Who's Online Now
20 registered members (Fdemetrio, Gavin Sinclair, couchgrouch, Dave Rice, Guy E. Trepanier, Everett Adams, ckiphen, Gary E. Andrews, 4 invisible), and 754 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
ejlawrence
ejlawrence
Greater Los Angeles
Posts: 257
Joined: June 2009
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Heavy Cross to Bear
by couchgrouch. 06/06/20 11:11 PM
Hint of Rosemary. Travis & Vic
by Gavin Sinclair. 06/06/20 10:13 PM
"Cry of the Young" VIDEO is done
by Martin Lide. 06/06/20 08:22 PM
Precious Moment
by Guy E. Trepanier. 06/06/20 07:34 PM
Complete
by ckiphen. 06/06/20 05:25 PM
Bad Education Soundtrack Songs...
by Fdemetrio. 06/06/20 02:00 PM
HOW TO COME UP WITH A HIT SONG
by Fdemetrio. 06/06/20 01:24 PM
TOO PERDY TO IGNORE
by Vicarn. 06/06/20 12:42 PM
Your Last Goodbye
by summeoyo. 06/06/20 10:25 AM
Need some help
by Mimmo. 06/06/20 10:22 AM
TOO PERDY TO IGNORE
by summeoyo. 06/06/20 09:58 AM
Harry Fox Agency...
by Dave Rice. 06/06/20 09:05 AM
Affordable High Quality Music Production
by Dave Rice. 06/05/20 05:27 PM
new track from the water boys
by John Paragreen. 06/05/20 04:57 PM
Artists Sell Your Music With Bitcoins
by Ray E. Strode. 06/05/20 03:06 PM
It's Not The Same
by Gerry. 06/05/20 11:43 AM
Are you a spender or a saver
by Ray E. Strode. 06/05/20 11:15 AM
Re- write The darker side of me
by John Paragreen. 06/05/20 07:16 AM
One Day (just not today)
by ckiphen. 06/04/20 10:40 AM
The song against crime and drug abuse-Delete
by MusicLand. 06/04/20 10:17 AM
The Dedicated Few (Narrated Version) video removed
by Roy Cooper. 06/04/20 03:37 AM
"Cry of the Young"
by Steve Altonian. 06/03/20 07:23 PM
Don't go to Memphis
by John Paragreen. 06/03/20 05:56 PM
For A Little Time More (Video)
by Martin Lide. 06/03/20 05:36 PM
12 Bar Blues(New Jersey)
by Fdemetrio. 06/03/20 05:31 PM
Everybody's blood is red
by John Paragreen. 06/03/20 05:28 PM
Because I Dream (ckiphen/Deej Collaboration)
by Deej56. 06/03/20 03:40 PM
The Walk of Time
by couchgrouch. 06/03/20 01:35 PM
Thank God there are Mountains
by Vicarn. 06/03/20 12:17 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,816
Travis david 11,811
Kevin Emmrich 10,645
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,600
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,845
glynda 8,675
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,909
couchgrouch 7,751
Dave Rice 7,627
Corey 7,357
Mark Kaufman 6,584
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Vicarn 6,452
ben willis 6,107
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
niteshift 5,679
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,666
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,376
Roy Cooper 4,222
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,104
nightengale 4,096
MFB III 3,921
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,814
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,580
E Swartz 3,481
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,832
MidniteBob 2,708
Nelson 2,603
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Fdemetrio 2,221
Wendy D 2,219
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,027
maccharles 1,988
DukeWill 1,988
floyd jane 1,983
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
Martin Lide 1,870
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
GocartMoz 1,521
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,471
Tom Franz 1,455
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
Deej56 1,256
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
Gerry 1,196
AaronAuthier 1,177
lane1777 1,162
Diane Ewing 1,158
summeoyo 1,153
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
IronKnee 986
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
90 dB 927
Jak Kelly 912
9ne 902
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
ant 747
Andy K 746
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 734
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Irwin 661
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
Pat Hardy 637
quality 637
Moosesong 635
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
JAPOV 563
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
R&M 516
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1143194 - 07/26/18 04:53 PM Dear John  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
9ne Offline
Top 500 Poster
9ne  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
N.E. of Toronto
New Version:

"Dear John" Copyright 2018-M.Healey

It seems so long since our first kiss
Life takes a leap we take the hit
We loved we lost it bit by bit
And now it's come to this
Dear John

I don't think that I could face
Lying to myself again today
We deal in hurt-we deal in pain
That's our problem why I say
Dear John

Dear John
Dear John
Dear John

We both know the way this works
What happens when the bubbles burst
I can't imagine trying to hurt
John it happened-in a word
Dear John

It's not like we never tried
That's old news like tear filled eyes
To find the good in this goodbye
We both know will take some time
Dear John

Dear John
Dear John
Dear John

Weary, blaming, choosing fault
We walk on glass afraid to fall
And unlike the best old break-up songs
This one ain't a sing along

That's gone
Dear John

Dear John
Dear John
Dear John

Old Version:

"Dear John" Copyright 2018-M.Healey

It seems so long since our first kiss
When life leaps we take the hit
We loved we lost it bit by bit
And now it's come to this
Dear John

I don't think that I could face
Lying to myself again today
We deal in hurt-we deal in pain
That's our problem why I say
Dear John

Dear John
Dear John
Dear John

We both know the way this works
What happens when the bubbles burst
I can't imagine trying to hurt
John it happened-in a word
Dear John

It's not like we never tried
That's old news like tear filled eyes
To find the good in this goodbye
We both know will take some time
Dear John

Dear John
Dear John
Dear John

Tired like a barroom brawl
Over, done, no need to stall
Everything has been resolved
No sin's left to be absolved

We can move on
Dear John

Dear John
Dear John
Dear John

I wish you all the best in life....

