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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Apologies for the hiss on this. I may need a new A/D interface. So this is definitely a scratch recording. I'll be your friend© 2018 Owen Hovenden Link to musicThe lord sets a burden on our shoulders Sometimes it feels like more than we can bear As the night closes in, and it gets colder I'll be there Brother won't you share your load with me We'll carry it together till the end And if I can't take the weight from your shoulders I'll be your friend Chorus: I'll be your friend when the demons are calling When the black dog is barking at your door I'll be your friend when those voices say You just can't take it anymore I'll be your friend Some friends have faltered by the wayside Left you to struggle on your own Just remember when your strength is at its ebb You're not alone I can surely follow in your footsteps If I can't walk a mile in your shoes Take my hand, help me understand Your blues CHORUS Bridge: Head hanging low like a man condemned Hoping and a-praying for this pain to end I'll be with you, broken or bent till the end CHORUS
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Hi Owen
I really enjoyed that. The message is strong and heartfelt. The short last line of each verse works well. As I've commented before, your voice peaks my interest - this time I was reminded of Bryan Ferry.
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That's a very beautiful song. Moving lyrics and a melody to match.
A couple of observations...
In the line "When the black dog is barking at your door," you sing the last two words in a sort of jaunty clipped way. I think it would be better, more in keeping with the mood, if you stretched those words out. You might also think about going up instead of down there, just to add variety. I'm not sure about that - just a thought.
This is a lovely verse... I can surely follow in your footsteps If I can't walk a mile in your shoes Take my hand, help me understand Your blues
However, the image I get from "follow in your footsteps" is one where the person has already passed that way, is no longer present, and you are following some way behind. That's not in keeping with taking his/her hand. I think you want to be falling into step beside the person and walking beside him/her, matching his/her footsteps in real time, a comforting presence. Am I correct?
Unfortunately, despite some intensive brain wracking, I can't really come up with any brilliant suggestions. Best I can do is...
I can surely match your footsteps or I can accompany your footsteps
I wish I could do better. It's such a great image.
I really love this song.
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Thanks Mike! Glad you enjoyed it. Honestly, I'm just happy if I can sing mostly in tune.
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Gavin, I see what you mean about the "barking at your door" line. That could work, going up and singing it out. I'll give it a try. We have a different visual image about following in your footsteps. I see it more as immediately behind him, and therefore not in conflict - and, as you pointed out, it's hard to think of a viable alternative that keeps the general image. I'll see if others find that jarring, or whether it's more of a personal interpretation. Appreciate the helpful advice!
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Owen,
First off, the opening is very inviting; totally sets the mood and pulls the listener in. The vocal resonates—kinda fits the song nicely. And I really like the harmonies going on in the chorus. The one aspect I’d suggest revisiting is the percussion arrangement. Not sure if it’s the drums or somewhat attributed to the hiss you mention, but the high-hat on the drum kit doesn’t quite work for me—a bit distracting from the melody and at times a bit too much for me—so maybe something to revisit (use or lose).
But if this is a scratch recording . . . well, it’s better than what I could pull together most times—which is to say, very well done--you've got a sweet tune here!
BTW, I agree the lines “I can surely follow in your footsteps / if I can’t walk a mile in you shoes” are stunning. Great, great line. I get what Gavin is saying, but not sure I’d mess with it much. The sentiment comes through, and that’s really what matters (and, like Gavin, I’m at a loss for how you’d modify it).
Cool tune, Owen! Will wait to hear the next iteration!
All the best, buddy!
Deej
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Thanks for the detailed feedback Deej! Might be the crashes in the drumkit that are overpowering. I can certainly turn those down. That's all midi driven samples, so no hiss there.
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Hello Owen, A beautiful tune. I really enjoyed this line....... When the black dog is barking at your door Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Thanks Calvin!
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Hi RainyDayMan
Nice write. The snare hit seems a little harsh and monotonous for such a soft song. Maybe better tone it down a tad or replace with a closed hi hat for the verses.
Vic
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Thanks for the feedback Vic. Sounds like the drums in general need some taming
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A nice sentiment, Owen. Enjoyed the listen.
(I'd lose the cymbal crashes altogether. This type song does not need them).
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I really enjoyed the tune. Very smooth mellow write. I agree the crashes and drums seemed out of place in parts, somewhat distracting from a real nice easy listen. Very enjoyable. I especially liked the chorus. From an arrangement standpoint, I thought the bridge may have come a bit too late.
Dave
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I may not have noticed the line about following in your footsteps had it not been pointed out but since it was... ...That idiom means to do the same thing as someone else and I don't think that's what you're trying to say, is it? How about something like: I can surely take a stand beside you...? Just a thought. Overall, a great sentiment, Owen. Ricki
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Great lyric Owen quite exceptional. Best of luck with an excellent song Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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@Floyd. Thanks, yes the consensus does seem to be to rework the drums and tone them down. I'll be working on that. @Gocart Moz Interesting point re the bridge. I think it has to come after a chorus to flow smoothly, but there is an option to put it after the first chorus. I'll think about. Thanks for the feedback! @Ricki You are correct about the meaning of the idiom, but I like the way it fits here, so I'm going to leave it as is. Sometimes wrong is right. I always appreciate your time and input though! @Travis Thank you! I'll take all the luck I can get
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Great write!
We thoroughly enjoyed listening.
J&B
PS FWIW, I think this song could use just sticks and no snare. It's a fine melody and it would seem the more open and airy the mix the better.
Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?" on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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Thanks Janice and Bud! I'll try that out
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