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#1141796 - 06/13/18 04:52 PM DAMN POETRY  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,896
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,896
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Damn poetry

It's not the wars that gets to me
it's that damn endless poetry
Penned by toffs with degrees
from outstanding English University's

Their words are simply sublime
tore their heart out for each line
But one thing we must understand
each poem comes gushing second hand

They try to get into a soldiers boots
dig a little at their humble roots
They talk about the common man
but it's knowledge second hand

They write a verse then have a nap
the pressure's turned off like a tap
Awake to a stiff whiskey Mac
then write of Tommy's taking flack

The final draft is a spiffing yarn
of course the hero's lost an arm
So he can't salute Major Potts
gets arrested, tried and shot

It's not the wars it's the poetry
stiff upper lips and dysentery
Upper class twit with the frills
who feels he needs to pay his bills not the wars, it's that damn poetry
----------'-'--------------------------------
It's not the wars that gets to me
it's that damn endless poetry
Penned by toffs with degrees
from outstanding English University's

Their words are simply sublime
tore their heart out for each line
But one thing we must understand
each poem comes gushing second hand

They try to get into a soldiers boots
dig a little at their humble roots
They talk about the common man
but it's knowledge second hand

They write a verse then have a nap
the pressure's turned off like a tap
Awake to a stiff whiskey Mac
then write of Tommy's taking flack

The final draft is a spiffing yarn
of course the hero's lost an arm
So he can't salute Major Potts
gets arrested, tried and shot

It's not the wars it's the poetry
stiff upper lips and dysentery
Upper class twit with the frills
who feels he needs to pay his bills


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1141882 - 06/15/18 10:54 AM Re: DAMN POETRY [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,381
beechnut79 Offline
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beechnut79  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,381
Villa Park IL
You have aptly described what song lyrics are--glorified poetry. Many songs have been writing from pure poetry I am sure. Recall a top hit from the early days of rock 'n roll describing the girl in his life as "Poetry in Motion"? That song reached number 1 on the charts yet would probably be considered too sexist for the current society's mindset.

#1141986 - 06/16/18 11:19 PM Re: DAMN POETRY [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 633
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 633
Travis,

I like the idea and the vibe you have going here. Not sure it rings as a song lyric to me; but it has the makings of a great poem. I might suggest pursuing it in that vein--though great verse makes great poetry or song, IMHO.

All the best,

Deej

#1142049 - 06/18/18 05:03 PM Re: DAMN POETRY [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,896
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,896
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Cheers Brian and Deej.
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1142073 - 06/19/18 12:56 PM Re: DAMN POETRY [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 22
fallendiva Offline
Casual Observer
fallendiva  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 22
Riverside, CA, USA
'Half a league, half a league, half a league onward...
I can see this as a patter type song. It's a great rebuttal to all those war songs like "No Man's Land" and "And The Band Played Waltzing Matilda." You have a knack for these types of songs!

Jo Nell

#1142085 - Yesterday at 02:12 AM Re: DAMN POETRY [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,896
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,896
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
I pist these from time to time not a hope that they will become a completed song though
Appreciate your comments Jo Nell
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1142101 - Yesterday at 01:48 PM Re: DAMN POETRY [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,648
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,648
UK
Hullo Travis.
Certainly poetry to my mind and potentially very good.
The thing that I feel needs more thought is the slight suggestion here that war poetry is written by non combatants.
This part:
"Penned by toffs with degrees from outstanding English University's. " seems a little harsh as many "toffs with degrees" gave their all.
Maybe you could change it to:
"Penned by those with clean boots and no muck on their suits", or something similar.

Keep at it.
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

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