Last edited by 9ne; 08/23/18 10:04 AM.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1143277 - 07/28/18 10:28 AM Re: Dear John [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,580
beechnut79 Offline
Top 100 Poster
beechnut79  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,580
Villa Park IL
Is this a modern take on a classic country ballad of the same name which starts out: Dear John, oh how I hate to write?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMueKWzG0WE

This is the original version of that song. A remake by Skeeter Davis and Bobby Bare came out in the late 1960s.

#1143296 - 07/28/18 02:50 PM Re: Dear John [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
9ne Offline
Top 500 Poster
9ne  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
N.E. of Toronto
I wasn't aware of that song Beech. I just write-hopefully something good.
Thanks for reading!
-Mike


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1143393 - 07/30/18 10:27 PM Re: Dear John [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,256
Deej56 Offline
Top 200 Poster
Deej56  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,256
Mike,

I like what you have going here. Tough to really help much without the melody because it could all work pretty well in the right sound, mix, etc. That said, not sure "Tired like a bar room brawl" really works in the context of the song; and I do think that last stanza could use some tweaking--it seems to quick a resolution (which "resolved' suggests) in light of the prior verse ("will take some time").

Again, tough to really know without the music, so take the above with a big grain of salt.

All the best,

Deej

#1143509 - 08/03/18 08:15 PM Re: Dear John [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
9ne Offline
Top 500 Poster
9ne  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
N.E. of Toronto
I think you had a very valid reply Deej; thank you, I appreciate you reading!
I agreed with you, and I wiped the last verse out with extreme prejudice, (the POWER!) I put a bridge there instead. The new version is below.
Thanks again!
-Mike

"Dear John" Copyright 2018-M.Healey

It seems so long since our first kiss
Life takes a leap we take the hit
We loved we lost it bit by bit
And now it's come to this
Dear John

I don't think that I could face
Lying to myself again today
We deal in hurt-we deal in pain
That's our problem why I say
Dear John

Dear John
Dear John
Dear John

We both know the way this works
What happens when the bubbles burst
I can't imagine trying to hurt
John it happened-in a word
Dear John

It's not like we never tried
That's old news like tear filled eyes
To find the good in this goodbye
We both know will take some time
Dear John

Dear John
Dear John
Dear John

Weary, blaming, choosing fault
We walk on glass afraid to fall
And unlike the best old break-up songs
This one ain't a sing along

That's gone
Dear John

Dear John
Dear John
Dear John



http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1144099 - 08/23/18 09:40 AM Re: Dear John [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,811
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,811
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
I like your rewrite Mike why not post it above your initial posting?
I stumbled over the nation ball verse the new write works better
Cheers
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1144104 - 08/23/18 11:21 AM Re: Dear John [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
9ne Offline
Top 500 Poster
9ne  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
N.E. of Toronto
Thanks for the reply Travis, I posted the new version in my initial post. See? I do listen to you!
-Mike


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1144106 - 08/23/18 11:43 AM Re: Dear John [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,811
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,811
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Lol


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1144109 - 08/23/18 01:01 PM Re: Dear John [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,452
Vicarn Online content
Top 40 Poster
Vicarn  Online Content
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,452
UK
I like the concept.
No ambiguity here. Not sure how well this line works but it may iron out with the music:
"John it happened-in a word".

Good luck with it

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1144174 - 08/25/18 03:44 PM Re: Dear John [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
9ne Offline
Top 500 Poster
9ne  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
N.E. of Toronto
Thanks so much Vic! I'm writing the music; it started with an A blues, but that wasn't popping so I went with an A minor blues and it worked. The 3 and 4 lines repeat the same chords but there's a pause between the Em and the Dm where that line works.Got the chorus music and now on to the Bridge!
Thanks again!
-Mike


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1144366 - 09/01/18 09:54 AM Re: Dear John [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Offline
Top 50 Poster
Neil Cotton  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Good....nice use of near rhymes.

#1144369 - 09/01/18 10:11 AM Re: Dear John [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
9ne Offline
Top 500 Poster
9ne  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
N.E. of Toronto
Cotton's back in town! smile
Hey Neil, thanks so much for commenting!


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1144487 - 09/07/18 10:11 AM Re: Dear John [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Offline
Top 50 Poster
Neil Cotton  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
ya , kinda cooled off on the forums and the like...writing less, I think I know by now what works...besides it just for me mostly.

I am now the leader of our Rec. Centre band. Our Town is doing Cultural Days end of Sept. and the band is doing several of my songs about our town history and events. The band thinks the songs are good. That's all that matters.

Georgetown Will Always Be Home
Memorial Arena
The Barber Dynamo
The Ol' McGibby
The Pole
From His Seat On Our Town Bus.
Footprints Worn In Wood
When All Is Said and Done
My Home Town (of course LOL)
Light Up The Hills
Canada The Amalgamation.

Oh BTW, I released an album of my Tropical type tunes.
Canadian Bakin'
https://artists.cbcmusic.ca/artist/32054

#1144489 - 09/07/18 10:55 AM Re: Dear John [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
9ne Offline
Top 500 Poster
9ne  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 902
N.E. of Toronto
Well done Neil!


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1144644 - 09/14/18 06:51 AM Re: Dear John [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Offline
Top 50 Poster
Neil Cotton  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
We're part of Canada wide https://culturedays.ca/en


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
MusicLand, TerryM, Songbird52, FactionFx3, Marcel
21275 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics120,409
Posts1,132,636
Members21,275
Average Posts Daily33
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"Never accept no as an answer from someone not empowered to say yes in the first place." –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0