JPF Home Page Forums Creative Arts Forums Creative Writing Forum Whis-Pers Of Nite Owl Ranch (murder/mystery) glyn

I’m trying to branch out and start writing in all areas of writing, this is my first attempt at a murder/mystery story, and I’m sure I’ll be rewriting it some to bring out more details, etc, this is the first rough draft…..I have so many more thoughts on this and would appreciate any and all feedback.

Note: I wrote this short story after watching a lot of mystery shows on TV and read a couple of books in the past. I’ve tried to keep the story interesting enough to hold the readers thoughts. Since this is my first attempt, I hope I’ve done that on my way to learning to be a writer, thanks glyn


Whis-Pers of Nite Owl Ranch

Driving home to my small rented house just a few miles outside of town, I love to look at the scenery on my way. There are so many lovely homes with pastures and barns that make me feel like I could have lived back in the good ole’ days when this country was beginning to thrive. Today is a perfect March spring day, the sun is shinning high in the sky and the wind is warm but a bit windy. But that’s March winds, coming in blowing hard and wild. Today is the kind of day I’d rather have had time to play hooky from work and drive around this countryside and enjoy looking around more at the beautiful signs of nature and what God has created.

I love to see an old barn falling down and try and think of how life went on, try to imagine the work on the farm, the hassle’s of getting by, working long hard hours all day. Trying to get the crops in and hay in the barns before the rains come and ruin the freshly cut hay bailed in the fields. Feeding the livestock and keeping them well, changing them out from pasture to pasture. Going to church on Sunday to worship and start the new week off right.

Families getting together to have Sunday diners and worship together and catching up on the gossip of what’s going on in town during the week. Hitching up the horse and wagon to go into town to get the week’s supplies. The children going to school in the morning, doing their chores and playing the rest of the day away. And I could picture how the hot summer lazy days were spent under the shade trees playing dominos with a tall glass of sweet ice tea to soothe even the driest thirst away. Or running down to that ole’ creek bank and jump in, in the hottest part of a scorching day. Man, can my mind go off on something at times, can’t help myself, love the country and the real old country days. Yep, I would have fit right in.

Sitting on top of a green grassy hill over looking this small town country road is this gorgeous 2-story white house trimmed in Hunter Green, the house alone covers the large corner lot, you can see it from the front of the road and when you turn the corner, this magnificent house seems to continue and spreads even further. The rolling hills landscape is always well manicured with flowing streams, all types and colors of flowers, so beautiful I stop to take pictures, then, I notice that the windows show this wonderful house is quite empty. Can’t believe no one lives here, it’s kept so well all the time, and there are no For-Sale signs out to show it’s on the market. Maybe tomorrow on my way home I’ll stop and check this house out more and if I like it, I’ll try and check out some Real Estate firms to see what might be going on out here. This would be the perfect place to live and write, it’s so quite and peaceful out here.

It’s called “Whis-Pers of Nite Owl Ranch” man, what a wonderful name.

Not to get too far ahead here, let me introduce myself, my name is Cindy Brewer. I’m the Senior Editor and Chief Writer for the daily news in this little country town on the outskirts of Texas.

The so real to life dramatic decoration of this property that catches my eye is a giant covered wagon, with man and woman and a small child sitting in between them, the man driving the team. All made in Marble with two strong horses in front in trotting motion with 4 Texas Longhorn cows bringing up the rear and a flowing stream shooting up in front of the display, and at night it’s all lit up in lights. It’s breath taking and beautiful.
Even though I wasn’t even close to the display, I could feel a slight cool mist on my skin, or thought I did.

I couldn’t wait to get off work and drive up the long winding road to check out this house, asking the next door neighbors about the owners and they said it belonged to the folks down the road about a mile but the house could never be sold. Something happened there but they didn’t want to get into it, best to talk to the owner, Marcus Townsend. Getting no answer at the Townsend residence I went ahead and followed the road up to the house, couldn’t just drive away without looking at it more. And then could I even afford a house like this.

Stopping my car in front of the house in the circle drive, I get out and walk up to the front door area, as I step onto the porch, I hear a howling wind and feel a strong gush of air slamming the front door open. I jump back off the porch and feel a great desire to leave as quickly as I can get my feet to move. My, what a spooky frightful experience, and this house is so beautiful and lovely to feel such demonic possessive feelings as I’ve just felt. Freezing chills so cold, burning right down to the deepest parts of my bones.

Something so unreal must have happened here. How can so much fear be surrounded by so much beauty. I’ve never felt the need or want to run backwards, and in the middle of the day. All I wanted was to run as fast as I’ve never ran before and get out of here now. As soon as I got home, I locked my doors and turned all the lights on, inside and outside. For the rest of my days, I hope I never, ever come across this type of feeling I experienced today.

