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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Apr 2002
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New Version:
"Dear John" Copyright 2018-M.Healey
It seems so long since our first kiss Life takes a leap we take the hit We loved we lost it bit by bit And now it's come to this Dear John
I don't think that I could face Lying to myself again today We deal in hurt-we deal in pain That's our problem why I say Dear John
Dear John Dear John Dear John
We both know the way this works What happens when the bubbles burst I can't imagine trying to hurt John it happened-in a word Dear John
It's not like we never tried That's old news like tear filled eyes To find the good in this goodbye We both know will take some time Dear John
Dear John Dear John Dear John
Weary, blaming, choosing fault We walk on glass afraid to fall And unlike the best old break-up songs This one ain't a sing along
That's gone Dear John
Dear John Dear John Dear John
Old Version:
"Dear John" Copyright 2018-M.Healey
It seems so long since our first kiss When life leaps we take the hit We loved we lost it bit by bit And now it's come to this Dear John
I don't think that I could face Lying to myself again today We deal in hurt-we deal in pain That's our problem why I say Dear John
Dear John Dear John Dear John
We both know the way this works What happens when the bubbles burst I can't imagine trying to hurt John it happened-in a word Dear John It's not like we never tried That's old news like tear filled eyes To find the good in this goodbye We both know will take some time Dear John
Dear John Dear John Dear John
Tired like a barroom brawl Over, done, no need to stall Everything has been resolved No sin's left to be absolved
We can move on Dear John
Dear John Dear John Dear John
I wish you all the best in life....
Last edited by 9ne; 08/23/18 10:04 AM.
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Is this a modern take on a classic country ballad of the same name which starts out: Dear John, oh how I hate to write? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMueKWzG0WEThis is the original version of that song. A remake by Skeeter Davis and Bobby Bare came out in the late 1960s.
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I wasn't aware of that song Beech. I just write-hopefully something good. Thanks for reading! -Mike
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Mike,
I like what you have going here. Tough to really help much without the melody because it could all work pretty well in the right sound, mix, etc. That said, not sure "Tired like a bar room brawl" really works in the context of the song; and I do think that last stanza could use some tweaking--it seems to quick a resolution (which "resolved' suggests) in light of the prior verse ("will take some time").
Again, tough to really know without the music, so take the above with a big grain of salt.
All the best,
Deej
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I think you had a very valid reply Deej; thank you, I appreciate you reading! I agreed with you, and I wiped the last verse out with extreme prejudice, (the POWER!) I put a bridge there instead. The new version is below. Thanks again! -Mike
"Dear John" Copyright 2018-M.Healey
It seems so long since our first kiss Life takes a leap we take the hit We loved we lost it bit by bit And now it's come to this Dear John
I don't think that I could face Lying to myself again today We deal in hurt-we deal in pain That's our problem why I say Dear John
Dear John Dear John Dear John
We both know the way this works What happens when the bubbles burst I can't imagine trying to hurt John it happened-in a word Dear John
It's not like we never tried That's old news like tear filled eyes To find the good in this goodbye We both know will take some time Dear John
Dear John Dear John Dear John
Weary, blaming, choosing fault We walk on glass afraid to fall And unlike the best old break-up songs This one ain't a sing along
That's gone Dear John
Dear John Dear John Dear John
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I like your rewrite Mike why not post it above your initial posting? I stumbled over the nation ball verse the new write works better Cheers Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Thanks for the reply Travis, I posted the new version in my initial post. See? I do listen to you! -Mike
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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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I like the concept. No ambiguity here. Not sure how well this line works but it may iron out with the music: "John it happened-in a word".
Good luck with it
Vic
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Thanks so much Vic! I'm writing the music; it started with an A blues, but that wasn't popping so I went with an A minor blues and it worked. The 3 and 4 lines repeat the same chords but there's a pause between the Em and the Dm where that line works.Got the chorus music and now on to the Bridge! Thanks again! -Mike
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Good....nice use of near rhymes.
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Cotton's back in town! Hey Neil, thanks so much for commenting!
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ya , kinda cooled off on the forums and the like...writing less, I think I know by now what works...besides it just for me mostly. I am now the leader of our Rec. Centre band. Our Town is doing Cultural Days end of Sept. and the band is doing several of my songs about our town history and events. The band thinks the songs are good. That's all that matters. Georgetown Will Always Be Home Memorial Arena The Barber Dynamo The Ol' McGibby The Pole From His Seat On Our Town Bus. Footprints Worn In Wood When All Is Said and Done My Home Town (of course LOL) Light Up The Hills Canada The Amalgamation. Oh BTW, I released an album of my Tropical type tunes. Canadian Bakin' https://artists.cbcmusic.ca/artist/32054
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We're part of Canada wide https://culturedays.ca/en
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