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#1140773 - 05/15/18 11:24 AM SUMMER OF 76  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,962
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,962
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Summer of 76
V
Bus station sheltered us from showers
where we first met, that summers day
She'd long blonde hair, a red flower
me? One way ticket, to get away

v
America, on home made cassettes
sharing a rented house in Kings Cross
the smell of pass around cigarettes
disguised with sweet smelling joss
v
Befriended poets, dreamers by the score
tube buskers with handmade songs
sang for pennies until throats were sore
but paid for cheap wine all summer long

c
Remembering the summer of 76
over and over again
when our candles burnt both ends
putting one aside for absent friends

v
Someone said, it's the path to suicide
you're playing Russian Roulette
Our journey a roller coaster ride
together with people I'll never forget

v
London in the blistering city heat
when we loon danced in Russell Square
Playing drunken games of hide and seek
sweet magnolia blossoms on the air

Chorus
v
Our friend Big Ritchie drank far too much
so many demons in his head
He went to sleep, and didn't wake up
We put Hyde Park flowers on his bed
b
Summer ended abruptly as it appeared
I sat there alone
Bitter winds signalled autumn arrived
love had died now
it was time to go home.

c
Remembering the summer of 76
over and over again
when our candles burnt both ends
putting one aside for absent friends



Last edited by Travis david; 05/15/18 03:52 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1140808 - 05/16/18 02:20 PM Re: SUMMER OF 76 [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 550
Fdemetrio Offline
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Fdemetrio  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 550
Pretty cool Travis, think u have a good one here.

There's a response!

#1140812 - 05/16/18 05:59 PM Re: SUMMER OF 76 [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,962
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,962
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Lol i appreciate your visit and comments.
Cheers
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1140829 - 05/17/18 01:01 AM Re: SUMMER OF 76 [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 710
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 710
Travis,

There's so much I like about this one. I would offer up a few nits here and there, but I'm sure you'll nail those in future drafts (and if not, I'll chime in then). But I guess the big question I ask myself reading this, that I'm not sure is answered, is: "Why are you remembering the summer of 76?" That is, if in a bridge or later verse there's something that triggers why the singer is looking back, that might resonate more. For example, maybe it's the death of Big Ritchie that does that. Not sure it makes sense, but it might serve to pull this together. Offering it up for what it's worth.

Best regards,

Deej

#1140941 - 05/21/18 05:05 AM Re: SUMMER OF 76 [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,962
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,962
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Thanks Deej
I appreciate your comments and help
I did a rewrie of this and seemed to have mislaid it lol
So hopefully it might appear in the coming week!
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1140952 - 05/21/18 12:40 PM Re: SUMMER OF 76 [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,365
Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,365
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
a long way to the chorus and hook.
Thin it out, and focus on one thing that made it special/ most memorable
I'd start by dropping V2

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 05/21/18 12:43 PM.
#1141033 - 05/25/18 05:44 AM Re: SUMMER OF 76 [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,962
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,962
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Cheers Neil appreciate your comments and help


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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