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#8908 - 03/12/01 09:39 AM Shooting Stars  
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27
Doc Offline
Casual Observer
Doc  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27
Plattsburgh, New York, USA
Tony was a promising actor
The critics all said he'd go far
Now he's 42, a drunk, broke and screwed
Just another has-been shooting star

Bobby was a gritty musician
Producers all said he'd go far
But he o.d.'d at a ripe 23
And became another shooting star

Warhol had his fifteen minutes
George Burns had some 80 years
There's something irresistable
About public-eye careers
Well, money's like a good whiskey
And fame is an open bar
But life is such that fate's the crutch
That cripples a shooting star

Lila was a beautiful model
Photographers all said she'd go far
But they cut her down when she put on 5 pounds
And made her another shooting star

Michael was a playground legend
The coaches all said he'd go far
But busted again, and back in the pen
Another "could have been" shooting star

Warhol had his fifteen minutes
George Burns had some 80 years
There's something irresistable
About public-eye careers
Well, money's like a good whiskey
And fame is an open bar
But life is such that fate's the crutch
That cripples a shooting star

[This message has been edited by Doc (edited 03-12-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Doc (edited 03-12-2001).]

#8909 - 03/12/01 11:32 AM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,918
Sharon Longworth Offline
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Sharon Longworth  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,918
Stuart, FL
Hi Doc....some real truth in these verses. This is a good song...it flows well. The only problem I had was the use of the word "like" twice in the chorus. I'm sure you could change one of those with no problem....George Burns had 'bout 80 years...or some such thing. Keep writing and posting! [Linked Image]

#8910 - 03/12/01 12:44 PM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3
PL Offline
Casual Observer
PL  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3
Grand Junction, Co 81501
I like it. Not good enough yet myself yet to crituque it, but I'd say you have a winner here. Keep it up


Blake Betts
#8911 - 03/12/01 02:57 PM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 37
Matthew Miller Offline
Casual Observer
Matthew Miller  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 37
Salem, Arkansas, USA
Doc,
This is one of the best songs I've seen.
Keep tweaking it, but don't change anything major. I love it, I just wish I had written it. Awesome stuff, man.

Matthew

#8912 - 03/12/01 03:19 PM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27
Doc Offline
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Doc  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27
Plattsburgh, New York, USA
Thanks Sunny, PL, and Matthew. I appreciate the input. You're right, Sunny. I changed one of the "like"s in the chorus. I wrote this one in about 45 minutes early this morning while in bed, so I didn't catch that. Thanks again, folks.

#8913 - 03/12/01 08:27 PM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,232
Judy Hollier Offline
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Judy Hollier  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,232
Sydney, Australia
Hi Doc, gee this is different and really flows nicely, great writing, hope we see more. Love "Well, money's like a good whiskey And fame is an open bar". Judy

#8914 - 03/12/01 08:46 PM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 86
Tom Picard Offline
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Tom Picard  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 86
Rahway NJ USA
Good stuff! I second that "open bar" line...brilliant. I'm not sure about having the second line of each verse virtually identical. Sometimes this kind of device can tie things together nicely, but sometimes it can become annoying and I feel like you're right on the line here with this one. I guess it would depend on the music whether this works for you or against you in this piece. Anyway, I like your concept and I like the little vignettes and the references to Warhol and George Burns. Nice work!

------------------
Capt. Tom-Luc


Capt. Tom-Luc
#8915 - 03/12/01 11:35 PM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Kaley Willow Offline
Kaley Willow  Offline

Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
PA
Hi...Doc

This was really great...chimin in late...
but well written and wanted to tell you.

Welcome

Kaley

#8916 - 03/13/01 12:57 AM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,389
Corky Bernard (D) Offline
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Corky Bernard (D)  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,389
Nashville, Tn.
Doc,

the last two lines of your chorus are one of the best damn couplets I've read in a while.

Fine job.

dawg


Wisdom does not always accompany age. Sometimes
age just shows up alone.
#8917 - 03/13/01 03:01 AM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 165
Karla Offline
Serious Contributor
Karla  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 165
Nashville, TN
What dawg said. [Linked Image]


If you don't like your reality~~change it.
#8918 - 03/13/01 03:19 AM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 2,125
Idamarie Naelitz (D) Offline
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Idamarie Naelitz (D)  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 2,125
Lorain, Ohio, USA
Oh Yea, Good words here. Those last four lines do it all for me. Why didn't I think of that. Fate gave them to you, now run with them. Should be a hit. Idamarie

#8919 - 03/13/01 11:54 AM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 286
Char Offline
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Char  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 286
Atl. Ga.
Hi Doc,
Really nice writing here! Love that chorus!

#8920 - 03/13/01 10:17 PM Re: Shooting Stars  
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27
Doc Offline
Casual Observer
Doc  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27
Plattsburgh, New York, USA
Thank you everyone for the kind words. Tom--yeah, I'm still not too sure about the second line in each of the verses. I guess I'll see how its sounds when I put music to it.

#1122553 - 01/15/17 06:34 PM Re: Shooting Stars [Re: Doc]  
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Jim Colyer Offline
Top 30 Poster
Jim Colyer  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Nashville, Tennessee usa
George Burns and Bob Hope made it to 100.

Kirk Douglas and Olivia de Haviland are 100 and still kicking as I type.

#1122981 - 01/21/17 06:16 PM Re: Shooting Stars [Re: Doc]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 245
John Paragreen Offline
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John Paragreen  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 245
Scotland
nice write,
all the best,john


please vist
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=429802
to hear my lyrics recorded by musicians world wide
#1137088 - 02/14/18 01:17 AM Re: Shooting Stars [Re: Doc]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,809
Brian Austin Whitney Offline
Brian Austin Whitney  Offline

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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,809
Indianapolis, IN USA
What's up Doc?


Brian Austin Whitney
Founder
Just Plain Folks
jpfolkspro@aol.com
Skype: Brian Austin Whitney
Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks

"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney

"It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..."

[Linked Image]
#1137099 - 02/14/18 06:37 AM Re: Shooting Stars [Re: Doc]  
Joined: Feb 2018
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Alanjack Offline
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Alanjack  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Too many gone the way of the rapid downward spiral, some self inflicted some driven by influences beyond their control your story touches on the ills of the rising and quickly falling stars that fill the media with endless tales of woe to feed an endless demand for tales of the celebrity.


Just a writer of words
#1137100 - 02/14/18 06:37 AM Re: Shooting Stars [Re: Doc]  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Alanjack Offline
Serious Contributor
Alanjack  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Too many gone the way of the rapid downward spiral, some self inflicted some driven by influences beyond their control your story touches on the ills of the rising and quickly falling stars that fill the media with endless tales of woe to feed an endless demand for tales of the celebrity.


Just a writer of words
#1137441 - 02/19/18 08:41 AM Re: Shooting Stars [Re: Doc]  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 1,081
joro Offline
Top 500 Poster
joro  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 1,081
Massachusetts,USA
Good structure - solid rhyme
Bad Company did a tune called "Shooting Star" and it was a similar story
I like how you incorporated all different "celebrity" categories.

Good luck, thanks for sharing


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