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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 162
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2016
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Looking for some feedback on this lyric.
Song - Sad Blue Eyes.
Verse #1 When will you stop your cryin', (7) You look so sad and blue. (6) Life, has so much joy to offer, (8) Someone, as beautiful as you. (8)
Lift Has your heart been broken, As you’re cryin' all the time.
Chorus Has love gone on vacation, And left you, for sometime. Has your heart forgotten, The joys, that makes it, Give those special sighs. The ones that'll put a smile back in, Those sad blue eyes.
Verse #2 When love, comes back to visit, (7) Just make it feel at home. (6) So it doesn't need to wander, (8) And leave your tender heart alone. (8) Lift Has your heart been broken, As you’re crying all the time ?
Chorus Has love gone on vacation, And left you, for sometime. Has your heart forgotten, The joys, that makes it, Give those special sighs. The ones that'll put a smile back in, Those sad blue eyes.
Bridge Don’t be afraid anymore, And wipe away your tears, For love will come, And melt away your fears. Instrumental Chorus Has love gone on vacation, And left you, for sometime. Has your heart forgotten, The joys, that makes it, Give those special sighs. The ones that'll put a smile back in, Those sad blue eyes. Yes, the ones that'll put a smile back in, Those sad blue eyes.
Copyright © 2018. Ross James Mabey. Written as a poem by Ross James Mabey. 26th July, 2006. Rewritten as a song February 14th-15th 2018.
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
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Just a writer of words
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Joined: Nov 2016
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Hi Alan,
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Ross.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 1,082
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Good hook. Too vague of a story, pretty generic. We all feel this way at times and we all understand the sentiment but, I think you need to be more creative in telling "a story" add times and places and people and things that can correlate around the sentiment.
Thanks for sharing. Good luck.
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 162
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Thanks Joro.
I will have another look at it.
Ross.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2
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I don't know if I agree with the other posters here. I tend to feel that the piece is OK as is. If you do a rewrite perhaps you could encourage her/him to keep her/his own fire going and looking outside him/herself.
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Joined: Nov 2016
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Thank you Beechnut79. I started to rewrite it but got carried away.
I think that some minor changes is the way to go.
Last edited by RossM; 02/24/18 03:30 PM.
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Joined: Nov 2016
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How is this? I must admit not much thought went into this . Song - Sad Blue Eyes.
Verse #1 I heard the welfare people, (7) Are threatening, to take your kids away. (10) They say you can’t control them, (8) They’re creating havoc, down in LA. (10)
Lift I know your heart’s been broken, And you feel like cryin' all the time.
Chorus You feel that love, Has gone on vacation, And left you, for sometime. Has your heart forgotten, The joys, that makes it, Give those special sighs. The ones that'll put a smile back in, Those sad blue eyes.
Verse #2 You’ll have to negotiate, (7) Let us hope, that you can work it all out. (10) Once their minds are set, say goodbye, (8) I’ve heard those guys, don’t like to play about. (10)
Lift I know your heart’s been broken, And you feel like cryin' all the time.
Chorus You feel that love, Has gone on vacation, And left you, for sometime. Has your heart forgotten, The joys, that makes it, Give those special sighs. The ones that'll put a smile back in, Those sad blue eyes.
Bridge When love comes back to visit, Make it feel at home. So it doesn't need to wander, And leave your tender heart alone. Don’t be afraid anymore, And wipe away your tears, For love will melt away your fears.
Instrumental
Chorus You feel that love, Has gone on vacation, And left you, for sometime. Has your heart forgotten, The joys, that makes it, Give those special sighs. The ones that'll put a smile back in, Those sad blue eyes.
Copyright © 2018. Ross James Mabey. Written as a poem by Ross James Mabey. 26th July, 2006. Rewritten as a song February 14th-15th 2018.
Last edited by RossM; 02/25/18 02:54 AM.
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 162
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Have posted a new set of lyrics. for Song Chelsea. So if there are no other comments for this song will close it off.
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