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#1143452 - 08/01/18 07:31 PM I'll be your friend  
Joined: Feb 2017
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RainyDayMan Offline
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RainyDayMan  Offline
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Stratford, Australia
Apologies for the hiss on this. I may need a new A/D interface. So this is definitely a scratch recording.

I'll be your friend
© 2018 Owen Hovenden

Link to music

The lord sets a burden on our shoulders
Sometimes it feels like more than we can bear
As the night closes in, and it gets colder
I'll be there

Brother won't you share your load with me
We'll carry it together till the end
And if I can't take the weight from your shoulders
I'll be your friend

Chorus:
I'll be your friend when the demons are calling
When the black dog is barking at your door
I'll be your friend when those voices say
You just can't take it anymore
I'll be your friend

Some friends have faltered by the wayside
Left you to struggle on your own
Just remember when your strength is at its ebb
You're not alone

I can surely follow in your footsteps
If I can't walk a mile in your shoes
Take my hand, help me understand
Your blues

CHORUS

Bridge:
Head hanging low like a man condemned
Hoping and a-praying for this pain to end
I'll be with you, broken or bent till the end


CHORUS

#1143460 - 08/02/18 09:15 AM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Hi Owen

I really enjoyed that. The message is strong and heartfelt. The short last line of each verse works well. As I've commented before, your voice peaks my interest - this time I was reminded of Bryan Ferry.

#1143462 - 08/02/18 09:48 AM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Gavin Sinclair Offline
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That's a very beautiful song. Moving lyrics and a melody to match.

A couple of observations...

In the line "When the black dog is barking at your door," you sing the last two words in a sort of jaunty clipped way. I think it would be better, more in keeping with the mood, if you stretched those words out. You might also think about going up instead of down there, just to add variety. I'm not sure about that - just a thought.

This is a lovely verse...
I can surely follow in your footsteps
If I can't walk a mile in your shoes
Take my hand, help me understand
Your blues

However, the image I get from "follow in your footsteps" is one where the person has already passed that way, is no longer present, and you are following some way behind. That's not in keeping with taking his/her hand. I think you want to be falling into step beside the person and walking beside him/her, matching his/her footsteps in real time, a comforting presence. Am I correct?

Unfortunately, despite some intensive brain wracking, I can't really come up with any brilliant suggestions. Best I can do is...

I can surely match your footsteps
or
I can accompany your footsteps

I wish I could do better. It's such a great image.

I really love this song.

#1143471 - 08/02/18 08:11 PM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: mikegouthro]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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Thanks Mike! Glad you enjoyed it. Honestly, I'm just happy if I can sing mostly in tune. smile

#1143472 - 08/02/18 08:14 PM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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Gavin, I see what you mean about the "barking at your door" line. That could work, going up and singing it out. I'll give it a try.

We have a different visual image about following in your footsteps. I see it more as immediately behind him, and therefore not in conflict - and, as you pointed out, it's hard to think of a viable alternative that keeps the general image. I'll see if others find that jarring, or whether it's more of a personal interpretation.

Appreciate the helpful advice! smile

#1143476 - 08/03/18 01:01 AM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Deej56 Online content
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Owen,

First off, the opening is very inviting; totally sets the mood and pulls the listener in. The vocal resonates—kinda fits the song nicely. And I really like the harmonies going on in the chorus. The one aspect I’d suggest revisiting is the percussion arrangement. Not sure if it’s the drums or somewhat attributed to the hiss you mention, but the high-hat on the drum kit doesn’t quite work for me—a bit distracting from the melody and at times a bit too much for me—so maybe something to revisit (use or lose).

But if this is a scratch recording . . . well, it’s better than what I could pull together most times—which is to say, very well done--you've got a sweet tune here!

BTW, I agree the lines “I can surely follow in your footsteps / if I can’t walk a mile in you shoes” are stunning. Great, great line. I get what Gavin is saying, but not sure I’d mess with it much. The sentiment comes through, and that’s really what matters (and, like Gavin, I’m at a loss for how you’d modify it).

Cool tune, Owen! Will wait to hear the next iteration!

All the best, buddy!

Deej

#1143481 - 08/03/18 06:06 AM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Thanks for the detailed feedback Deej! Might be the crashes in the drumkit that are overpowering. I can certainly turn those down. That's all midi driven samples, so no hiss there.

#1143504 - 08/03/18 02:53 PM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Calvin Online content
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Hello Owen,


A beautiful tune.
I really enjoyed this line.......

When the black dog is barking at your door


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1143511 - 08/03/18 10:48 PM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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Thanks Calvin! smile

#1143518 - 08/04/18 08:55 AM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Vicarn Online content
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Hi RainyDayMan

Nice write. The snare hit seems a little harsh and monotonous for such a soft song.
Maybe better tone it down a tad or replace with a closed hi hat for the verses.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

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#1143530 - 08/04/18 05:58 PM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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Thanks for the feedback Vic. Sounds like the drums in general need some taming smile

#1143564 - 08/05/18 02:17 PM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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floyd jane Offline
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A nice sentiment, Owen. Enjoyed the listen.

(I'd lose the cymbal crashes altogether. This type song does not need them).

#1143674 - 08/09/18 11:39 PM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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I really enjoyed the tune. Very smooth mellow write. I agree the crashes and drums seemed out of place in parts, somewhat distracting from a real nice easy listen. Very enjoyable. I especially liked the chorus. From an arrangement standpoint, I thought the bridge may have come a bit too late.

Dave

#1143700 - 08/10/18 02:01 PM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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I may not have noticed the line about following in your footsteps had it not been pointed out but since it was... smile...That idiom means to do the same thing as someone else and I don't think that's what you're trying to say, is it? How about something like: I can surely take a stand beside you...? Just a thought.

Overall, a great sentiment, Owen.

Ricki

#1143722 - 08/11/18 07:40 AM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Travis david Online content
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Great lyric Owen quite exceptional.
Best of luck with an excellent song
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1143793 - 08/12/18 08:07 PM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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@Floyd. Thanks, yes the consensus does seem to be to rework the drums and tone them down. I'll be working on that.

@Gocart Moz Interesting point re the bridge. I think it has to come after a chorus to flow smoothly, but there is an option to put it after the first chorus. I'll think about. Thanks for the feedback!

@Ricki You are correct about the meaning of the idiom, but I like the way it fits here, so I'm going to leave it as is. Sometimes wrong is right. I always appreciate your time and input though!

@Travis Thank you! I'll take all the luck I can get smile

#1143854 - 08/14/18 03:29 PM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Janice_and_Bud Offline
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Great write!

We thoroughly enjoyed listening.

J&B

PS FWIW, I think this song could use just sticks and no snare. It's a fine melody and it would seem the more open and airy the mix the better.


Check out our album Janice Merritt "All Over The Map"
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#1143897 - 08/16/18 02:54 AM Re: I'll be your friend [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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Thanks Janice and Bud! I'll try that out smile


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