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#1137898 - 02/26/18 11:58 AM Missing in action  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Alanjack Offline
Serious Contributor
Alanjack  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Missing in action

He went on a mission in a far off land
In merciless heat all covered in sand
He vanished from sight in the vast dry sea
God please send back my soldier to me

He went off to fight a war unplanned
Sent by people who don’t understand
He’s just a number not even a name
He’s just a pawn in a political game

Under the sand there lies black gold
The reason why some will never get old
It’s no reason that one soldier should die
Maybe we should all be asking why

Please search the desert the huge sandy sea
Try to find my soldier for me
He went off to fight in that far away land
Now you have lost him
In those vast seas of sand.

He went on a mission in a far off land
In merciless heat all covered in sand
He vanished from sight in the vast dry sea
God please send back my soldier to me


Just a writer of words
#1137929 - 02/26/18 08:45 PM Re: Missing in action [Re: Alanjack]  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,513
Fdemetrio Online content
Top 200 Poster
Fdemetrio  Online Content
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,513
I think you have to watch your meter. It reads kind of sing songy, which the subject matter doesn't seem like it. And needs emotion, somebody who is really looking for somebidy Mia in war, is going to sound very broken, this reads cheery and happy.

Even though the words don't say it, the rhythm of the words say something else.

Think about the pain somebody would be feeling, imagine never seeing somebody you love again, imagine trying to plead with the government to find this person, and the helplessness you'd feel

It's a good idea just not emotional enough. But the right music could change it too. my 2 cents

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 02/26/18 08:46 PM.

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