Who's Online Now
16 registered members (couchgrouch, Brian Austin Whitney, maccharles, Dave Rice, Andy K, Gavin Sinclair, 9ne, Calvin, 2 invisible), and 234 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Posts: 3,797
Joined: May 2007
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
"Middle Class of Musicians"
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/16/18 10:23 PM
Vimeo & Royalties...
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/16/18 10:14 PM
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/16/18 10:01 PM
PM spam
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/16/18 09:42 PM
top fives.
by Dave Rice. 12/16/18 09:41 PM
Thnak You Mister Santa Claus
by Travis david. 12/16/18 09:10 PM
Now the U.K is doing it to me
by Gavin Sinclair. 12/16/18 06:42 PM
A Better Place
by Travis david. 12/15/18 11:36 PM
Starting Today. ( Deej & Travis ) Got a radio play
by Travis david. 12/15/18 11:30 PM
Canadian Bakin'
by Neil Cotton. 12/15/18 11:09 AM
The Same Remains The Same
by 9ne. 12/15/18 08:04 AM
Life's Too Short
by dironmills. 12/14/18 11:14 PM
I fell and broke my heart
by dironmills. 12/14/18 11:11 PM
Treat Myself to Some Good Times
by Walt Lamberg. 12/14/18 11:05 PM
It's So Good to See Your Face
by dironmills. 12/14/18 10:35 PM
by Deej56. 12/14/18 09:13 PM
If I Pen a Masterpiece
by Deej56. 12/14/18 09:03 PM
A Master Of Reason And Rhyme
by Two Singers. 12/14/18 08:21 PM
World Chess Championship - 2018 - London
by Dave Rice. 12/14/18 06:52 PM
Hold Happy Tight Right Now
by Neil Cotton. 12/14/18 03:59 PM
Barry Butler. (message posted. Please read thread)
by Mark Kaufman. 12/14/18 11:48 AM
Be Your Own The Standard Bearer
by Neil Cotton. 12/14/18 09:39 AM
Muffler Thumpin' Noise! {better mix}
by Neil Cotton. 12/14/18 08:07 AM
by Deej56. 12/14/18 12:20 AM
Wisdom's Wilderness
by Perry Neal Crawford. 12/13/18 09:01 PM
Wisdom's Wilderness
by Perry Neal Crawford. 12/13/18 08:45 PM
The Scheme
by Perry Neal Crawford. 12/13/18 08:38 PM
by John Lawrence Schick. 12/13/18 05:34 PM
Under Covers
by E Swartz. 12/13/18 12:41 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,674
Travis david 11,222
Kevin Emmrich 10,543
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,572
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,843
glynda 8,579
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,901
couchgrouch 7,450
Corey 7,357
Dave Rice 6,984
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,438
Joe Wrabek 6,403
ben willis 6,095
Vicarn 5,920
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,604
niteshift 5,454
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,627
Blake Hill 4,528
Neil Cotton 4,490
Bob Cushing 4,352
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Cindy Miller 4,178
Tom Shea 4,173
TamsNumber4 4,032
Roy Cooper 4,013
nightengale 3,965
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,784
Dan Sullivan 3,710
MFB III 3,687
beechnut79 3,458
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
E Swartz 3,232
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,887
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,811
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,570
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,241
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
Wendy D 2,193
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,012
DukeWill 1,984
floyd jane 1,982
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
maccharles 1,884
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,630
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,589
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,461
Tom Franz 1,453
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,406
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
GocartMoz 1,396
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Ian Ferrin 1,230
PeteG 1,228
Glen King 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
Martin Lide 1,192
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,113
summeoyo 1,085
joro 1,081
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
lane1777 1,038
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 945
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Deej56 840
Brenda152 840
Nadia 827
9ne 816
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
90 dB 745
Fdemetrio 741
Andy K 739
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
Irwin 603
NaomiSue 601
Pat Hardy 599
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
Moosesong 555
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
R&M 480
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
Alek 356
papaG 353
Z - man 350
John K 348
JamesDF5 347
Jaden 344
ddreuter 341
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
pomeranj 289
Char 286
markus-ky 285
ktunes 285
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1144945 - 09/25/18 11:33 PM Paper Dreams  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 840
Deej56 Offline
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 840
Hi, all:

Well, here's a song I'm not sure I'll record--it runs a bit long. But there are aspects of the lyric that I like, so I thought I'd share for feedback. What I call the first bridge (the second stanza) is really just a different melody between the first and second verse, and what I call the second bridge is a variation on the verse, but more spoken word or (dare I say) rap. Anyways, hope it's worth the read. My thanks in advance for any suggestions.

