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I heard you dancing
© 2018 Owen Hovenden

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I heard you dancing
Your footfalls on the floor
Sounded so beautiful
I held my breath for more
And I wondered what you looked like
And I pictured your shadow on my wall
I heard you dancing
Dance for me once more


I heard you crying
In darkness and in pain
It sounded so pitiful
A heart prepared to break
And I wondered how I could help you
And soothe away your pain
I heard you crying
Pease don't cry again


I hear you dancing
Now the sirens have ceased
You found your answer
Found your release
But I wonder if I'd spoken
Would you have chosen differently?
I hear you dancing
In my sleep

Hi Owen,


Wow, this impressive.
It's so......

Sad
Beautiful
Gentle

Nicely done.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Owen:

What a gem of a song. Calvin expressed my reaction to it quite well. The melody and lyric work well together and there must be at least two dozen artists capable of making this "chart" for you. Thank you for sharing and welcome to JPF. ----Dave

Amen to Calvin's comments, this is really, really good. Mesmeric guitar melodies and beautiful descending cadences. Top class, well done.

I really loved the simplicity of this. It is so "immediate" and personal, with a precious vulnerability to it.

Man, keep that poetry writing flowing, write like crazy, and keep pumping out as many songs like this as you can. One a day, or at least three a week.

Welcome to the forum.

Great entry! Keep going!

Owen,

I, too, will use Calvin's words. He said it well...



fj

Lovely heartfelt song...slow but lengthy....cut the intro by half..... the breaks are lengthy additions...in a final production one could add another instrument (violin/ slow fiddle) for ear candy.

Looking forward to see where this goes...it has potential

Thank you all! Much appreciated. Yes sad, beautiful, gentle is exactly what I was hoping for.
@Neil Cotton: I think you are right about cutting the intro in half, and I am going to talk to a flautist I know for the ear candy!

Nice intro and expressive vocals.
Beautiful & touching write and performance

Flute or cello would make for some great ear candy

Welcome

Hello Owen,


I liked it so well I tried recording it, it's certainly not as good as yours but it sure is a cool song.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

@ Nelson: thank you! Yes, cello would likely work as well. I'll try the flute first though, because I at least know someone who plays that!

@Calvin: I take that as a real compliment. But I couldnt see your recording. Is it still there?

Hello Owen,


Oh, I didn't post it, I've just been ATTEMPING to record it, but IF I finish it, I'll sure let you hear it, hopefully you won't cringe toooo much :-)


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

That's a beaut, Owen. Love the acoustic picking and the way you use it to make those nice little hooks between vocal lines. Creates the perfect atmosphere.

Scott

I'll jump on the band wagon too! Excellent song and all that's been said also!
Travis

Owen, what a heartbreaker...painfully beautiful...but in a good way.

Since your structure is 3 verses with no chorus or bridge, I think the guitar intro and breaks are perfect. It gives just enough time for the listener to recover and yet never allows them to get bored. Adding another instrument in V2 & part of V3, then going back to the lone guitar for the ending, would be cool.

Glad to hear you posting again and hope you stick around.

Ricki

@Scott, Travis and Ricki, thank you all for the feedback. Much appreciated.

Great concept.
You already had some good advice.

Vic

I like the feel of this Owen a nice write.

Thank you Vic and Alan!

RainDayGuy (Owen),

Really wonderful guitar work here, and such a well conceived, well written song. There’s a lot of constructive advice above—got nothing more to add of merit. Just wanted to stop in and say how much I enjoyed it. Good luck with this one—though I'm not sure it needs it; it's that good.

Best regards,

Deej