JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Prayer to the World (Revised)

Update: Based on the additional feedback provided as of 8/14/18, I made a few more adjustments and I've linked what I consider to be the final version at this point. I hope it's improved over the original post for those that have heard it. Anyways, I'm going to set this one aside for a bit. But thanks to all below for the listens--all your suggestions have been very helpful and much appreciated.

Prayer to the World

Original Post

Hi, all,

A little something new. As always, thanks in advance for giving this one a spin--I hope it's worth the listen.

(V) We keep moving sideways
down all these highways
searching for someplace to be.
Through all our travels
we’ve been scarred by our battles—
maybe it’s time we made our peace.

(PC) We’ve gotta open our arms
to the light of the living
or let what’s dying die.
Don’t be alarmed by
by our doubts and our misgivings—
it’s so easy, love, to never try.

(C) We’ve gotta set our sights
on the light shining over
all these mad things we do.
You say you’ve got your demons,
well, I’ve got demons too—

Say a prayer to the world
there’s a chance for forgiveness;
a prayer to the world,
there’s some light still within us;
a prayer to the world,
there’s still hope of love for me and you.

(V) We drove through the tension,
while every sense of connection,
just scattered like leaves in the wind.
We found comfort in strangers
well aware of the danger
of losing ourselves in the end.

(PC) We’ve got to open our eyes
to the price of commitment
and make a choice to choose.
Don’t be surprised by the
strength of our resistance to it—
it’s harder, love, to win than lose.

(C) We oughta to set our sights
on the light shining over
all these mad things we do.
You say you’ve got your reasons,
well, I’ve got reasons too—

Say a prayer to the world
there’s a chance for forgiveness,
a prayer to the world,
there’s some light still within us,
a prayer to the world,
there’s still hope of love for me and you.

(B) Let’s walk on out
from this weight on our shoulders.
Let’s figure out
how a good love can bloom.

(C) We’ve got to set our sights
on the light shining over
all these mad things we do.
You say you’ve got your demons,
well, I’ve got demons too—

Say a prayer to the world
there’s a chance for forgiveness,
a prayer to the world,
there’s some light still within us,
a prayer to the world,
there’s still hope of love for me and you.

(c)2018 DJ Lekich

Hello Deej,


Wow, you're impressive
It's a beautiful anthem.

Cool bridge.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

I agree with Calvin. Really enjoyed this. It's a little long, maybe. Not for me. I'm fine with a 5 minute song and, if I'm enjoying it as much as this, I want it to continue, but I know when I've written them, some folks have commented that they should be shorter. Do you think some backing vocals on the second stanza of the chorus might make it stand out more musically? It's a lovely melody and great lyric.

Deej

I enjoyed that a lot. You've created a strong hopeful message - and the arrangement supports it well. I really like your voice - it's unique and compelling - it kept me focused on the lyric throughout.

This is really nice Deej! Just beautifully constructed. I really enjoyed that.

I don't think you need the parts labelled as (PC). I think it would flow more smoothly going straight to the chorus. Just my 5 cents!

Deej,

A well written song with a good message. Your vocals are impressive - sung "like you mean it"...

Nice use of the piano. The arrangement is good, though some of the background instruments are a tad low in volume (the fiddle especially)
I would consider not using the fiddle in the opening. The piano introduces the song nicely. If you want something added there, the atmospheric pedal steel would be nice. The fiddle works well introducing the second verse...


I enjoyed the listen.

fj

Thanks, Calvin! Appreciate the listen and kind words.

Regards,

Deej

Gavin,

Thanks for stopping in! I feel the same way regarding a long song, as long as it's only as long as it needs to be (if that makes sense). I really don't see an opportunity to trim this without taking something away--it is what it is, for better or worse. And since I'm not looking to score commercially--so what does it really matter in the end?

I think you're right about the backing vocals. But I just haven't mastered how to add them yet. Harmonies I can pull off to some degree, but not sure how to approach back vox. My next challenge, I think.

Appreciate the feedback.

All the best,

Deej

Mike and Owen,

Glad you both enjoyed the tune. I don't disagree on the labelling, Owen--just something I do more as a matter of convention, particularly when I post the lyrics to the L3 forum, so people have a sense of how the different sections might work musically. I take the labels off when I post on SoundCloud.
Hope that makes sense.

My kind regards to both of you,

Deej

Floyd,

Thanks for the listen and the feedback. I did struggle a bit on the mix finding the right balance on some of the background instruments. I really wanted the piano to carry this one and standout. I'll play around with it some and see if I can lift the fiddle and pedal steel a bit, and accentuate a little more in key spots.

I'll also see what it sounds like without the fiddle in the intro, but I kind of like it as is. The piano stays on the same chord the last three bars of the intros and the fiddle I think provides some nice momentum into that first verse. But you may be (and probably are) right.

Really appreciate your thoughtful comments.

All the best,

Deej

Dittos regarding all the above accolades particularly regarding the message.

The passionate and soulful vocal captured us from the get go!

Cool arrangement and the bass line is very nice.

J&B

PS: FWIW By today's loudness standards it is a bit quiet. It seems like there is plenty of headroom to bring it up with no issues should you decide to do so.

