contributor
RainyDayMan  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
Stratford, Australia
Thanks for your input Ricki! It's interesting in that I started out with the chorus and worked backwards to the verse, so for me if the verse doesn't fit the chorus then the verse is out of whack. Which doesn't invalidate anyone's comments. It's that change of perspective you get from a listener's point of view rather than the creator's. Which is one of the great benefits of posting here! smile

#1145319 - 10/12/18 01:05 AM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,213
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Posts: 11,213
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Loved the hook Owen Tumbling and Turnig.
All in all an enjoyable listen
Cheers
Travis6


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1145325 - 10/12/18 01:36 AM Re: Tumbling and Turning [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
RainyDayMan Offline
Serious Contributor
RainyDayMan  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 175
Stratford, Australia
Thanks for the listen and the comment Travis!


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