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#1143919 08/16/18 03:52 PM
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Another new one. As usual, haven't quite been able to get a handle on backing vocals yet, if any. Thanks for listening.

BRING ME DOWN TO THE WATER
(c)2018 David S. Becker Music
All Rights Reserved

https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/bring-me-down-to-the-water

INTRO
VERSE 1

Bring me down to the water
Hold my head down 'til the water turns to black
Wash away my transgressions
Cleanse my soul and my stone cold heart
Please erase the bad memories
Lead the way to a brand new start
Before my world is ripped apart

VERSE 2
I was born in the badlands
Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist
I learned to take what I wanted
Kill or be killed was my guiding creed
There was no God there to save me
Just a will and an urge to deceive
And a hunger i had to feed

CHORUS
They don't offer absolution
For a hardened man like me
I've spent far too many years
Inside a penitentiary
I wish that I felt something
I wish that I would care
They can lead me to the water
They can lead me to that chair

INSTRUMENTAL
VERSE 3
It was a searing day in August
I stood lookout at the Black Hills Bank
A man in blue came upon me
"Hands in the air," he yelled and shots rang out
I watched him bleed out on the sidewalk
Now my freedom is in doubt
"Go to hell," his widow shouts

VERSE 4
It's certain hell is where I'm going
I meet Old Sparky in just one week's time
So bring me down to the water
Immerse my body let me free my mind
I'm not seeking absolution
Just repentance for my crimes
Bring me now there's not much time

CHORUS
OUTRO



Last edited by GocartMoz; 08/16/18 07:37 PM.
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A good unusual write Dave which works well. Great intro and all round pro production
A thumbs up from dreary England
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Originally Posted by Travis david
A good unusual write Dave which works well. Great intro and all round pro production
A thumbs up from dreary England
Travis


Thanks much Travis. Always appreciates your comments. Thx again.

Dave

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Hi Dave

I enjoyed that. It conjures up Marty Robbins gunfighter ballads. The melody and chords in the chorus really grabbed my attention. And the instrumental work throughout sounds great - and very well sung too.

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Hi Dave,

Wow, nice job on this one.
I really liked this part......

Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

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I like this overall, and like Calvin, "Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist" really wowed me.

I think what is currently the chorus would be better as a bridge. I think it brings the pace and energy down rather than up, which is fine as a break, but I'm not sure that's what you want for the chorus.

Otherwise, it hangs together beautifully.

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Very nice. I agree about that line "Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist." Says a lot in a few words. Love the instrumentals and the vocal is also great.

I have a bit of a problem with the line "Now my freedom is in doubt." Surely he has already lost his freedom.

Also, the phrasing of the line "Kill or be killed was my guiding creed" seemed a little awkward to me. Don't you think placing the stress on the word "killed" instead of "be" would sound more natural and also flow better?

RainyDayMan might have a point about the chorus. I like it a lot, but it does sound more like a bridge. I'm not sure that this really matters, though. Maybe if you went up instead of down at the end of the first line? Just thinking out loud...

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Originally Posted by mikegouthro
Hi Dave

I enjoyed that. It conjures up Marty Robbins gunfighter ballads. The melody and chords in the chorus really grabbed my attention. And the instrumental work throughout sounds great - and very well sung too.


Thanks for your comments and giving this a spin Mike. I appreciate the listen.

Dave

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Hi Dave.
One of your best imho.
Just a couple of suggs UOL.

The drums seem a little tame compared with the rest of the instrumentation.
I feel it could do with a change, at least in the chorus. Maybe snare instead of sidestick.
I agree with RainyDayMan about the chorus coming down rather than up. I think it needs a few chord changes to do that.
Also in the chorus you could try trimming the lines although that would involve changing the chord structure.
I think the chorus would pop better starting in G (assuming this key is Bm).
E.G.:
NO ABSOLUTION (with harmony vocal)
For a man like me
WASTING ALL THOSE YEARS (with harmony vocal)
Inside a penitentiary
I WISH I FELT SOMETHING (with harmony vocal)
I wish that I would care
LEAD ME TO THE WATER (with harmony vocal)
(pause) Lead me to that chair

Just my take on it Dave.
It's still a good write.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

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It's dark but in the good way with fine lyrics, vocal and backing tracks.

We like the arrangement and the mellow "pretty" mandolin makes for an effective contrast.

Cool listen!!! And a nice addition to our playlist.

J&B


Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?"
on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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Whoa...something a little different from you, Dave. Cool write, dark message...well done.

Ricki

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Originally Posted by Calvin
Hi Dave,

Wow, nice job on this one.
I really liked this part......

Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart


Thx as always Calvin. Appreciate the vote of confidence.

Dave

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Originally Posted by RainyDayMan
I like this overall, and like Calvin, "Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist" really wowed me.

I think what is currently the chorus would be better as a bridge. I think it brings the pace and energy down rather than up, which is fine as a break, but I'm not sure that's what you want for the chorus.

Otherwise, it hangs together beautifully.


Thx RainyDayMan,

Appreciate the input and certainly get your comments regarding the Chorus. Thanks for giving it the time and commenting.

Dave

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Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
Very nice. I agree about that line "Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist." Says a lot in a few words. Love the instrumentals and the vocal is also great.

I have a bit of a problem with the line "Now my freedom is in doubt." Surely he has already lost his freedom.

Also, the phrasing of the line "Kill or be killed was my guiding creed" seemed a little awkward to me. Don't you think placing the stress on the word "killed" instead of "be" would sound more natural and also flow better?

RainyDayMan might have a point about the chorus. I like it a lot, but it does sound more like a bridge. I'm not sure that this really matters, though. Maybe if you went up instead of down at the end of the first line? Just thinking out loud...




Thank you very much Gavin for your thoughts and comment. A lot of good food for thought. Thanks for giving this a listen.

Dave

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Hi DB:

This one really tells a story... and it does it exceptionally well. No nits or suggestions... you and only you can decide if changes are needed. To my way of thinking... there has never been a song written or recorded that can't find a change for the better... I do it all the time.

Your vocal clarity really "sells" the song and weaves the tale you've provided very well. Nice backing and I'll be interested in watching or hearing what you do... or if you make any changes. Great work and as always, best of luck in your musical endeavors.

----Dave

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Love the picking. Pretty sound. I'd offer suggestions, but in this case they would probably be personal preferences and nothing objectively solid and useful.

Nice tune.

Martin

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Really nice Dave!

I love how you have your vocals eq'd and slight delay--save this setting--optimizes your vox. Great production, melody, arrangement.......did I forget anything?

steady-eddie


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