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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Feb 2013
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Would love to hear your thoughts on my latest. Plan on adding some harmonies and back up vocals when I can figure out where and what. All thoughts good and bad appreciated. I realize it is a sad and long song. Hadn’t written one in awhile and this is what came out. https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/bring-me-homeBRING ME HOME(C)2018 David S. Becker Music Music & Lyrics by David S. Becker INTRO VERSE 1Everybody’s got to wait to see When they die will their soul fly free Will the pain be swept away Is it just a role in another play My heart keeps pumping way too fast I can’t find the breath to ask But I’ve got Hey I’ve got to know VERSE 2In the morning when I wake in light Tied to a drip with a nurse in white Please make my pain go away Just can’t last another day My head keeps spinning faster Please tell me what comes after Cause I’ve got Hey I’ve got to know CHORUSAnd will I be alone when I get there Or will you hold my hand like in my prayer Will he lead me to my father’s resting place And wipe that lonely aching burden from my face Bring me home And will you keep my wife and children safe Make their home a cherished happy place Can I look upon them every now and then I fear without them there’s a heart that will not mend Bring me home VERSE 3Thought that I could plan ahead This came upon me like a big code red I think of the things I missed Scratch them off my bucket list I can’t make this go away The agony is here to stay And I need I need to know VERSE 4I can’t stand that sterile stink No sleep not a single wink A constant beep from an IV pump Hair falls out in one large clump And I just can’t think clearly As the morphine drips so freely I need I need to know CHORUS (1st half only) BRIDGEThis will be peaceful A sympathetic way to end Such compassion I am surrounded by my friends I need to do this It’s the path that I must take Just give me one kiss Let me see my resting place I’m going home (spoken) SOLOCHORUS (2d half only)
Last edited by GocartMoz; 04/20/18 08:23 AM.
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Joined: Jun 2010
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It's working for me David. I like how the intro eases you into this very touching story. The guitar work is beautiful throughout and your vocal delivery is perfectly expressive.
Verse 4 really hits home… heartbreaking.
By the way the guitar solos are sweet and the production is solid.
Good to hear another gem from you. I look forward to hearing it with backup vocals, harmonies and the like.
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Joined: Apr 2002
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Hello Dave, Wow, you're such a talented guy, I'm impressed with the whole song, good job. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Joined: Jun 2011
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A poignant write Dave. The vocal is excellent as is the story line Nelson mentioned v4 which i also found very sad also. Great guitar work. Can't offer any changes as i think it faultless Cheers Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Feb 2005
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Just finished my listen, Mr. Becker... and I was impressed with "Bring Me Home." You ask questions in this song most of us don't have the courage to bring up... and, to me, that is not a bad thing. We've all felt it... or at least, i have. It does not "shake my faith" or cause me to rise up in righteous indignation. I am reminded of "Doubting Thomas"... and doubting can be a good thing.
This is one of the most memorable songs I've heard recently and, other than being a bit long... it works perfectly for me, music, lyric, vocal, recording. Well done, my friend. ----Dave
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Gocart,
Nice drums and bass from the start, with that bit of organ backing . . . just pulls you right in. Great vocal and nice pacing that keeps the song moving. I’m not one to hold a song’s length against it. IMHO, a great song doesn't stop being great simply because it crosses some imaginary line in time. For me, it’s whether the song keeps you engaged throughout . . . and this one does.
Really wonderfully done—cool listen from start to finish. Depth and heart on this one. Good luck with it.
Kindest regards,
Deej
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@Nelson ... Thx Nelson. Always appreciate your comments and thoughts.
@Calvin ... Thx Calvin. Appreciate the listen and your compliments. Hope we have some good Florida weather this weekend!
@Travis ... Thx as always for giving this a spin. Love your recent post with Michael.
@David ... Thx as always for giving this a listen. Always appreciate hearing your thoughts.
@Deej ... Thx for the listen as well. I usually like shorter tunes, but this one was difficult to edit down. I wanted a little of everything in it ... intro, bridge, solo, etc.
Thx again,
Dave
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Dave,
Wow, these lyrics are "in your face," but the music and vocal performance deals with their harsh reality superbly. Not easy to pull off a long song and keep one's interest, but you succeeded with me. Well done in all respects. I can hear where you'll add some subtle harmonies--which will also give you more build in places!
Loved it!
steady-eddie
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Dave,
This is nicely done. The song itself hits you like a punch to the chest. A good write.