I did not sleep at all last night, even if I didn’t want to live in a house like this anymore, my curiosity was getting the best of me and now I had to know what happened here, being a writer myself, I had to know the story of this house and what went on to the people living here and if something so awful happened, why not tear the place down and rebuild or something.

The next day I again telephoned the owner of the house, Mr. Townsend and being rather rude he said the house was Not for sale and the house was NOT on display for anyone, no matter who it was and there was No need in continuing this matter any further and hung up on me. Even though this was something I felt I had to know the answers to, I knew in my best interest it was for me to drop it here and not snoop any further. As I did. Never to stop off and look at it again, but to only admire it from the road, someone at one time had put a lot of work, love and sweat and tears into this place.

About six months down the road, I was left a message to contact Mr. Townsend again and if I could please return his phone call as soon as possible, he had a business deal to discuss with me and to please forgive him for the rudeness of our earlier conversation but he felt once he told me of the nature of his rudeness he knew I’d understand. Man, now I was really excited to find out what had happened here at the Whis-Pers of Nite Owl Ranch. The ranch had belonged to Marcus's brother Sam and his sister in law Jennie Foster.

We sat up a dinner date on the following Monday at 4pm, and I was so eagar, I was there a little early at the Steak and Ale just inside of town. Marcus Townsend, was a good looking single 50ish gentleman, being a widower himself. His beloved wife Sara, had gone to the Lord several years ago of double pneumonia, died in her sleep. I love how Marcus dresses in his freshly ironed blue jeans, casual shirt, boots and cowboy hat, looks a bit like George Straight. Makes a girl take notice, but this is all I’m interested in, this house and his story.

Marcus gave me the grand tour of the place, the stables were the best kept and best organized I’ve ever seen. The whole place was just so overwhelming, including the best line of show and personal horses I’ve seen in years. There is also a huge herd of the finest Texas Longhorn Cattle on this ranch. This was for sure a place I could only dream of living in and a place anyone would die for.

My husband, Chad had died in 1995 from a broken neck, having been thrown from a horse while trying to rescue a young calf knee deep in mud. The emergency room doctors said that he was dead by the time he hit the ground and nothing could have been done to help him even if a team of doctors had been at his side.

Now, on to the truth of this mysterious house sitting upon this hill.

I asked for permission to use a recorder to record our conversation when Marcus told me of what he would like to do about getting a story out of the details that lead up to the night his sister in law, Jennie Mae Foster, became missing from inside her beloved home. The area was searched for miles around this small Texas town to never find any hopes or trails of her body.

Something else was also to be found that took this little town by total surprise and left destruction in the wakes at Whis-Pers of Nite Owl Ranch by storm.

Marcus as he asked me to call him, offered to pay me a considerable amount of money to write this story for him, using mostly his own words in hopes of finding Jennie, whom he had come to love like his own sister’s, murderer. Since her body had not been found, all presumed her dead, but there was another hidden secret about these farms that’s haunted this small country town for a decade already. He’d given me one of the family photo albums so I could see the beauty and life and love in his small family. Pictures taken on vacations of the two brothers and of Jennie. Jennie, was a wonderfully beautiful woman with that antique country age quality about her. She could easily pass for a woman of 10 years younger.

Jennie was a tall, lean, clean skin, beautiful in every way, a woman that took care of herself, and others. Most of the woman around town was envy of Jennie, having the love she had once with Sam, this land, the respect she received from the most top officials. She had an Aire about herself, strong, bold, secure, she knew what she wanted and how to go about getting it without rustling any feathers, so to speak. She walked tall and she walked proud. You could see how she loved this farm and everything and everyone on it. Jennie was a wonderful person, friend, wife and all these pictures showed in her glowing face how she loved life and living it to it’s fullest. It gave her great joy to help others, this was one of her biggest pleasures, and one that would haunt others in the end. The question on everyone’s mind…..why Jennie….

Several weeks into writing this story is when the truth came to light, folks around town knew there was another investigation opening up and had heads meeting together in hushed whispers wondering what was to come, who, where and or when would things change here. Yep, there’s storms a brewing.

Jennie’s husband, Sam Foster, had at one time been a one of the finest lawyers and most popular in town and had known of a few enemies from sending law breakers to jail for breaking the law, but he believed in his profession and felt he did what he had to do. He helped out a lot of the younger kids, and tried to teach them right from wrong and lead them in the right way of justice. But it came a time, that when they no longer wanted to listen and still kept breaking into neighbors houses and stealing anything that was wasn’t tied down, he felt he needed to give them that slap on the hand and put them in Juvenile confinement in hopes it would settle them down before they really got into a lot of trouble.

