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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113 |
Hello, everybody, good to be back after several years break. Thus is my newest lyric.
V1 I've slept in cheap rooms With no sheets and no bibles I've dabbled with demons That passed for disciples I've wallowed in self doubt And Mexican beer I followed some white lines Till I broke down here
V2 I don't have a road map Or itinerary There's only so much An old man can carry The engine stops running The wheels stops turning Then you start mourning The daylight you're burning
Chorus: This road has a shoulder It's letting me cry on Since there's not a soul here That I can rely on If wishes were horses This fool would be ridin Till I found another cheap room I can hide in
V3 The trash on the sidewalk Is telling a story Of pissed away dreams And unrealized glory It blows down the alley And rests in the corner And it keeps me wonderin What I was born for
Vs 4 If all I keep finding Are walls to impede me And blows from the hand That had promised to feed me I might as well walk back The way that I came And see if somebody remembers my name
Chorus: This road has a shoulder It's letting me cry on Since there's not a soul here That I can rely on If wishes were horses This fool would be ridin Till I found another cheap room I can hide in
Vs 5 My suitcase is empty My soul's wearing thinner There's regrets for breakfast And road dust for dinner I'm too broke for whiskey And too dry for cryin Maybe I'll find A cheap room I can die in
There are no more new frontiers.. We have got to make it here
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5
Top 25 Poster
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Top 25 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5 |
Hi ruby, welcome back. This is absolutely outstanding. You should be proud. Meter, imagery, rhymes, development, everything. Well done.
Last edited by couchgrouch; 05/03/18 02:25 PM.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Hi Ruby Good lyric well written for a suggestion I'd drop the two THE's in verse 2 and on the last line perhaps the other THE and try about or even 'bout Cheers Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113 |
Hi Robert! Good to see you again! Thank you so much for your kind words!
There are no more new frontiers.. We have got to make it here
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113 |
Thanks Travis, I will consider that!
There are no more new frontiers.. We have got to make it here
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 30
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 30 |
Wowsa! Great figurative language! It's a bleak story, but well done. The last lunch punches a pretty big wallop, so I wonder if just repeating the line "a cheap room I can hide in" instead would be more subtle and less overwhelming. Keep it up and keep posting - I'll be looking!!
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2 |
At one time there were a boatload of cheap rooms in many of our large cities but a vast number have been wiped out by both urban gentrification and public stigma. With the vast homeless problem I would think this would be the right time to revive the idea but developers seem to have a huge fetish for large single family homes. This could be a good anthem for those involved in fair and affordable housing activism.
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 1,441
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Aug 2001
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Nice! -Chuck
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
I love this lyric. The chorus reads like the verse but that's no problem with a melody change.
Vic
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2 |
The title grabbed me without even reading the whole thing. I myself have lived in cheap rooms most of my life mostly by my own choice so I can afford to do some other things in life. My current landlady just passed away a week ago today. Don't know yet what is going to happen but hope I don't have to make a move until after the winter has passed. I would very much like to see alternative housing such as rooming houses come back around, as it would alleviate much of the homeless program. This is an issue nobody seems to really want to address for one reason or another. Maybe your song can be put to use for this purpose.
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Rubysshoes,
Not sure how I missed this the first time around, but this is a killer lyric. Really, really well done. When do we get to hear it? I'll look forward to the day.
All the best,
Deej
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113 |
Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions! I've done a little rewriting on the last verse which I'll post later.. there was a conflict between the no crying in that verse and the crying in the chorus. I've been very ill with severe diverticulitis and had two surgeries since I posted this, but I'm recovering now and hope to be more active here again. Thanks again and talk to you soon!
There are no more new frontiers.. We have got to make it here
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,507
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,507 |
Hi Ruby, Hope you are on the mend, and posting great lyrics like this again! It's full of great lines.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831 |
Hi Ruby:
Welcome home. Interesting title and a pretty lengthy lyric... but you "weave" a captivating tale and I look forward to hearing the final version in the form of a song. I used to see Roger Miller at the old Nashville Airport and I mention it because this reminds me a bit of "Trailers for sale or rent... rooms to let, fifty cents..." which he performed so well.
Best wishes for success, ----Dave
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,385 Likes: 1 |
Hi, Ruby and all:
First off, Ruby, I hope all is well health-wise . . . we lose track of time and how fast it passes--it seems to me this lyric was so recent and yet your last post was almost a year and a half ago. And yet it speaks to the power of what you've written that I remembered it tonight and wondered why I never heard it set to music. It's among the best lyrics I've seen posted here in my time on JPF--deserving of a melody. I'm hoping someone takes it up . . . it needs to be heard.
Anyway, there are some wonderful lines to us writers to focus on and learn from . . . those first two lines in the chorus, for instance: the play on "shoulder". And the contrast of "regrets for breakfast" and "road dust for dinner". Very creative and resonating stuff.
Anyway, I hope you are out there Ruby and well. This is a beautiful bit of writing. Just wanted to give it a bump.
My best to you,
Deej
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113 |
Hi!
Wow, it was a thrill to see this email this morning. I was in the middle of a pretty serious illness at that time, had 3 surgeries. I am on the mend now, and writing like my head is on fire. Cheap Rooms busted through a very long block. I have some cognitive issues left over from surgery so I had forgotten I even posted it here! I have started a band called HillbillySwitch. We are in a fledgling state at the moment, but Cheap Room is on our set list. We haven't recorded her yet. But I do have an acapella version on video which I will share later today, and post some other newbies as well. Thanks for giving my brain a poke! I'll be back to annoy everybody 😁
There are no more new frontiers.. We have got to make it here
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113 |
Oh and Deej... I have seen some lyrics here that knocked me to the ground. Thank you for your kind, kind words. I am very proud of all my babies, but Cheap Rooms is special because it started me out on the path I'm on now. I'm humbled by your praise.
There are no more new frontiers.. We have got to make it here
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
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Posts: 113 |
@deej56, I have posted a rough acapella video in the video forum 😊
There are no more new frontiers.. We have got to make it here
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 2,143 Likes: 26 |
I love this lyric, Ruby. Do you have a recording of the song?
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 113 |
I posted an acapella version in the video forum 🙂
There are no more new frontiers.. We have got to make it here
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Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 169
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 169 |
Second song of yours I’ve read tonight. I love what you have done to both of them. Your lyrics are very well done and will inspire me to work harder. I’m going to listen to your acapella version. Keep on inspiring us.
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