The production is your best ever (that I have heard). Very even and balanced - nicely arranged - interesting to the ear throughout.
The guitar is nice - but definitely a bit too loud. This production is really balanced otherwise - that solo deserves to "fit" into that, too...
Super playing throughout.
fj
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@Eddie ... thx much for the thoughts and listen. Always appreciated.
@ Floyd .... listened to this in the car on the way home from work today and man are you right. I assume you were referring to the electric guitars panned right and left in the bridge as being too loud. They were blaring in the car. Didn’t hear it in my headphones and studio monitors but sure did in the car. They are coming down. Lead guitar in solo also sounded too loud on the car stereo. Need to mess around with bridge and solo section for sure. Always appreciate the listen. Thanks again.
Dave
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Dave
This one of your best songs--5 Stars!
Write on
Mackie
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Pretty awesome piece of work as is, Dave, all around. The only thing I'd think about lyrically is in regards to the chorus. Because it's so long, what if you use just the first half after V1 & 2, then the second half after V3 & 4? And at the end of the bridge, if you ended with "bring me home", maybe you wouldn't need to repeat the chorus again at all? Just a thought. Well done.
Ricki
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@Mackie ... Thx much for giving it a spin Mackie. Much appreciated. Glad you liked it.
@Ricki ... thx much Ricki. Great idea. I will definately play around with that edit idea. Always appreciate your thoughts.
Thx again ,
Dave
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Joined: Jan 2018
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Hi Dave,
A tasteful treatment of a delicate theme. Love the lyrics and the backing. Your voice flows beautifully throughout the song. The verses appeal to me in particular. A bit more definition on the vocal in the bridge certainly.
Cheers.
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"This is nicely done. The song itself hits you like a punch to the chest. A good write."
floyd said it well. Strong stuff here. The lyric, the vocal and the guitar all just scream "heartfelt with soul."
And that puts it right in the J&B wheelhouse.
I could not imagine tackling a lyric like that...the imagery is to quote floyd again punch you in the chest vivid.
The mix sounded good on our monitors...we'll listen this evening on the bigger living room system. We also tend to hear mix anomalies more often in the vehicle. Dunno why that is.
In summary and as an old bandmate used to say "that song is as strong as a garlic milkshake!"
Well done!
J&B
Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?" on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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Powerful write, Dave. Yeah, we don't think about it - until we do. No interpreting to be done here - just one strong image after another. Love the atmospheric intro. Solid vocals too. It all hangs together. Scott
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@Rich - Thx much for the listen and comments.
@ Janice and Bud ... Thx as well for the listen and comments. I brought down the guitatrs in the bridge quite a bit and listened in the car today. I like the mix better. I think? Always second guess myslelf on this stuff. Also reduced the extreme pan on the trippy guitars in the bridge and added some add'l vocals in the second chorus. Working on an idea for b/v's in 2d verse but can't seem to execute it the way I want just yet.
@Scott ... thx as well for the comments and listen. It is greatly appreciated. Love your video (just watched).
Dave
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@ Floyd .... listened to this in the car on the way home from work today and man are you right. I assume you were referring to the electric guitars panned right and left in the bridge as being too loud. They were blaring in the car. Didn’t hear it in my headphones and studio monitors but sure did in the car. They are coming down. Lead guitar in solo also sounded too loud on the car stereo. Need to mess around with bridge and solo section for sure. Always appreciate the listen. Thanks again.
Dave
To be clear, Dave.... I was referring specifically to the solo guitar (I thought the rest were fine). Looking back, I see that was not clear in my post....
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Really a good song, Dave. I wrote a free-verse poem, called "the other side..and like this song it was emotional like this song is. it will fill the song out when you add the harmonies, but I don`t mind it the way it is to tell you the truth. thats just me though. enjoyed the listen and that lead guitar in this too. Lane
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Beautiful intro, really sets up the atmosphere and leads gently into v1. I think your verses are really tight. It's difficult subject matter, but you keep it intimate without getting maudlin. The chorus seems to relax dynamically. The chord progression there is more complex and to me lacks a little punch. I think it ought to be the most poignant and heart twisting part of the song, but for me it was more like a break from the tension of the verses. You've executed it very well, but I'm not sure it's the best choice for that part.
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@Floyd ... thx for the clarification. I remixed the bridge section, including the lead guitar!
@lane .... thx much for the listen and comments. Greatly appreciated.
@Rainy Day Man ... thx as well. Good point on the chorus. Appreciate the comments.
Dave
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