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#1144266 - 08/27/18 02:22 PM The Dream (2018)  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,387
GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Hello all,

I wrote a song in 2013 entitled The Dream. I had actually intended originally for it to be a piano based song, but didn't have the chops or ability to really record anything but guitar for my songs, at the time. I actually first envisioned it just piano and vocal. I recently re-worked the tune and tried to record it more closely in accord with my original vision. I ended up actually recording two versions. One is just piano and vocal. The other is piano based, but with a fuller production, including fiddle, drums, bass and organ. I realize it may be asking a lot, but I would love to have your thoughts, not only on the song itself, but also which version you find preferable. I made the fuller production first. I figured I could just mute the other instruments for just the solo piano version. However, because of a lot of bleed over on the vocal, I had to re-sing it. The piano track is identical on both versions. The vocals are different.

I appreciate your time.

Thx,
Dave

https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/the-dream-redux-2018 (Fuller Production Version)

https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/the-dream-1-1 (Piano and Vocal)

The Dream
(c)2018 David S. Becker Music

Intro
Verse 1

I'm walking
Down a narrow road
I'm carrying
Such a heavy load
I'm losing my breath
Trying not to fall behind
I'm struggling
To stay within the lines

Verse 2
A weight it lifts
No more need to fight
A blast of air
And a radiant light
I'm for once at ease
As the air it fills my lungs
The pain is gone
My body and mind go numb

Pre-Chorus
But I can't escape
This nightmare
Why must I have to wake
This existence I'd forsake
I've survived too long
In this hospice
In my dream I'm set free
It's where I want to be

Chorus
I want to go home
Home
There's nothing here for me
But pain & misery
Home
I need to go home
Won't someone set me free
Take these shackles off of me

Bridge
Well I have a pulse
My heart's beating
I can take a breath
I'm breathing
But the pain is never easing
And to suffer there's no meaning

Verse 3
I am sleeping
With a peaceful ease
No bitter cold
Just a soothing breeze
There's a voice that's faint
Screaming "stay with me"
A shock to the heart
Why can't they let me be

Repeat Pre-chorus
Repeat Chorus
Outro

#1144271 - 08/27/18 04:37 PM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Feb 2005
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Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Texas
Wow! A moving and powerful song. We will all face "that time" eventually... and in different ways... but this sure brings it to the surface in a memorable way. Really nice work.

#1144273 - 08/27/18 04:58 PM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Fdemetrio Online content
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The music and melody overpowers the lyrics. I dont think somebody in hospice would have the energy to sing a bust out of here type of song. Sometimes you gotta think in terms of character

I like some of it, I think it sounds similar to Bruce's the promise one of his best outtakes..... https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq3RKsSThw0

#1144276 - 08/27/18 06:01 PM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Originally Posted by Dave Rice
Wow! A moving and powerful song. We will all face "that time" eventually... and in different ways... but this sure brings it to the surface in a memorable way. Really nice work.


Thanks for giving this a listen Dave. Always appreciate your thoughts.

Dave
Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
The music and melody overpowers the lyrics. I dont think somebody in hospice would have the energy to sing a bust out of here type of song. Sometimes you gotta think in terms of character

I like some of it, I think it sounds similar to Bruce's the promise one of his best outtakes..... https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq3RKsSThw0


Thanks as well for giving this a listen Fdem. Btw, I love The Promise. Great tune. Was lucky enough to see The Boss play it live on multiple occasions. Thx again for your thoughts.

Dave

#1144278 - 08/27/18 07:04 PM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: May 2017
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Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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I notice that nobody answered your question. My preference is definitely for the piano only version. It leaves more room for the expressiveness of the vocal. You might want to think about starting it off piano only and then adding some subtle strings to lift it up a notch and add variety.

It's a very good song and nicely done, although the subject is one that people don't like to think about and that might limit its appeal.

#1144282 - 08/28/18 07:08 AM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Hi Dave,


I think you did a really nice job on both versions but like GAVIN, I prefer the stripped down version.


Calvin


Maggie Udder -------------------------------
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1144356 - 09/01/18 02:01 AM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Deej56 Offline
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GoCart,

The full version is very rich—really like it out of the gate. It somewhat overpowers the vocal for me—so maybe there’s an opportunity to pull the vocal forward. Which would be a good thing—because the vocal is outstanding; tons of emotion in every syllable.

As good as that is, like Calvin, I prefer the piano/vocal version. I think your vocal shines a bit more—the stripped version, with just a bit more echo on the vocal just resonates more for me. Though, maybe, dial just a tad back on the reverb—seems to buzz a bit on the higher notes.

Either way, the lyrics for me are really compelling—and the performance really is just killer in both. You sing the hell out of this one.

All the best, Dave—this deserves a ton of listens.

Deej

#1144407 - 09/02/18 10:00 AM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Feb 2013
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida
Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
I notice that nobody answered your question. My preference is definitely for the piano only version. It leaves more room for the expressiveness of the vocal. You might want to think about starting it off piano only and then adding some subtle strings to lift it up a notch and add variety.

It's a very good song and nicely done, although the subject is one that people don't like to think about and that might limit its appeal.


Thank you Gavin. I appreciate your comments. I totally agree, it is a lyric that is likely to have limited appeal.

#1144409 - 09/02/18 10:46 AM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Nov 2010
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Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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UK
Hi Dave.
Not an easy thing to sing about so I think the stripped version is better because it doesn't glamourize it.

Nice one.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1144442 - 09/04/18 02:57 PM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 102
mikegouthro Online content
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mikegouthro  Online Content
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Hi Dave

That is a strong emotional song and your voice puts it over so well. Nicely played piano part as well.

You achieved a big cathedral sound on the first version but I prefer the solo version - it keeps the focus on your voice.

Well done!

#1144466 - 09/05/18 07:51 PM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Feb 2013
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GocartMoz Offline
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GocartMoz  Offline
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Florida

Originally Posted by Calvin
Hi Dave,


I think you did a really nice job on both versions but like GAVIN, I prefer the stripped down version.


Calvin


Maggie Udder -------------------------------
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart


Thx much for your thoughts Calvin. Greatly appreciated.


Originally Posted by Deej56
GoCart,



The full version is very rich—really like it out of the gate. It somewhat overpowers the vocal for me—so maybe there’s an opportunity to pull the vocal forward. Which would be a good thing—because the vocal is outstanding; tons of emotion in every syllable.

As good as that is, like Calvin, I prefer the piano/vocal version. I think your vocal shines a bit more—the stripped version, with just a bit more echo on the vocal just resonates more for me. Though, maybe, dial just a tad back on the reverb—seems to buzz a bit on the higher notes.

Either way, the lyrics for me are really compelling—and the performance really is just killer in both. You sing the hell out of this one.

All the best, Dave—this deserves a ton of listens.

Deej


Thx DeeJay,

Really appreciate the listen and comments. Thx much.

Dave

#1144512 - 09/07/18 10:54 PM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,435
niteshift Offline
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niteshift  Offline
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Sydney, Australia
Hey Dave,

Personally, I'd do the song as piano + voice, up until Chorus 1 , then build up strong simple powerful backing, step wise, ( thinking Mariah Carey type production here ) and then bring the song back down to just piano + voice at it's completion.

I can certainly hear full backing vocals for the chorus especially.

It's a very moving song, and that's why I would suggest a higher degree of musical dynamics

cheers, niteshift

#1144585 - 09/11/18 05:25 AM Re: The Dream (2018) [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,021
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Difficult poignant subject Dave.
I personally go for number one as it's more in line with the stuff ido now instrumental wise.
Both are good though and have their meruts..you handle the vocal well !
Traviz


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