My best to all of you,


Paper Dreams

(V) Momma told me when I was young,
she said, ďDonít ever be afraid to chase the sun.
You never know the heights you can go until you try.Ē
And she could play and sing like angels do.
She taught me every note and every chord she knew.
She said that I could be a big star if Iíd like.

(B1) Momma had her own dreams, too,
but she gave them up when Daddy asked her to.
She passed when I was nine,
but every dream she had and her í52 Gibson guitar,
well, I made them mine.

(V) Swore on her soul Iíd be a country star,
played every high school dance and every local bar.
I told them, ďIím gonna hit the bigs like no one else.Ē
Daddy said, ďAll your hopes and schemes,
wonít amount to more than paper dreams.Ē
Well, I guess Iím gonna find out for myself.

(C) And so Iíll try to chase down the sun.
And Iíll fly to heights no oneís gone.
With every breath I can breathe,
with every drop I can bleed,
Iím never giving up Ďcause I believe
in these paper dreams.

(V) I met a man down on Music Row,
he said, ďI seen every wannabe here come and go.
You better pack it up and run back home, boy, while you can.Ē
I said ďYou may have seen a million wannabes,
but you ainít never ever seen the likes of me.
And, well, even if I should, I know I canít.Ē

(C) And so Iíll try to chase down the sun.
And Iíll fly to heights no oneís gone.
With this light in my eyes,
and my heart on my sleeve,
Iíll give it all I got Ďcause I believe
in these paper dreams.

(Ainít no luck, you gotta make your own breaks.
Iím gonna do everything it takes)

(B2) Iím gonna wake up every morning with the dawning sun;
sweat the frets until I get down everything Iíve done;
work the bar every night at the Patterson,
while writing lyrics on the back of a napkin;
post my tunes to YouTube and the music sites;
playing in the parks and at every open mic;
knock on closing doors; sell myself and more;
anything and everything it takes to score.

(C) And so Iíll try to chase down the sun.
And Iíll fly to heights no oneís gone.
With every breath I can breath,
with every drop I can bleed,
Iím never gonna stop Ďcause I believe
in these paper dreams.


And some day when I make it big,
Iím gonna head on back to the place he still lives,
and say ďWhat do you think of me now?
Hey, what do you think of me now?
Hey, Dad, what do you think of me?Ē

(c)2018 DJ Lekich

#1144951 - 09/26/18 08:43 AM Re: Paper Dreams [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 460
Gavin Sinclair Online content
Top 500 Poster
Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
Top 500 Poster

Joined: May 2017
Posts: 460
Conover, North Carolina, USA
You're right about it being a bit long for today's tastes (although not for me - I like longer songs) smile Of course, it'll depend on the tempo.

Regardless, I think this could be really good. I particularly like the pay-off at the end. I'm not so sure about the Paper Dreams thing, though. Is that an expression, something someone would say? I think it might actually be the weakest part of the song. Here's a suggestion that is probably completely insane. When I read these lines ....

"Daddy said, ďAll your hopes and schemes,
wonít amount to more than paper dreams.Ē

...my mind was filling in the last words as "wonít amount to more than a hill of beans.Ē It seemed more like the natural thing for him to say. If you went with that and then used it in the chorus and as the title, transforming the negative of a well-known phrase to a positive in a cutesy way, it might be more memorable. I think I'd be intrigued by a song called "Hill of Beans."

Iíll give it all I got Ďcause I believe
in my hill of beans

or, if the melody allows,...

"Iíll give it all I got Ďcause I believe
There's magic in my hill of beans" (a kind of echo of Jack and the Beanstalk).