Really Nice DJ

A soulful write and a soulful delivery.
You write really well. The song was long but I listened to the end because I was enjoying the phrases that you turned and the prosody and the word choices and the rhymes.

Artful, yet natural sounding.

Sweet.

Marty

Thanks, J&B,

Nice call on the volume--it's actually almost as far as I can push it on the DAW. I have to remember to max the volume on the BIAB tracks before importing; and then be a bit more liberal on the volume when recording the vocal. Definitely easier to tune it down than up! Appreciate the kind comments.

All the best to you both,

Deej

Martin,

I appreciate the listen and your taking the time to comment. Really pleased you liked the tune, notwithstanding it runs a bit longer than most. Not quite sure I'd say it's "artful"; but it's what I have to offer. But thanks for the kind comment, and I'll keep keeping on.

My best regards,

Deej

Hey DeeJay,

Every song I hear of yours, your vocals standout more and more. You have such a unique timbre to your voice and it is always such a soulful and powerful delivery. I really love everything about this write. If i had one idea, it would be to hear this just with a piano and vocal. It would kill imho. I think the dynamics here are really really strong. great job.

Dave

Hi Deej.
A fine song and production with a relevant message (Floyd has a point about the fiddle and maybe could be swelled up).

A little trimming in length would be worth trying as long as you didn't lose important detail.

Vic

Exceptional Deej unique voice lyric and talent.
Travis

Dave,

Thanks for the kind comments and feedback. I've posted an alternate version that isn't quite just piano and vocal, but each is I hope more accentuated. Not sure if it works better, but eventually I'll go with one or the other.

Best regards,

Deej

Thanks for the listen, Vic. I was kinda partial to that fiddle in the intro, but having 86'd it in the alternative version, I think you and Floyd are right. As for length, I'm not sure I can cut it down meaningfully without sacrificing more than I'd want. I could shorten the intro and maybe the finish, but that's not going to save much. It's length definitely has that going against it, but it kind of is what it is at this point. Appreciate the input.

Regards,

Deej

Appreciate your giving this one a spin, Travis. Glad you enjoyed the tune!

All the best,

Deej

Love the over all vibe and sentiment.
Very expressive vocal performance.
Are you playing the piano... sounds great.
I would love to hear the violin turned up a bit in the chorus.

Well Done

Lovely, Deej, and a timely sentiment for these times...we can use all the prayers we can get. :I

After reading the lyrics...

We’ve gotta open our arms
to the light of the living
or let what’s dying die

...why can't it be both..."and" instead of "or"? Just a thought. Well done.

Ricki

Nelson,

Thanks for the listen and suggestions. I revisited it and added back in the fiddle starting the second chorus and upped the volume a bit, but left the first chorus clean. New (and final) version is linked above. I think it works better, but I'm too close to it at this point to know for sure. Anyway, I hope it is. Appreciate the feedback.

Oh, and, no, that's not me playing piano--it's BIAB. I wish I could play like that. Actually, I wish I could play at all!

All the best,

Deej

Ricki,

Thanks for stopping in. As for that particular lyric, the intent is to say "We have to do something to save our dying love/relationship (open up to the light of the living) or just let it die". So, I think it's "or" (at least as I have it written for now). But I really appreciate the careful read and thoughtful critique, as well as the kind comments. Thanks.

Best regards,

Deej

I was right. It killed. You know which version I like best. Great great song. My favorite of yours. Definitely anthemic!

Dave

Does your mastering chain end with a limiter?

Bud

Deej, I didn't get that it was focused on a love/relationship thing. I thought it was more of a generalized plea for love in a crazy, unloving time..as in a prayer to the world. In which case we'd want to embrace the light and what's good in life and let go of what's bad and dying or dead. Just my take away.

Ricki

Dave,

You are way, way too kind, but I appreciate the nice support.

All the best to you,

Deej

Oh, Bud, my friend,

LOL, you may as well have asked me whether my guitar has a right or left-handed whatcha-ma-call-it! I have no idea what you just asked you me. What is a mastering chain? And what is a limiter? I really have no idea. Truly, I'm a total amateur and am stumbling my way through the dark here. But, lord knows, I can use help and I appreciate whatever you have to offer. Feel free to PM me if that makes more sense than trying to discuss on this thread, but please don't feel obligated. You've already helped me so much.

All the best,

Deej

Ricki,

Well, that’s very, very interesting. I never focused on a broader read of these lyrics. I did write it from the perspective of one lover/partner speaking to another. But you’re right—the lyrics absolutely can be read another way. Your comment helped me to step back and see it. I certainly didn’t write it with that duality in mind, but I actually like that there is that alternative read.

But regardless of the interpretation, my hope is the theme comes through. And you got it, Ricki, and summarized it better than I could—it is a plea for love in an unloving time. Embrace and commit to the possibility of a better love, or let what little love there is--a love that's already dying--die. So that’s why I wrote “or” and not “and”—it’s a choice. We choose to embrace the light or let whatever it is we have left die.

Again, not sure it will work for everyone—it’s just what I intended.

Thanks for opening my eyes!

My kind regards,

Deej