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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Feb 2013
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Hello all, I wrote a song in 2013 entitled The Dream. I had actually intended originally for it to be a piano based song, but didn't have the chops or ability to really record anything but guitar for my songs, at the time. I actually first envisioned it just piano and vocal. I recently re-worked the tune and tried to record it more closely in accord with my original vision. I ended up actually recording two versions. One is just piano and vocal. The other is piano based, but with a fuller production, including fiddle, drums, bass and organ. I realize it may be asking a lot, but I would love to have your thoughts, not only on the song itself, but also which version you find preferable. I made the fuller production first. I figured I could just mute the other instruments for just the solo piano version. However, because of a lot of bleed over on the vocal, I had to re-sing it. The piano track is identical on both versions. The vocals are different. I appreciate your time. Thx, Dave https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/the-dream-redux-2018 (Fuller Production Version) https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/the-dream-1-1 (Piano and Vocal) The Dream(c)2018 David S. Becker Music Intro Verse 1I'm walking Down a narrow road I'm carrying Such a heavy load I'm losing my breath Trying not to fall behind I'm struggling To stay within the lines Verse 2A weight it lifts No more need to fight A blast of air And a radiant light I'm for once at ease As the air it fills my lungs The pain is gone My body and mind go numb Pre-ChorusBut I can't escape This nightmare Why must I have to wake This existence I'd forsake I've survived too long In this hospice In my dream I'm set free It's where I want to be ChorusI want to go home Home There's nothing here for me But pain & misery Home I need to go home Won't someone set me free Take these shackles off of me BridgeWell I have a pulse My heart's beating I can take a breath I'm breathing But the pain is never easing And to suffer there's no meaning Verse 3I am sleeping With a peaceful ease No bitter cold Just a soothing breeze There's a voice that's faint Screaming "stay with me" A shock to the heart Why can't they let me be Repeat Pre-chorus Repeat Chorus Outro
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Joined: Feb 2005
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Wow! A moving and powerful song. We will all face "that time" eventually... and in different ways... but this sure brings it to the surface in a memorable way. Really nice work.
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The music and melody overpowers the lyrics. I dont think somebody in hospice would have the energy to sing a bust out of here type of song. Sometimes you gotta think in terms of character I like some of it, I think it sounds similar to Bruce's the promise one of his best outtakes..... https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq3RKsSThw0
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Wow! A moving and powerful song. We will all face "that time" eventually... and in different ways... but this sure brings it to the surface in a memorable way. Really nice work. Thanks for giving this a listen Dave. Always appreciate your thoughts. Dave The music and melody overpowers the lyrics. I dont think somebody in hospice would have the energy to sing a bust out of here type of song. Sometimes you gotta think in terms of character I like some of it, I think it sounds similar to Bruce's the promise one of his best outtakes..... https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq3RKsSThw0Thanks as well for giving this a listen Fdem. Btw, I love The Promise. Great tune. Was lucky enough to see The Boss play it live on multiple occasions. Thx again for your thoughts. Dave
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I notice that nobody answered your question. My preference is definitely for the piano only version. It leaves more room for the expressiveness of the vocal. You might want to think about starting it off piano only and then adding some subtle strings to lift it up a notch and add variety.
It's a very good song and nicely done, although the subject is one that people don't like to think about and that might limit its appeal.
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Hi Dave,
I think you did a really nice job on both versions but like GAVIN, I prefer the stripped down version.
Calvin
Maggie Udder ------------------------------- http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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GoCart,
The full version is very rich—really like it out of the gate. It somewhat overpowers the vocal for me—so maybe there’s an opportunity to pull the vocal forward. Which would be a good thing—because the vocal is outstanding; tons of emotion in every syllable.
As good as that is, like Calvin, I prefer the piano/vocal version. I think your vocal shines a bit more—the stripped version, with just a bit more echo on the vocal just resonates more for me. Though, maybe, dial just a tad back on the reverb—seems to buzz a bit on the higher notes.
Either way, the lyrics for me are really compelling—and the performance really is just killer in both. You sing the hell out of this one.
All the best, Dave—this deserves a ton of listens.
Deej
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I notice that nobody answered your question. My preference is definitely for the piano only version. It leaves more room for the expressiveness of the vocal. You might want to think about starting it off piano only and then adding some subtle strings to lift it up a notch and add variety.
It's a very good song and nicely done, although the subject is one that people don't like to think about and that might limit its appeal. Thank you Gavin. I appreciate your comments. I totally agree, it is a lyric that is likely to have limited appeal.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Hi Dave. Not an easy thing to sing about so I think the stripped version is better because it doesn't glamourize it.
Nice one.
Vic
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Joined: Jun 2018
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Hi Dave
That is a strong emotional song and your voice puts it over so well. Nicely played piano part as well.
You achieved a big cathedral sound on the first version but I prefer the solo version - it keeps the focus on your voice.
Well done!
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Thx much for your thoughts Calvin. Greatly appreciated. GoCart,
The full version is very rich—really like it out of the gate. It somewhat overpowers the vocal for me—so maybe there’s an opportunity to pull the vocal forward. Which would be a good thing—because the vocal is outstanding; tons of emotion in every syllable.
As good as that is, like Calvin, I prefer the piano/vocal version. I think your vocal shines a bit more—the stripped version, with just a bit more echo on the vocal just resonates more for me. Though, maybe, dial just a tad back on the reverb—seems to buzz a bit on the higher notes.
Either way, the lyrics for me are really compelling—and the performance really is just killer in both. You sing the hell out of this one.
All the best, Dave—this deserves a ton of listens.
Deej Thx DeeJay, Really appreciate the listen and comments. Thx much. Dave
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Hey Dave,
Personally, I'd do the song as piano + voice, up until Chorus 1 , then build up strong simple powerful backing, step wise, ( thinking Mariah Carey type production here ) and then bring the song back down to just piano + voice at it's completion.
I can certainly hear full backing vocals for the chorus especially.
It's a very moving song, and that's why I would suggest a higher degree of musical dynamics
cheers, niteshift
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Difficult poignant subject Dave. I personally go for number one as it's more in line with the stuff ido now instrumental wise. Both are good though and have their meruts..you handle the vocal well ! Traviz
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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