And, because I'm getting carried away and I like unusual images...

"And some day when I make it big,
Iím gonna head on back to the place he still lives,
Put a can of beans on the table and say
ďWhat do you think of me now?
Hey, what do you think of me now?
Hey, Dad, what do you think of me?

As I say, probably completely insane. I look forward to hearing this one, Deej.

#1144988 - 09/27/18 11:09 PM Re: Paper Dreams [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 840
Deej56 Offline
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 840

Thanks so much for taking the time to give this one a read. "Long" is a relative term; I'm guessing this one might come in around 5 minutes the way I've written and play it. I've tried to put a fair amount of variation in the melody, but with anything that long you always worry that the listener's interest fades. Maybe I'll just give a shot at recording it and see what feedback I get.

As for "paper dreams": Most lyrics I write come to me as I'm playing, as did this phrase. Don't know if it's common--it just fit the melody and, more so, mood. What I think I mean by it is something planned--written down, laid out--aspired to, but not ever real, or tangible or possible. "Hill of beans" nails the exact sentiment--so you are right on, and it 's not insane in anyway--but I'm not sure it fits the tone of the song. (And I realize reading this you are at a disadvantage not knowing the melody and mood these lyrics go to).

What I appreciate most about your comments is with regard to the "pay-off at the end". Given it's a long song, that "outro" would be the easiest thing to cut. But, IMHO, it's the heart of the song, and my favorite part about it. I've always been a sucker for a son-dad relationship song, movie, whatever--and at it's heart, that 's what this one is about.

All the best,


#1145207 - 10/06/18 09:24 AM Re: Paper Dreams [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,222
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,222
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
I do like this Dave but i think it needs trimming down.
A personal thing but i get bored with long songs.
Well written as usual though

Last edited by Travis david; 10/06/18 09:25 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1145240 - 10/08/18 11:15 PM Re: Paper Dreams [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 840
Deej56 Offline
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 840

Thanks . . . yeah, I know it. Too long with nothing I can (or am willing to) cut without diminishing it (at least, that's how I feel). But that's the story of most of my lyrics. Gotta get better at being more concise in my story-telling. Well, that's why we're here (what few of us remain)--learn and grow. Appreciate the feedback.

Kindest regards,


#1145252 - 10/09/18 04:18 PM Re: Paper Dreams [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,920
Vicarn Offline
Top 40 Poster
Vicarn  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,920
Hi Deej.
To cut or not to cut? That is the question.
Depends on who it's aimed at I suppose. Or does it have enough variation, melody and arrangement wise to make it interesting?
Does it need every line in it to tell it's story?

The other thought I had was that this guy comes across a little self centred. It's a little me me me. Does he have any friends?

I would keep working on it with that in mind.


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.




#1145349 - 10/12/18 11:48 PM Re: Paper Dreams [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 840
Deej56 Offline
Top 500 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 840
Hey, Vic--

Yes, I'm in a very Shakesperian dilemma--thing is, I'm not sure I'll know if the melody and arrangement can carry the length until I record it and get feedback from you poor souls who have to listen to it, but my gut tells me it's not worth it. If I cut, maybe the (B1)--objectively, it's only purpose is to establish that the father did to the mother what he's tried to do to the singer--discourage them from achieving their dreams. But, the song could still work without it, lyrically at least (musically is another thing).

You've rightly called me out on my other flaw--my "protagonists" tend to be on the whiny, poor me side. I like the idea of trying to convey he has friends--maybe somewhere in (B2).

Anyways, don't think I'll do much with this, but keep it in the warmer. Maybe one day I'll figure it out.

Thanks for the comments, Vic. Hope all is well.


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.

Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
cat8mkl, MKLFIT, cocolili, joe222, WalterRWebb
21128 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Average Posts Daily31
Most Online1,506
Mar 16th, 2017
Just Plain Quotes
"Parents are notorious for telling you not to do something, but not telling you WHAT to do instead. So here are my thoughts. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, give it a manicure. Don't burn your bridges, go out and build more! And of course, Don't run with Scissors, use them to cut out your press clippings!" -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Jack Swain (2018), TheBlissMachines (37)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0