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#1132201 - 11/07/17 03:30 PM When Blue Turns To Gray  
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 550
Fdemetrio Offline
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Fdemetrio  Offline
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Purple Balloons hangin on air
styro foam cups and plates on a chair
selfies and smiles tacked to a cube
echoes of laughter the night's interlude

Twas Somebody's birthday
A day shift hooray!
I'm here through midnight
when blue turns to gray

A silk haired latina toes through the aisle
vacuums the crumbs and gives me a smile
empties the bag then poof she be gone
a row of flourencents now one's only on

Twas somebody's birthday
now aint that the way
I listen to B. B.
till blue turns to gray

When blue turns to gray
it's 4 am
and the deer look for something to hit
When blue turns to gray
radio host talks "anything goes"
the moonlight a silvery spit

Twas somebody's big day
A day shift Hoorah,
I work through midnight
When blue turns to gray


Last edited by Fdemetrio; 11/07/17 03:30 PM.
#1132611 - 11/19/17 01:51 PM Re: When Blue Turns To Gray [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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Moosesong Offline
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Vacaville, CA, USA
I like the phrase 'when blue turns to grey'. I'm not quite sure what it means, but it has a ring to it. The imagery and words are very nice. It paints a beautiful scene from what would be an ordinary routine. very nice.

another line I really liked but could not figure out how it fits in...
The deer look for something to hit.


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#1132647 - 11/20/17 11:14 AM Re: When Blue Turns To Gray [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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beechnut79 Offline
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Villa Park IL
The line about the deer may refer to being somewhat careless and running into a car. So far I count myself lucky that said collision has never happened to me. My interpretation of the song's title is when one is sailing along nicely and some earth-shattering event causes life to come crashing down. It could something personal such as a relationship or a job's sudden end, or something more universal such as the 9-11 attacks. Perhaps you could come up with a sequel, one where now that you've begun to digest what these new adaptations to lefe mean to you, you'll begin to grasp what needs to be dismantled and what needs to be rebuilt.

#1132657 - 11/20/17 11:51 AM Re: When Blue Turns To Gray [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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Fdemetrio Offline
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Thanks Moosesong and Beechnut,

Over the summer I was working a contract position in an office complex. So one night I was counting the hours and decided to look around a bit, and started writing.

Literally, it's a blue sky going in, then it turns black, then early morn it's grey.

Figuratively,, the work night gets worse as time passes, and feeling blue, as in the blues, still feels like something. Gray, as in nothingness, doesn't feel like anything.

On the drive home, when it's that early, you encounter a lot of deer, and they tend to run out in front of your car. As if to say that the deer are saying that you don't belong here, this is our time and our turf, what are you doing here at this hour? a bit hyperbole I guess.

The jist of it is its about isolation, somehow missing out on the rest of the world.

Guess it requires some inside info, but I'm not submitting this to Nashville!!

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 11/20/17 11:51 AM.
#1132766 - 11/24/17 12:24 PM Re: When Blue Turns To Gray [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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Posts: 3,407
beechnut79 Offline
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Villa Park IL
Don't know if you are a performer yourself, but that would make a great intro as to where the song came from. I always look for this when I go out to listen to music, which sadly isn't very often these days. All the debt I have accumulated over the years has led me to feel a tad bit overwhelmed.

#1137119 - 02/14/18 09:15 AM Re: When Blue Turns To Gray [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Alanjack Offline
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Alanjack  Offline
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A night time security guards view on the day is how it struck me, I like it, tells a real tale.


Just a writer of words
#1137120 - 02/14/18 09:15 AM Re: When Blue Turns To Gray [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Feb 2018
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Alanjack Offline
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Alanjack  Offline
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A night time security guards view on the day is how it struck me, I like it, tells a real tale.


Just a writer of words
#1137437 - 02/19/18 08:18 AM Re: When Blue Turns To Gray [Re: Fdemetrio]  
Joined: Jul 2001
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joro Offline
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joro  Offline
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Massachusetts,USA
Structure is good - rhymes work,
I also like the line" When blue turns to grey" I was expecting a more historical reference.
I really thought this was going to be a Civil War tune by the title / hook

a couple of things I think are problematic are" I listen to B. B." and " the moonlight a silvery spit"
I listen to B. B. is vague
the moonlight a silvery spit - archaic terminology

otherwise pretty solid,

Good luck, thanks for sharing


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