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#1144652 - 09/14/18 10:04 AM I don't love you  
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 37
Spanky9 Offline
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Spanky9  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 37
Cincinnati OH USA
Verse 1
I thought you would be in love with me. But its not for me I want to know why? You cussed me out. It is not what i'm about. I wish you hadn't cussed me out I and moving on with my life. You don't need me as your wife. I don't understand why you're talking to her . I'm not in your hand. How was she had stayed being my man.
Chorus
I don't love you. I'm saying goodbye to you too. I don't love you. I wish you would move on with your life. Instead of me making me cry. I don't love you. You had your chance with me. You're in love with her and not me. I don't love you. I'm sorry but I am gone. Well you were her are had fun I don't love you.
Verse 2
I could laugh I could cry. I want somebody to be in my life. I don't want to feel like a heartbreak. But yet you make me feel like a mistake. In your life. I what do anything. For a man to be in love with me And not her. She will never be your girl.
Chorus
I don't love you. I'm saying good by to you too. I wish you would move on with your life. Instead of making me cry. I don't love you. You had your chance with me. You're in love with her and not me. I don't love you. I am sorry but I am gone. Well your with her and having fun. I don't love you.
Bridge
How would you feel if my love wasn't real. I gave everything to you I gave my love . My heart and it's not up to you now. I'm leaving you so don't contact me anymore right now. I had respected you. And I hope you. Move on with your life hopefully you will think twice. What you have done.
Chorus
I don't love you. I'm saying good by too you. I wish you would move on with your life. Instead of making me cry. I don't love you. You how's your chance with me.You are in love with her and not me. I'm sorry but I am gone. Well you're with her and having fun. I don't love you.
Dedicated to men


Michelle Strebe
#1144657 - 09/14/18 10:49 AM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 8,902
John Lawrence Schick Offline
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John Lawrence Schick  Offline
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Welcome aboard Spanky!

Michelle (I imagine that's your real name), best if you use your real name if you want to appear as a real person.. First off, your website, nor FB page doesn't show. Probably best not to use the links if they don't work. It all has to do with making a pro appearance.

As far as your lyrics go... it would be better if you used a standard form, like this: http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthr...e-moon-comments-welcome.html#Post1054121 Most musicians would be turned off by your lack of form. Needs some meter, unless you're thinking Rap.

I hope you take my suggestions constructively (they're meant to be). Hope you find a co-writer here. JPF is a great learning environment.


Best, John smile

#1144662 - 09/14/18 03:13 PM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
Joined: Sep 2018
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Spanky9 Offline
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Spanky9  Offline
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Cincinnati OH USA
So you're saying my song is not good


Michelle Strebe
#1144664 - 09/14/18 03:35 PM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
Joined: Dec 2008
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John Lawrence Schick Offline
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Originally Posted by Spanky9
So you're saying my song is not good


No, I'm not saying that Michelle. I'm saying if you want a composer to write music to your lyrics, it would be better to use the standard form. Musicians think in terms of meter. Each verse should have a similar meter/ length. I'm sure these lyrics are close to your heart. Refining them into a useable structure would make them better, and have a better chance as a collaboration. There are a lot of writers here that would be glad to help you. Then again, you may find someone to work your lyrics the way they are. I'm not a lyricist, so wait for more opinions.


Best of luck, John smile

#1144665 - 09/14/18 03:38 PM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
Joined: Sep 2018
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Spanky9 Offline
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Thanks John I love writing songs. I hope to make number 1 hits for country pop and Christian music


Michelle Strebe
#1144668 - 09/14/18 04:17 PM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
Joined: Dec 2008
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John Lawrence Schick Offline
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John Lawrence Schick  Offline
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Originally Posted by Spanky9
Thanks John I love writing songs. I hope to make number 1 hits for country pop and Christian music


One secret about writing... the more you do it, the better you get. Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite! Before I send a track of mine to my publisher, I first work at the piano. When the first draft is written, I put it away till the next day. Then the refining begins. It's amazing what improvements that can be made the next day. After that I record, edit, and mix it. Then again let it simmer over night. Refine some more the next day. Then before I send it out (sometimes a week later), I listen with fresh ears and give it a final refining. You don't want to send anything out that isn't your hardworking best effort. Often, I work on 10 tracks in the same 1-2-week period.

About writing #1 hits. Hits have a lot more to do with promotion and performance. Best to seek a small appreciative audience at first. Those big hits you hear have a lot of promotion bucks behind them. Best advice, think in terms of becoming a better and better writer. It's a very small group of writers that have those big hits. And often it doesn't have a lot to do with great songs. A big hit doesn't necessitate a great song. And a great song doesn't necessitate a hit song.

I hope some of the fine-tuned lyricists here give you better advice.

Best, John smile

#1144669 - 09/14/18 04:21 PM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
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Spanky9 Offline
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Spanky9  Offline
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Cincinnati OH USA
I can't sing or play musical instruments. I want to find people who can.


Michelle Strebe
#1144671 - 09/14/18 04:26 PM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
Joined: Dec 2008
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John Lawrence Schick Offline
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John Lawrence Schick  Offline
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Originally Posted by Spanky9
I can't sing or play musical instruments. I want to find people who can.


That's why refining your lyrics is all important. The better written the lyrics, the better chance of interesting a composer/ musician. Also finding new concepts and different ways of saying things.

John smile

#1144677 - 09/14/18 04:53 PM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
Joined: Sep 2018
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Spanky9 Offline
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Spanky9  Offline
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Cincinnati OH USA
Okay how do I get A lot of people interested in me


Michelle Strebe
#1144680 - 09/14/18 05:03 PM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
Joined: Dec 2008
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John Lawrence Schick Offline
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John Lawrence Schick  Offline
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Originally Posted by Spanky9
Okay how do I get A lot of people interested in me


Keep writing and posting your lyrics for review here Michelle. Think more in terms of becoming a better and better writer. Nothing happens over night in the music business. Hope you find some other lyricists here to give you ideas.

John smile

#1144682 - 09/14/18 05:07 PM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
Joined: Sep 2018
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Spanky9 Offline
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Spanky9  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2018
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Cincinnati OH USA
I love writing songs about my life.


Michelle Strebe
#1145009 - 09/28/18 02:03 PM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,240
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Michelle
John is a gifted seasoned composer and he is right in every aspect.
In order for your lyric to be set to music you need to adhere to basic rules and layout.
It would be good if you simplify the lyric by verses chorus bridge
If you were to look at say some of the well established writers of the last few decades for instance, Paul Simon. You would see the evidence of this in his lyrics
You will get plenty encouragement off fellow posters including helpful comments and ideas too..
Best of luck with your writing
Regards
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1145069 - 10/01/18 10:17 AM Re: I don't love you [Re: Spanky9]  
Joined: Apr 2009
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beechnut79 Offline
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beechnut79  Offline
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You are the same as me in that I can't really sing or play musical instruments either. You must be fairly new on this line. Don't go on as much as I once did because life has gotten more complex. The only real nit that I have is that it would look if you had posted it in verse rather than letter form. I am getting ready to post one of mine on this thread and you can see what I am getting at. Good luck. Hope the scenario you are painting with this isn't your own story right now.


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