A lot of the town’s parents didn’t take too kindly to him putting their “Angels” in jail. This small town was big on sports and most the kids that got into trouble were big on the sports starting line ups.

Sam Foster also came up missing ten years ago, not returning to work after going home to retrieve some cold meds and to eat lunch. Sam had an important meeting he could not miss that afternoon, a meeting he never showed up to. Jennie was at meetings herself that morning and never knew Sam had even gone home that day. When he didn’t call at the time he told her he would and didn’t come home for dinner that night, she knew something terribly had gone wrong. This was not like Sam at all to not call her and tell her of his meetings and of what time to expect him home.

Sam, was Jennie’ s pride and joy, the apple of her eye, not being able to have children of their own, Jennie spoiled Sam and Sam loved it and in return spoiling Jennie too, there was nothing on this world he would not have done for her or given her. A search was done around the town for months with no results or no leads coming to light into his disappearance nor was his car ever found. Missing without a trace sort of thing.

Jennie swore the day Sam disappeared , she would never love or be with another man, she would always have Sam Foster in her heart and this is what she would do till her dying day, loving Sam Foster. Never removing her wedding ring of 30 years.

Sam, was Marcus’s older and only brother, being the only children their parents had. Coming from a rather rich family, both were born with what they call silver spoons in their mouths. The whole family was one of the sweetest most giving people you would find, very well known and loved. Their father being one of the richest Cattleman in the Central North Texas area, owning only the best of land bordering all around the Texas, Arkansas, Oklahoma borders.

Spring Fest was in the air and everyone was getting ready for the big dance on Saturday night. Jennie had been at the auctions all day, running cattle through and picking out a new herd for the upper pasture for grazing. She had been there everyday all week and had been up since 5 am on Saturday. That was one of her greatest joys, helping in the picking of the young spring calves.

There was one new cowhand, Tony, she had hired on a couple months earlier and he had given her some slack a time or two about if he owned all this, how he would run and operate it much better. Ron, the Ranch Foreman, had checked him out before hiring him, as he does all the staff and he came with a good background and had even graduated from the Junior college in town with a degree in Land Conservation and knew hand over hand all he needed to know about farm equipment and running the stock. Jennie had discussed this with Ron. Ron Tillman, whom has worked as the Ranch Foreman and been a friend of the family since she can’t even remember how long.

She felt this just to be a little thing of a new hire seeing the good that could be done. Ron, told Jennie he’d talk to him and settle him down, Jennie felt to let it go, no harm had been done. At first, Ron didn’t approve of Jennie not letting him talk to Tony. Ron felt it was in his best behalf and interest for the ranch for him to have full control of the hired help, as he called them. But, he also had a lot of respect for Jennie and didn’t take it any further. Pretty much what Jennie says, goes and had been that way even long before Sam disappeared.

She had no choice now, but to take some much needed time for business things she had to do at home before herself getting ready to leave for the dance. Getting the pay roll out and in envelopes for the staff at the house, the cowhands that lived in their own quarters out back, the 2 maids which had rooms at the other far end of the house, the cook, and her chauffeur Fred (Andy) Edwards who took her anywhere and everywhere she wanted to go when she didn’t want to drive herself. He was to come around to the front when she called about 8pm to leave for the dance. Actually Andy was more like an ole’ friend of the family and giving him the pleasure of driving her gave him something to do to spend his time and a job with money to take care of himself and his needs.

Jennie had already dismissed everyone for their night off and to give them the chance to go into town for the Fest. Her own clothes she was to wear had been laid out onto her dressing table along with and all the accessories she would need to complete her wardrobe for the night. She had chosen a long slimming, Emerald Green strapless low cut back dress with matching high heels, long white evening gloves and with her haloing red hair past her shoulders, she would have all eyes on her for the whole night. But, she would not be showing up for the dance tonight.

After showering and her makeup perfectly applied the phone rang in the downstairs study, Jennie already headed down the stairs. The lights were dim and Jennie saw a man standing at the foot of the stairs looking up at her, she called out and asked who he was, and if she could help him. With all the staff around and always having a lot of people around her all the time, she really wasn’t scared or in fear of anyone hurting her.

He never said a word to her but pulled the trigger and shot Jennie in the heart.

Andy never heard his call to come around and pick up Jennie, so he went to the main house pulling the limo in front of the house’s double circle drive. This was not like Jennie to not call, so Andy was a little worried that something may have happened to her, he felt she may have fallen or something. Going into the house he called out for her but no response. He ran upstairs and looked all over the house with no signs of Jennie, coming down the stairs he saw one green shoe just off the side of the stairwell lying behind a table against the Great Room’s outer wall. But, no other signs of Jennie.

