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#1136887 - 02/12/18 08:04 AM The devil may tread  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 102
Alanjack Offline
Serious Contributor
Alanjack  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 102
The devil may tread

Don't like those days that end in a Y
pain in my head I so wanna cry
I thought today I'd wake up dead
I've been to places the devil won't tread

one more drink and I'll be okay
thats what I tell myself to say
just one nip to keep out the cold
its a story that many have told

oh these lies no-one believes
even myself I can't deceive
just one more til the bottles done
another day that the devils won

tomorrows just another day
another bottle in the same old way
maybe then I'll wake up dead
in a place where the devil may tread

CopyrightAlanEvans29012017


Just a writer of words
#1136944 - 02/12/18 12:54 PM Re: The devil may tread [Re: Alanjack]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,277
Neil Cotton Online content
Top 100 Poster
Neil Cotton  Online Content
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,277
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
A common theme in country music...it's good, not great...because it is common, look for a new way of saying it...maybe in story with details.

Or keep as is. The music may make it killer.


http://www.myspace.com/neilcotton http://upickedcotton.tripod.com/neil
#1137009 - 02/13/18 05:12 AM Re: The devil may tread [Re: Alanjack]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,576
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,576
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Quite a good story. I'd drop the wake up dead line it's been done to death.

Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1137012 - 02/13/18 05:31 AM Re: The devil may tread [Re: Alanjack]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,408
Brian Austin Whitney Offline
Brian Austin Whitney  Offline


Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,408
Indianapolis, IN USA
Hi Alan,

Welcome to JPF. I wanted to let you know that I spread your lyric posts out over all 3 lyric boards as is our rule. Though there's no limit to what you can post, if you are hoping for feedback the rule of thumb is to leave critiques on 5 other peoples lyrics for each one you post. It's not a rule, but it's a respectful thing to do if you hope others to spend time on your lyric, you should do the same first for others. If you don't you may find you won't get many comments on yours, especially when posting large numbers. However if you give 5 critiques per lyric posted by you you'll likely do well no matter how many you post. It is all about fairness and showing people you're willing to give, not just take.

Welcome aboard,

Brian


Brian Austin Whitney
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"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney

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#1137054 - 02/13/18 04:55 PM Re: The devil may tread [Re: Brian Austin Whitney]  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 102
Alanjack Offline
Serious Contributor
Alanjack  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 102
Thanks for that, I did notice that they had moved, I was confused when reading that it said everything would be moving to forum three so I just went there directly. I did already leave comments on other peoples work the first day that I came on here so I am aware of the give and take procedure. Having said that thanks for the welcome friend.


Just a writer of words
#1137077 - 02/13/18 11:56 PM Re: The devil may tread [Re: Alanjack]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,408
Brian Austin Whitney Offline
Brian Austin Whitney  Offline


Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,408
Indianapolis, IN USA
Originally Posted by Alanjack
Thanks for that, I did notice that they had moved, I was confused when reading that it said everything would be moving to forum three so I just went there directly. I did already leave comments on other peoples work the first day that I came on here so I am aware of the give and take procedure. Having said that thanks for the welcome friend.


Alan, you're posting tons and tons of lyrics and I am not seeing the 5 critiques from you for each one you post. Few if any will respond to your lyrics with the tactic you are taking plus to make it worse, you're pushing recent lyric posts by others down the page before people check them out which is a double whammy. In the 20 years we've had this board no one has been abusive in terms of overposting lyrics. So going forward I will ask you nicely to halt posting any additional lyrics until you are critiquing others more often than posting your own. I suggested 5 of your critiques per one lyric posted, but I don't think you've even doing 1 to 1 at this point. I realize you are new, but we've never had to set "rules" because no one has ever abused the situation before to this degree and I would rather not have to start now. And lets be frank, if no one posts a response, you're getting nothing out of it anyway. Would you rather post a few and get some feedback first? Otherwise it's just an Alan Jack library and that's not going to do anyone any good. You learn more by critiquing others lyrics than you learn from receiving feedback because writers rarely see the same mistakes in their own work they can easily point out in others work. But with a lot of practice, you can get better at it on future lyrics as you write them which is what lyric critiques are mostly useful for, to help the next lyric you write so you can avoid past mistakes you or someone else has made.

Thanks,

Brian


Brian Austin Whitney
Founder
Just Plain Folks
jpfolkspro@aol.com
Skype: Brian Austin Whitney
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"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney

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#1137095 - 02/14/18 04:55 AM Re: The devil may tread [Re: Brian Austin Whitney]  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 102
Alanjack Offline
Serious Contributor
Alanjack  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 102
Hi
I just wanted to get those out there and today I will find the time to catch up on others work I do understand the system although didn't realise that you wanted the critiques at the same time as posting. I thought that I could do that over a few days doing a few at a time, but it makes no never mind to me and now that I know what it is you want I will get on with it, sorry if I have offended anyone that was not my intention. Also was not planning on putting more lyrics on for a while, just wanted to put those out there. If you feel that there are to many feel free to remove some of them.

Regards

Alan


Just a writer of words
#1137204 - 02/15/18 01:58 AM Re: The devil may tread [Re: Alanjack]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,408
Brian Austin Whitney Offline
Brian Austin Whitney  Offline


Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,408
Indianapolis, IN USA
Thanks for understanding. I think you can be a very positive part of the community, I just needed to put the brakes on before it went too far south. I look forward to your participation and checking out more of your work!

Continued success, Brian


Brian Austin Whitney
Founder
Just Plain Folks
jpfolkspro@aol.com
Skype: Brian Austin Whitney
Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks

"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney

"It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..."

[Linked Image]

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