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Another new one. As usual, haven't quite been able to get a handle on backing vocals yet, if any. Thanks for listening. BRING ME DOWN TO THE WATER(c)2018 David S. Becker Music All Rights Reserved https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/bring-me-down-to-the-waterINTRO VERSE 1Bring me down to the water Hold my head down 'til the water turns to black Wash away my transgressions Cleanse my soul and my stone cold heart Please erase the bad memories Lead the way to a brand new start Before my world is ripped apart VERSE 2I was born in the badlands Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist I learned to take what I wanted Kill or be killed was my guiding creed There was no God there to save me Just a will and an urge to deceive And a hunger i had to feed CHORUSThey don't offer absolution For a hardened man like me I've spent far too many years Inside a penitentiary I wish that I felt something I wish that I would care They can lead me to the water They can lead me to that chair INSTRUMENTALVERSE 3It was a searing day in August I stood lookout at the Black Hills Bank A man in blue came upon me "Hands in the air," he yelled and shots rang out I watched him bleed out on the sidewalk Now my freedom is in doubt "Go to hell," his widow shouts VERSE 4It's certain hell is where I'm going I meet Old Sparky in just one week's time So bring me down to the water Immerse my body let me free my mind I'm not seeking absolution Just repentance for my crimes Bring me now there's not much time CHORUS OUTRO
Last edited by GocartMoz; 08/16/18 07:37 PM.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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A good unusual write Dave which works well. Great intro and all round pro production A thumbs up from dreary England Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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A good unusual write Dave which works well. Great intro and all round pro production A thumbs up from dreary England Travis Thanks much Travis. Always appreciates your comments. Thx again. Dave
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Joined: Jun 2018
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Hi Dave
I enjoyed that. It conjures up Marty Robbins gunfighter ballads. The melody and chords in the chorus really grabbed my attention. And the instrumental work throughout sounds great - and very well sung too.
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Hi Dave, Wow, nice job on this one. I really liked this part...... Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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I like this overall, and like Calvin, "Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist" really wowed me.
I think what is currently the chorus would be better as a bridge. I think it brings the pace and energy down rather than up, which is fine as a break, but I'm not sure that's what you want for the chorus.
Otherwise, it hangs together beautifully.
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Very nice. I agree about that line "Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist." Says a lot in a few words. Love the instrumentals and the vocal is also great.
I have a bit of a problem with the line "Now my freedom is in doubt." Surely he has already lost his freedom.
Also, the phrasing of the line "Kill or be killed was my guiding creed" seemed a little awkward to me. Don't you think placing the stress on the word "killed" instead of "be" would sound more natural and also flow better?
RainyDayMan might have a point about the chorus. I like it a lot, but it does sound more like a bridge. I'm not sure that this really matters, though. Maybe if you went up instead of down at the end of the first line? Just thinking out loud...
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Hi Dave
I enjoyed that. It conjures up Marty Robbins gunfighter ballads. The melody and chords in the chorus really grabbed my attention. And the instrumental work throughout sounds great - and very well sung too. Thanks for your comments and giving this a spin Mike. I appreciate the listen. Dave
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Hi Dave. One of your best imho. Just a couple of suggs UOL.
The drums seem a little tame compared with the rest of the instrumentation. I feel it could do with a change, at least in the chorus. Maybe snare instead of sidestick. I agree with RainyDayMan about the chorus coming down rather than up. I think it needs a few chord changes to do that. Also in the chorus you could try trimming the lines although that would involve changing the chord structure. I think the chorus would pop better starting in G (assuming this key is Bm). E.G.: NO ABSOLUTION (with harmony vocal) For a man like me WASTING ALL THOSE YEARS (with harmony vocal) Inside a penitentiary I WISH I FELT SOMETHING (with harmony vocal) I wish that I would care LEAD ME TO THE WATER (with harmony vocal) (pause) Lead me to that chair
Just my take on it Dave. It's still a good write.
Vic
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It's dark but in the good way with fine lyrics, vocal and backing tracks.
We like the arrangement and the mellow "pretty" mandolin makes for an effective contrast.
Cool listen!!! And a nice addition to our playlist.
J&B
Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?" on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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Whoa...something a little different from you, Dave. Cool write, dark message...well done.
Ricki
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Thx as always Calvin. Appreciate the vote of confidence. Dave
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I like this overall, and like Calvin, "Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist" really wowed me.
I think what is currently the chorus would be better as a bridge. I think it brings the pace and energy down rather than up, which is fine as a break, but I'm not sure that's what you want for the chorus.
Otherwise, it hangs together beautifully. Thx RainyDayMan, Appreciate the input and certainly get your comments regarding the Chorus. Thanks for giving it the time and commenting. Dave
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Very nice. I agree about that line "Trained by the belt and a cold steel fist." Says a lot in a few words. Love the instrumentals and the vocal is also great.
I have a bit of a problem with the line "Now my freedom is in doubt." Surely he has already lost his freedom.
Also, the phrasing of the line "Kill or be killed was my guiding creed" seemed a little awkward to me. Don't you think placing the stress on the word "killed" instead of "be" would sound more natural and also flow better?
RainyDayMan might have a point about the chorus. I like it a lot, but it does sound more like a bridge. I'm not sure that this really matters, though. Maybe if you went up instead of down at the end of the first line? Just thinking out loud... Thank you very much Gavin for your thoughts and comment. A lot of good food for thought. Thanks for giving this a listen. Dave
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Joined: Feb 2005
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Hi DB:
This one really tells a story... and it does it exceptionally well. No nits or suggestions... you and only you can decide if changes are needed. To my way of thinking... there has never been a song written or recorded that can't find a change for the better... I do it all the time.
Your vocal clarity really "sells" the song and weaves the tale you've provided very well. Nice backing and I'll be interested in watching or hearing what you do... or if you make any changes. Great work and as always, best of luck in your musical endeavors.
----Dave
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Love the picking. Pretty sound. I'd offer suggestions, but in this case they would probably be personal preferences and nothing objectively solid and useful.
Nice tune.
Martin
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Really nice Dave!
I love how you have your vocals eq'd and slight delay--save this setting--optimizes your vox. Great production, melody, arrangement.......did I forget anything?
steady-eddie
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