JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 So Breathe

Something new to work on (slow ballad, I guess) . . . comments, as always, appreciated.

So Breathe

(V) I should have known it long before
from the quiet ways you seemed
to hold your breath.
I feel so bad it felt so wrong
to share this secret
you’ve so closely kept.

(C) Did you fear I would never love you as you are?
Did you think I wouldn’t be the friend I was before?
Well, relax—you know it now.
So breathe.

(V) All the jests and droll asides—
how you hid yourself
behind your smiles.
It makes me sad to realize
I never really knew you
all this while.

(C) Did I say something unforgiving or unfair
to betray the trust I made you doubt was really there?
Well it was, and it will always be.
So breathe.

(B) I’m sorry I was blind,
that I could never see
in the who I thought you were
the who you’re meant to be.
And I just want to let you know,
I’m so glad you’re finally free.

(C) Did you fear I wouldn’t love you as you are?
Did you think I wouldn’t stand beside you all the more?
Well, relax—just close your eyes.
Sit back—your future’s open wide . . .
So breathe.

(c)2018 DJ Lekich

makes me wonder what the secret is now but i'm just nosey.The bridge is a bit of a tongue twister of sorts with all the "you" and "you're" in it but it may just be me.Mike

Michael,

Thanks for giving this one a read and taking the time to comment. I think you're right about the bridge. I originally wrote it using "who" rather than "you" but started using the latter recently because it seemed more precise. But it results in too many of "you" and "you're". So I've reverted back to the original and made the changes above. Not sure that works, but I don't think I have a lot of choices there.

As for the secret, I had one in mind when I wrote this, but intentionally left it nondescript, as I wanted this apply more universally than to only the one situation (if that makes sense). That was the intent at least.

Again, appreciate the feedback.

Regards,

Deej

In trying to interpret the meaning of this one, I got the hint that it is about waking up one morning and starting the day with some stress in your relationship. Did I hit the target?

I like the bridge Deej. It would be worth emphasising those WHO's when you set it to music/ vocal
Cheers
Travis
PS what the fecking hells happening around here,never known it so slow!

It looks right on paper Deej.
Maybe a stripped down musical arrangement is all it needs.

Vic

Beech,

Well, yes, you are pretty much on target. If you had a secret you feared would change how people would think of you, particularly a friend, family member or lover that you cared about, would you share it? As a friend, family member, or lover, how would they feel knowing you kept that secret and didn't believe you could trust them? What do you think they would say to you? The song is written from the perspective of the latter. Not sure that helps, but it's what inspired me on this one.

Thanks for the read--it's much appreciated!

Regards,

Deej

Travis,

Thanks much--yeah, I'll need to be real careful on the vocal; it can be a bit of a tongue-twister, but thankfully it's a slow song. Think--hope--I can carry it off.

Oh, and I have no idea what's going on with JPF--calling the forums "slow" is an understatement. Might need to rename the site "JPZ: Just Plain Zombies"! Here's hoping things pick up!

All the best,

Deej

Hey, Vic,

Thanks for stopping in and giving this a read. You're spot on--it's gonna be as stripped as I can make it. Pretty much a finger-picked guitar thingy as I've written it--just don't know how to set up a finger-picked song in BIAB yet, and it will need just a bit more than me doing a g/v. I think it will take a while--but, anyway, your instincts are right on. Appreciate the feedback.

Best regards,

Deej