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#1138854 - 03/20/18 05:53 AM Moving down the line  
Joined: Feb 2017
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RainyDayMan Offline
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Stratford, Australia
Moving down the line
© 2018 Alan Evans & Owen Hovenden

Link to music

Heading down that old railway track
No turning around ain't looking back
Seen all of the sights in this old town
Now it's time to be moving down the line

Know all the hookers working the streets
All the card schools hidden away
All the musos playing their beats
I'm going today moving down the line

I've been hanging here much too long
Lucks run dry now its all gone wrong
Bottle's empty and my chips are gone
Time to walk before I gotta run

Know all the hookers working the streets
All the card schools hidden away
All the musos playing their beats
I'm going today moving down the line

Got a stack of marks that I cant pay
Aint got a dollar to my name
Some bruiser's gonna hunt me down
Know for sure I ain't sticking around

Know all the hookers working the streets
All the card schools hidden away
All the musos playing their beats
I'm going today moving down the line

Heading down that old railway track
No turning around ain't looking back
Seen all of the sights in this old town
Now it's time to be moving down the line

#1138857 - 03/20/18 06:36 AM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,257
Vicarn Online content
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Hi Rainy day man.

Before I listened to this, reading the lyric, I was humming the "Ghost of Tom Joad" in my head.
Then of course it turned out completely different.

If I may offer a suggestion:
While I like lyrics that tell of a life on the run, why not change the last verse to one about redemption and where he's running to.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

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#1138864 - 03/20/18 07:19 AM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Travis david Offline
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Lyrically another great write RDM
I like Vic's suggestion on this as well
Good song. Best of luck with it
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1138870 - 03/20/18 10:44 AM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Alanjack Offline
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You've done a good job on this one Owen, nice work.


Just a writer of words
#1138874 - 03/20/18 04:34 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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Thanks guys! My co-writer Alan was responsible for most of the lyric on this one so the credit goes to him.

@Vicarn I'll talk with Alan about that. My initial reaction is that he isn't running to anywhere, he's running from his misdeeds and the direction doesn't really matter. But in terms of song progression it's worth more thought.

#1138883 - 03/21/18 04:16 AM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Calvin Offline
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Hello Owen / Alan,


Very enjoyable and a with a cool style !
Thanks for this mornings entertainment.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1138909 - 03/21/18 07:42 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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The music makes this a very cool, moody piece, Owen. Lyrically, it's appropriately dark as well. Just a suggestion: I'd start the song with V2, the life he's living, then follow with the next verse about why he's got to get out, then end it with the hopping the train verse. Starting the song with him leaving and then repeating it at the end is a little anticlimactic and redundant. Just my 2 cents. Great feel to this one.

Ricki

#1138914 - 03/21/18 10:32 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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@Calvin Glad you enjoyed it smile

@ Ricki Interesting idea. Definitely worth considering.

Thank you both!

#1138981 - 03/23/18 05:20 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Hey Owen,

I liked the lyric and your vocal delivery of the song. After the 2nd chorus I was kinda hoping to hear a new section, maybe a Bridge, but that's just me always thinking more along the lines of commercialism. I find it hard to critique sometimes because I don't know what the writer wants to do with his/her song...is it to pitch for country cuts or is it just writing for themselves etc. Enjoyed listening to your song.

#1139007 - 03/24/18 04:40 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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Thanks for the feedback Germain. smile I don't see this one as a commercial track. It could be part of an album but it won't ever be the title track! I write for enjoyment and can therefore ignore the rules! Doesn't mean I don't want to improve the song. It just doesn't have to follow a standard format.

#1139015 - 03/24/18 11:57 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Deej56 Offline
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Owen,

I like the sound of this one—cool harmony on the chorus on “moving down the line”; it jumps out at you.

Vic has an interesting idea about revisiting the last verse, but I’m not sure it should be about redemption. Maybe, though, about looking more ahead; that is, rather than looking back, looking forward to the next town, perhaps with some hope of things being better (though he knows he’s somewhat kidding himself). Not sure that makes sense, but just an add on to Vic’s suggestion.

But this is just fine as is—a cool, dark mellow. (BTW, nice add on the train whistle at the end—sweet)!

All the best,

Deej

#1139029 - 03/25/18 12:11 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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FWIW, we feel that redemption would be somewhat contrary to the story as established in multiple verses. Perhaps too sudden.

We like it and the somewhat haunting feel all through. If you guys ever have the opportunity to do a more full production we think an instrumental build throughout would be very effective. Nothing too busy or overwrought just the introduction of different tracks as the song progresses.

We enjoyed it...the write and the performance!

J&B


Check out our album Janice Merritt "All Over The Map"
on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora and others.
#1139036 - 03/25/18 07:50 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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@Deej56. Thanks Deej! I'm happy with that harmony too.

@Janice & Bud. I think I see what you mean with the instrumental build. I don't think it will ever get to production quality but I might see what I can do with it myself.

I've been trying out Ricki's suggestion, and I think starting with "I've been hanging here much too long" works pretty well. It means the last verse isn't a repeat. The first verses tell you why he is moving on and the last verse sees him doing it, so I think I'll run with that.

#1139047 - 03/26/18 08:56 AM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Dave Rice Offline
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Texas
Hi Owen and Alan:

I really like the direction this song takes. A bit dark but in songwriting, there are no rules. Only judgement after listening. Most of us don't get past the first twenty seconds... LOL! ...but this one clearly does. I valued the melody a bit higher than the lyric but both are good. My advice would be to haul it back to the hanger, break out some "fire-water" and give it some tweaking... mostly by considering variations on the "hookers" portion of the song... it tends to be a bit weary on the ears after three repeats. Bud is right about the "build" as the song progresses.

Thanks for sharing and best of luck with your music. ----Dave

#1139067 - 03/26/18 05:55 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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Cheers Dave!

#1139426 - 04/06/18 05:52 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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Alan and I have been trying out different versions of this. Dropping or re-arranging verses, different lyrics etc. We haven't reached a conclusion on that yet!

I've also been trying to build the song as it goes by adding piano and organ accompaniment. Not my forte, but thanks to the wonders of Band in a Box and the keyboard skills of a good friend, have been able to add that to the mix. Kicks in around 1 min 08, so I thought I would share that with you.

Link to music

#1139436 - 04/07/18 09:49 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Alan & Owen,

Very cinematic (lyrically) and atmospheric (musically). Enjoyed the listen. It is captivating - I "got lost" in it.

The touches of piano and organ work well.

fj

#1139495 - 04/10/18 10:23 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Rainy Day Man,

If Jim Morrison were alive today, he might sound a little like you. This sounds "Dooresk" to me. It has a very cool vibe, nice write, nice performance! (Love the ending train whistle)

steady-eddie

#1139503 - 04/10/18 11:39 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: E Swartz]  
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Mackie H. Offline
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NASHVILLE, TN
Owen

I like the sound of this song--For some reason it reminds me of MIDNIGHT IN MONTGOMERY--but just a hint in that groove--Interesting==

Write on brother!

Mackie

#1139504 - 04/11/18 12:10 AM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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RainyDayMan Offline
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Thanks for the listen and the comments fj, steady-eddie and Mackie H smile

#1139584 - 04/12/18 06:19 PM Re: Moving down the line [Re: RainyDayMan]  
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Alanjack Offline
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A lot of positive comments Owen nice music once again.


Just a writer of words

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