Andy called immediately to the other cowhand staff out back and to the maids and cook at the other end of the house for help. Ron, was out transferring young calves into the upper pasture and came running when he got Andy’s call that Jennie was no where to be found. Everyone else was in place and accounted for. No one saw anything or heard anything. Andy also called Marcus Townsend, him being Jennie’s only live family and of course the Police and Sheriff’s departments to come out to the Whis-Pers of Nite Owl Ranch, by now it was 9:30 pm from all the commotion.

No one knew at this time yet of what had happened to the loving Jennie or her where abouts, where did she go? Her car was still in the garage, she never called for her chauffeur. She had put on the clothes the maid laid out for her, but where is Jenny and why is one shoe on the side of the stairwell. How could someone disappear from this house and no one see anything? How could anything happen in this house and no one know anything?

Everyone’s minds and hearts are running wild tonight in a panic spreading like wild fire.

The county sheriff called out homicide and investigators and they all immediately set up a search of the area in a 50 mile radius for the missing Jenny along with horses and dogs in hopes of tracking her scent. Had she gotten dressed and became in a state of mind that she didn’t know what she was doing and set out walking. So many things could have happen, but who would want to hurt Jenny Foster, if anyone needed anything, Anything! She would have given it at the drop of a hat. A make shift office was set up in the main front entrance of the Great Room downstairs for the Sheriffs dept and local officials working on the case, in hopes someone would try and reach the ranch with kidnap demands. But, none were called in, again in day time, without a trace of any possible motions or reasons to why this had happened.

Several months went by and still no signs of Jenny’s body or any leads in hopes of finding her, also her husband’s body had never been recovered from ten years earlier, either.

This is so mysterious and an awfully horrifying ordeal for anyone to go through, and where, yes where are their missing bodies.

Marcus at one point, had promised Sam, to keep Whis-Pers of Nite Owl Ranch up keep like he would have kept it if anything had happened to him or Jennie before Marcus’s death. On a hot summer August day, the well behind the house water levels had became lower than usual and the water Ph levels, etc. were not coming out like they were suppose to and the water showed signs of like animal feces in the water. Maybe a skunk or some other small animal had fallen in and died and rotted in the water. No one used this water except for the ranch animals that Marcus kept on the pastures and for the landscape and up keep of the property, so Marcus had the water well systems come out and check out the well.

What they found was a horrifying find for anyone, the feces were not that of an animal but of humans. Yes, not one but two human bodies were found lying at the foot of the well, under the water.

Sam Foster, and his beloved Jennie . Jenny had been thrown in and was lying on top of Sam’s remains.

But who would have done this to these two loving folks that loved everyone, why was this to be their fate, and was this all done by the same person so many years apart? A lot of questions needed to be answered and a lot of pain still to be endured and explained on this ranch.

It didn’t take long for the details to get out all over town, of what had happened and the police still had no leads into either case. Until one late night when a woman called in and left a detailed description of what she had heard in a jail cell across from her a few weeks ago.

In a holding cell in the county jail just outside the city limits she had heard a man bragging and laughing telling another man how him and a friend wanted to see how it felt to kill a “Rich Chicken” and of how they killed this woman and raped her before throwing her down her own well. Then the one man told of how he killed her smart A-- husband years ago from putting him in jail when he was a teenager and had gotten him thrown off the football team. And how the law was so stupid looking everywhere for their bodies and they were always right there, right in front of their noses.

The woman caller couldn’t see the men’s faces in the jail cell but she could identify their voices. She would never forget their voices, especially the one so carelessly bragging and laughing about what he had done.

One well known local man in town was arrested in the killing of Sam Foster. This same man and a friend of his was also arrested and charged with the murder and rape of Jennie Foster. Both men are now serving time in the Texas Department of Corrections on Death row in Huntsville, Texas and awaiting Death Row without any possible Parole.

I do salute this house now every time I drive by it and feel a relief in my heart and soul that Sam and Jennie’s souls now have closure. I never got to meet Sam or Jennie but could see their lives and loves in the face and voice of Marcus. And I’m happy to have helped give him at least a small piece of closure and satisfaction that justice was finally done, even though it being in the writing of this short story



May There Now Always Be Peace At “Whis-Pers of Nite Owl Ranch”

THE END



I DEDICATE THIS SHORT STORY TO MY FIVE DAUGHTERS WHOM I THINK ABOUT EVERYDAY, EVEN THOUGH THEY DON’T THINK SO, THEY WILL EACH, FOREVER BE THE CENTER OF MY HEART…..

TAMMY RENEE’
SHERRI ANN
TRACEY LYN
MARY RAQUEL
REBECCA MECHELLE

AND MY 8 GRANDCHILDREN…..JIMMY, TASHA, ASHLEY, SCOTTY, GARETT, COBY, and TAYLOR

ALSO MY 2 GREAT GRANDSONS……..KADE AND ALEX


I LOVE YOU GUYS

You never know the beauty of love, until you have loved and lost it…………

Ok so is this tooooooo boring..do I need to liven it up???

thanks glyn

Hi glynda I would go through and edit it if I was a writer, stream line it . I've taken out some word I think are not need to tell the story in the first paragraph. Your right reading it did seem a little boring I only read the first half. Good luck with the story.
Driving home to my small rented house, a few miles from town, I love to look at the scenery. So many lovely homes with pastures and barns. Thinking to myself , what it must have been like in the good ole days. Perfect march day, Sun high in the sky, warm and windy. I'd rather play hooky then work. Drive around the country side enjoying the beautiful nature god has created.

Thanks Scott, i'll do some editing on it...i've always been a bit wordy.....thanks again

glyn

Interesting - I didn't know you could do this. Not bad for a first attempt.

Feedback wise, I am not a storyteller but I have read a lot of mysteries. So take it for what it is worth.

You have the bones of the story and some interesting details. Like Scott, I think it needs a knowledgeable editor to clean up a few grammatical mistakes and to trim it down a bit.

The elements of a murder mystery are a plot that unfolds and provides some surprises and maybe a few clues that let the reader guess what might be happening. Also, a few wrong turns that might lead the reader to assume that character A is guilty whereas it is really character B.

Also, the language has to be entertaining and colorful - lots of description of the characters and the scene, which you have done well.

Your story sort of plods along and relates a series of events and at the end you rush to tie it all together and explain what happened. I think you should expand upon the ending, the woman who overheard the conversations, and the guilty parties.....

Stay with it!

Thanks Colin, i'll work on it more...but if someone wants to help here I don't mind ....thanks for your help..glyn

Oh and remember when I was in the hospital all those days in Allen the end of Janurary.. and they let me have my computer in my room, ..I started this then and finished it when I was in the hospital this last time in March...thanks, glyn

I'm gonna tey and work on this more...


Glyn

I kept thinking of the Victorian-era novels. Boring? Maybe you could spice it up just a little.

Ok........This was actually the first attempt of trying to write anything pass a song or poem or short story......since i'm up now and runnin I'm planning on going in and in all areas add details etc. more life..more interesting events to really bring this song to the edge of your chair......please stay tuned in and please leave me your feedback,,,,,thanks glyn

Man have I been very very very lazy. This one I must re-write and soon..I really hope to have changes by this (2018 ) December...cross my fingers..

Tks glyn

Hello Glyn. I am also branching out if you will and so can relate. This is a good first draft and the suggestions/comments are spot on. It is always good to write down everything. Wordiness is never a bad thing with first drafts but then there are the second, thirds and so on. Keep at it and if you are like me get the satisfaction of completing what you started. I have quite a lot of ideas and the beginnings and endings of stories. Only now am I taking the short stories I have written and beginning to edit them.

Have fun!

Douglas

J. K. Rowling sat in a coffee shop and wrote out an outline for how her stories of Harry Potter would go. That's probably a good place to get organized once an inspiration has come to you. You've got an inspiration laid out. It might be time for an outline.

.

A screenplay, the outline for making a movie, scene by scene, consists of 'Sixty Major Moments', each lasting one to three minutes. Put them all together and you have a two-hour movie. Writing a story can have a similar outline, scene unfolding logically into the next scene, leading to the denouement', the end.

Samuel L. Jackson said, "When I get a script I don't worry too much about the overall story. I see what words they give the characters to say, especially my character."

Get your characters talking, the protagonist doing the self-talk we all do in our heads, the others speaking directly to each other, as opposed to telling what someone said. Let them say it.

I'm going over this and see if I can add some very much needed jewels to this short story..then just maybe someone would really enjoy reading it..first I've got to copy it. I was in the hospital when I wrote it and don't have it on paper. Tks everyone and esp Gary

Also thinking about adding something in my mind and may change the title to.. Blood On Her Rose Petals.. then second thinking..maybe that will be my next murder mystery..lol...shoot even in my old age I'm kinda funny. Huh.

Working on changing the ending..leaving where the lady in jail heard the other inmates talking. But that's wasn't true. Gonna go through and change some other things too and add some hidden gems here and there. More to come. Tks glyn